Work Text:
When Pepper enters their bedroom after having put their daughter to bed (or rather reprimanded Morgan for being awake past her bedtime), Tony’s sitting cross legged on their bed, a Stark Pad in his hands. He’s on the phone with someone through his earpiece.
“…emailed you my comments. We’ll hash it out tomorrow.” He pauses to listen, glancing up at Pepper. “Will Mrs. Stark be coming?” he repeats the question posed to him by the person on the other end.
“To what? Who is that?” Pepper asks in a soft voice, crawling up next to him.
“Yes, she will. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
Tony ends the call and rests the tablet on his lap. “Those were the producers of my biopic.”
“You have a biopic now?” Pepper asks, a small smile gracing her face. Why is she not surprised? It was bound to happen. Frankly, it’s a decade late. Even Pepper has to admit that from a business standpoint, creating biopics of Tony’s life would be very profitable.
“Didn’t I tell you? They’re making an Iron Man biopic. A trilogy actually. They’re also doing one on Cap and Thor but they’re starting with me because, you know, I did come out first.” He crosses his arms and shrugs coolly. “Not that it’s a competition or anything.”
Sure, it’s not, Pepper thinks, smirking. She knows Tony loves his teammates, but he also loves being the first in everything.
He holds out his tablet to her. “Wanna read the script? It’s in the early stages.”
Pepper takes it and begins to skim through it. It was clear that the screenwriters based the script heavily on the SHIELD files that Natasha released. She wondered if the Avengers’ handler knew about this.
“Did Maria Hill sign off on this?” she asks.
“Did Maria Hill sign off on this,” Tony repeats without actually answering.
Pepper gives him a look, one brow raised, lips disappearing into a thin line.
“No. But I did and that’s enough for them.”
Pepper scoffed and then returns to reading the script. “It’s not bad. You’re getting blown up on the first scene which is very in character of you.”
“I know right!” Tony says, absolutely thrilled. “And then I’m having sex in the next one. Don’t worry. I told them to make it PG. I want Morgan to be able to watch Daddy’s movie.”
“Our 5-year-old is not watching you have sex on screen.”
“First of all, she’ll be 7 when it comes out. Secondly, it’s not me she’ll see! It’s actually Robert Downey, Jr. Morgan loved him in Dolittle. He’s such a great guy.” Tony rarely compliments people so Pepper knows that this one must be true. “We talked the other day—you know, to help him get in character—and he showed me the audition tape. Damn, it was like looking in the mirror. He’s good.” He glances up, “He has, like, how many Oscar nominations now?”
“Two, boss,” FRIDAY chimes.
Tony nods. “That’s right. They also have Don Cheadle, another Academy Award nominee, to play Rhodey. And for you, they got Gwyneth Paltrow.”
Pepper’s grip on the tablet goes limp. “Her?”
Tony’s forehead wrinkles. “Why am I sensing a little disapproval here? You liked her in Glee!”
“She wasn’t playing me in Glee.”
“Oh, I see what it is.” Tony wags his finger at her. “You don’t like her now because she married your crush.”
“This is not because she married my crush,” Pepper says a little too quickly. Her face feels warm.
Tony is enjoying her reaction and Pepper wants to wipe the smug look off his face. “It is. Your nostrils are flaring. You only do that when you’re lying. But you should be flattered! Brad Falchuk married her and she looks exactly like you! Except blonde. So, you know he’s got good taste. And she has an Oscar win.”
“Cate Blanchett should’ve won that year,” Pepper mutters. “Why can’t they get her to play me?”
“‘Cause they’re eyeing her for the Thor movie. But I’m not supposed to tell anybody that. Anyway, I don’t know what you’re complaining about. Gwyneth is a good actress.”
“Yeah,” Pepper admits grudgingly. “She’s just a little… you know, she’s a kook.”
“Funnily enough that’s the name of her website.”
