Chapter Text
Was this really happening?
…
What was actually happening?
Adam could have sworn he was the happiest person on earth just an hour ago. So, why was he sitting in a hospital in his gray sweat pants and blood stained, white shirt thinking if he just run over to that opened window across the room from him and end all this suffering, end the pain in his chest that was consuming his soul? Why was he blocking the world around him? He couldn’t see the people next to him, or hear what they’re saying to him.
How could this have happened to him? Everything was more than perfect.
Then…
And the painful imagines that he had blocked out started ramming in his head again. Flash after flash of red and blue lights, red and white dressed people, sirens, cries and screams roamed his closed eyelids.
*~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Their second tour was finally finished with South Africa, of course he loved the place and the people and he really did want to get down there because he knew he had fans who loved him there and he wasn’t one to deny going when he was offered, even if it was personally inconvenient. Those personal inconveniences were the fact that he would be away from his lover for almost 2 months. Sure, now that he was on tour he didn’t get to see him every day, but with the American tour at least once a week Sauli would hop on a place and come and visit Adam when he was in a state close by and particularly when it was a hotel night. It wasn’t for the sex, sure the sex was an awesome bonus but the nights when Adam was just tired and beaten down Sauli would just be there for him, let him break in, to whisper loving words into his ear, some he understood, some who’s meaning for Adam was unknown, yet those meant the most to him, or to rub a hand over Adam’s back and release the tension stored in there, or just to kiss his forehead and hold him tight, to assure him that he was not alone. All those things were intimate and special between them.
The last two weeks of these agonizing 2 months were the worst and not only from the lack of healthy food and a good night’s sleep, Adam felt torn inside, insecure and lonely. Not only has he not seen his significant other, he hasn’t spoken to him on the phone or via Skype because the 4 cities they concerted the last two weeks were small and in the middle of nowhere with no phone service or internet.
Even if he just felt lost, he was trying his best to hide it, which makes things just that much harder. How can one smile when his hurting?
They had one more concert in a town whose name Adam can’t really pronounce, but it was somewhat bigger than the rest and it was also a hotel night. He gave up hoping that these cities would go easier on him. There were protestors and homophobes at every step, but at least his fans were always there. Yet if he could just get internet connection, a phone call, anything! He just needed to hear some Finnish words.
So he finds himself on a bus in the middle of the fucking desert with a pair a huge black glasses on, cause no one needed to see the pain in his eyes and the bags under them, and an internetless iPad in his lap. He was looking over the pictures of his lover that he secretly took in Bora Bora, where Sauli was sleeping in their white bed with the sun shining over him, making the slightly sweaty skin glister, he looked so peaceful. It was too much of a bumpy road to relax and too hot to sleep, so that picture was Adam’s happy place.
He shook a little when he felt someone over his shoulder, being pulled out of his trance, he saw the blond, long fringe and the up turned nose of one Tommy Joe.
“Hmm… perv!” Tommy said and quickly ducked back avoiding Adam’s playful slap.
“Relax Adam, I’m sure the next town will have internet.” Tommy patted Adam shoulder and ducked back down in his seat.
Yeah, Tommy always knew what was going on in his head, that’s what made him such a good friend.
As he arrived in the town he was told they had to sound check first the go to the hotel. Which was just perfect, cause it was not like Adam wasn’t sweaty and covered in sand or tired enough, now he had to sit through another impossible hot session of horrible sound checks that never go right anyway. He felt like he was cracking, it’s funny how some people consider Adam the strong one in their relationship, like he was “the man”, when he was in fact the one getting spooned in bed at night and kissed on the forehead like a child. He needed Sauli to tell him that it’s going to be ok, or that he could do it, or just to protect him from this man world. Sauli was his outer shell, keeping him safe and without him Adam felt scared and powerless.
Adam walked out on the buss, hissing at the wave of heat hitting him full on. Sure the bus was hot but this was ten times worse. He hurried into the old theater; cause it looks like that’s where they were playing hoping it would be cooler inside, but no such luck. His manager was leading the way to his dressing room probably and he and the band followed, the dancers were probably already at the hotel. They stopped in front of an old wooden, green door that looked horrible in Adam’s opinion.
“Adam!” His manager said to get his attention cause he was obviously having a mental fight with that ugly door. “I know this passed two months have been a drag for you and you put with so much bullshit and did not once complained. So I managed to cut some expenses down and pulled a few strings and got you a gift. ” Adam smiled a little, he was happy that his manager cared so much about him but frankly, right now he didn’t care for the Luis Vuitton jeans or M.A.C. goody bag his manager might have gotten him, he just wanted to be alone. Both the manager and the band were encouraging him very excitedly to enter the room, so he again gave them the best smile he could come up with and touched the ugly ass door to push it open and he felt like he was being shoved in the room and the door made a loud bang behind him as it closed. Just as he wanted to swear because they almost made him fell he saw him.
Sauli.