Pepper knows Tony knows that’s not the name of her website. “I just can’t see her portraying me. I’m no-nonsense, straight to the point, all business, and she’s…” Pepper opens her mouth but doesn’t find the words to describe the actress. She opts instead to say, “Have you seen the things she sells on her website?”
“Yes, I have. Candles that smell like her orgasm!” Tony says it with unbridled enthusiasm. “They smell divine.”
Pepper eyes flutter closed. “Of course, you bought them.”
“I’m supporting local businesses.”
“She’s already rich.” Pepper frowns as Tony turns away from her and rummages through his bedside drawer. “What are you doing?”
“Ah, here we go. You need to relax. I think for tonight, this one would work for you.” Tony takes out a candle, showing her the label on it. It says THIS SMELLS LIKE MY VAGINA.
“Absolutely not.”
“This one then.”
He shows her another candle that says SLIGHTLY BITTER on it.
“Very funny,” Pepper says dryly.
Tony laughs and puts the candles away. He reaches out and takes her hand. “No, this is good. Let it all out. Because tomorrow, we’re meeting with the writers to iron out a few kinks, speak to the actors, you know, give them some of our magical blessing, let them know we support them.”
“Can’t believe you signed off on this,” Pepper mutters, turning back to the Stark Pad. “And told them I was going without asking me first. I’ve got a board meeting tomorrow.”
“I moved that. I was doing you a favor.” That was thoughtful of him. If only Pepper consented to moving it.
She gives him a pointed look. “I fail to see which part of this is a favor.”
“Because tomorrow, you would have the opportunity to actually meet Brad Falchuk.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He’s one of the screenwriters.”
Pepper blinks. “You’re kidding.”
Tony shakes his head. “Nope. I asked for him specifically. I suggested we needed a satirical guy on the team and you know I hate the guy’s hair but you like him. Besides, I wanted you to have this small fangirl moment and—” Pepper cuts him off with a kiss. “I’m guessing you want to go tomorrow?” he says against her mouth.
“I love you.” Pepper kisses him on the cheek. Then, she hops out of bed and heads into their bathroom.
“What am I gonna wear?” Tony hears her say.
Tony chuckles because it’s very rare that he can surprise Pepper enough to get her flustered. “You look amazing in anything, hon. Even without clothes.” The mental image of a naked Pepper mooning at Falchuk makes Tony’s eyes widen. “On second thought, keep your clothes on tomorrow! And wear your engagement ring with the wedding ring. Just in case you forget your relationship status.”
Pepper laughs. “I’m not that far gone, you know.”
“I’m also bringing the kids. Their presence might actually deter you from batting your eyes at Falchuk.”
Pepper walks out of the bathroom. She’s lost her shorts and looks very sexy in just her pajama top and a pair of underwear. “Now why would I flirt with a married man when I have a very thoughtful husband of my own?”
Tony grins and reaches out a hand. She takes it and Tony wastes no time and tugs her in bed.
…
Peter clutches Tony’s arm with one hand and fans his face with the other. “Oh my god. That’s Robert Downey, Jr!” he exclaims in a high-pitched voice, staring at Robert Downey, Jr. who’s currently inside a room and laughing with a couple of other people.
Tony puts an arm around him. “Just breathe. You’re worse than Harley and Harley actually said, ‘Hi, I’m Robert Downey Jr.’ to the guy a few weeks ago.”
They follow one of the assistants to the room Downey is in and when they enter, the director Jon Favreau greets them.
“The reason we’re all alive and still have jobs, everyone!” Favreau says as a form of introduction.
Tony flashes them a smile and waves his hand dismissively. “Jon, you always know how to make me blush.”
Favreau laughs and Tony introduces his family to the team.
“Tony, nice to see you again!” says Robert, shaking Tony’s hand. “How’ve you been?”
“It’s retirement so I’m just winging it every day,” Tony replies, “But I’ve got my family here to keep me entertained. This is my wife Pepper, this is Morgan, and this is Peter.”
Robert shakes each of their hands and when he gets to Peter, the kid says “You’re Robert Downey, Jr! But you already know that. I’m Peter. You know that too. Wow!”
“I get this a lot,” Robert says to Tony who’s shaking his head in faux disappointment and then releases Peter’s hand. “You’re doing great, Pete.”
Peter turns to Tony and in a daze, says, “He called me ‘Pete!’ Does that mean we’re buddies?” He comes to when he realizes he said that in front of the actor. “What I meant to say was that you were amazing in Tropic Thunder. I like to watch old movies and that one changed my life! Can I get a selfie with you?”
“Yes, absolutely.”
“Me too!” says Morgan, clutching a stuffed gorilla against her chest.
Robert crouches down and points at it. “Chee Chee! It’s been a while since he and I spoke.”
Morgan laughs. “He’s not real.”
“He’s not? Funny. I could’ve sworn he winked at me.”
Tony clasps Peter’s back. “Well, you kids have fun. I’m just gonna introduce Pep to Gwyneth and the rest of the team.” With a hand on Pepper’s back, he leads her to the screenwriters and introduces her to Falchuk.
“Miss Potts! I mean, Mrs. Stark, it’s nice to finally meet you. Tony’s speaks a lot about you.”
Pepper turns the shade of a tomato which makes Tony pause. That only ever happens when either Tony does something very nice in bed or he gets her very angry.
“Please, just call me Pepper,” Pepper insists with a shy smile. “I mean, you are writing about me, after all.”
Since when did Pepper get shy? Tony continues to stare as the two make small talk. He’s beginning to think inviting Falchuk into the team was a bad idea.
Falchuk nods curtly. “That’s true. When I signed on, I began studying your life, your work, SHIELD’s files, your press conferences, and I have to say, I’m a very big fan, Pepper.”
Pepper’s eyes widen. Not once had she thought Falchuk even knew her name. “Oh, wow, I—” she stammers, “Oh, wow,” she repeats again.
Yep, her brain stopped working, Tony mentally concludes.
“She’s a fan of yours too,” Tony says, coming to her rescue. She would never forgive him if he let her embarrass herself in front of Brad Falchuk. “Listened to Glee nonstop. And we both found the Politician very hilarious, right hon?”
“Right, yes,” Pepper manages, her coloring going back to normal, or what passed for normal in front of Falchuk, anyway.
“Anyway, Brad, listen,” Tony says, wrapping a hand around Pepper’s waist, “didn’t you want some input regarding Pepper’s story arc? Well, there’s no better person to consult than the real Pepper Potts.”
“Yes! Let’s sit over here and we can go over some of the details. My wife just stepped out to take a phone call but she’ll be back soon and she has some questions for you about the character.”
Pepper finally fully recovering her speech mechanism, says, “Sure. Anything you ask, you can want me.”
Tony almost guffaws but feels the mortification on her behalf. She was doing so well!
…
…
…
Tony loves his wife. That’s the only reason he swallowed the bitter pill of envy and asked the producers to include Brad Falchuk in the writing team. Because seeing Pepper fangirl and get all starstruck—which never happens—was honestly worth it.
But if his wife giggles one more time at this man, he might just groan a little too loudly.
Don’t take this the wrong way. Pepper isn’t flirting with Falchuk. She just can’t stop looking at him and smiling and agreeing with everything he says.
Tony had to wait ten years before Pepper even agreed with him on anything!
Falchuk excuses himself and leaves Pepper with Gwyneth and the two women sit down to talk some more. He heads towards Tony who quickly acts like he hadn’t been staring at them this entire time.
“Hey, do you have a minute to discuss the script?”
Tony nods. It’s why he was here in the first place.
Falchuk leads him to a separate room that’s composed of the other screenwriters and Favreau.
Favreau’s already speaking when they enter. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“What’s not a good idea?” Tony asks, pulling up a chair.
“They want a kiss scene when Tony comes back from captivity.”
“Yeah, not a good idea,” Tony says with a shake of his head. “It’s too early.”
“That’s what I said. So, we’re thinking of moving it to act three.”
“Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” Tony tapped a finger on the edge of the table in front of him. “I don’t think Tony and Pepper should get together in this movie at all. I mean, I understand that this is a blockbuster and you know, you’re allowed some creative licenses, but my relationship with my wife is one of the things I want portrayed accurately.”
He casts them a serious look as he continues. “I want people to know that it took my wife and I decades to act on our feelings. Things were strictly professional between us. But if they get together in this movie, there’s gonna be a bunch of rumors about when my relationship with my wife truly started, how it affected her ascension up the corporate ladder, and I don’t want that. The pining was half the fun. We could capitalize on it.”
“Of course.” Fergus, one of the writers, nods. “We respect that. We’ll scrap the scene.”
“No kiss scenes,” concluded another writer.
“The sex scene with the journalist though was good,” Tony said, throwing up his thumbs. “Brief. Fun. Very on-brand.”
“Robert and Gwyneth have a lot of chemistry,” added Falchuk. “We could play on the unresolved sexual tension throughout the whole movie.”
“Yes, I’m all for that! And you know, this is completely optional, entirely up to you, but it wouldn’t hurt to emphasize the depth between Rhodey and Tony’s friendship too. I’m on the internet a lot and I know there are Iron Husband shippers out there. We wouldn’t want to neglect them.”
“Fan service,” says one of the writers, nodding. “Gotcha.”
Rhodey was going to punch him when this movie comes out but Tony thinks that it would be worth it. Besides, the longer Tony spent with Falchuk in here, the less time Pepper spends staring at the man.
…
Finally back home, Pepper can’t stop talking about “Brad” or about the storyline they’re giving to Pepper.
“And Gwyneth had some great ideas! I’m glad she’s playing me now,” Pepper toes her sneakers off and then pads over to the kitchen to get a drink, all the while continuing, “She’s actually a very different person once you get to know her. I can’t see anybody else in my shoes. And it’s such a great coincidence that she and Robert are good friends because it sort of mirrors our relationship.”
Tony listens to her, a ghost of a pleased smile on his face. He’s happy that Pepper’s happy. And he was going to keep it that way, even if it meant dousing his smoldering jealousy every five minutes.
Pepper walks back into the living room, two glasses of wine in hand.
Tony accepts one. “I’m glad you changed your mind. So, I did good, right? In asking them to bring Brad into the team?”
Pepper ignores the teasing way he says Brad’s name and beams at him, instead.
Tony contentedly sits back on the couch, sipping on his drink. Pepper plops down beside him and kisses his cheek. “You did very well. Thank you for rescheduling my meeting without asking me.”
“Never thought I’d hear that one.” Tony sets his glass on the coffee table and puts an arm around her. Pepper moves closer, snuggling against him, and drinking her wine. He kisses her temple. “Anything for my wife.”
“And thank you for not letting me embarrass myself in front of Brad Falchuk.” She’s still smiling, probably replaying their meeting over and over in her mind.
Tony deliberately doesn’t mention her slip of the tongue. He was embarrassed enough for the both of them.
Pepper takes another sip. After, she sets it on the table and faces Tony completely, clutching his arm, and grinning from ear to ear. “But you heard him, right? He said he was a fan! My fan! He knows my name, my work, and he researched my life!” Holding up a hand, Pepper warns, “And don’t get jealous—”
Tony takes the hand that she’s holding up and entwines his fingers through hers. “I won’t. Jealous Tony left the building.”
She cocks one eye at him, doubtful.
But Tony only smiles and nods encouragingly. “I’m supportive Tony. I’m your best friend.” He squeezes her hand. “Go ahead. You don’t need to filter anything.”
“Okay,” Pepper says, either choosing to believe him or she didn’t care if he got jealous anyway. “First thing I thought is that Brad Falchuk is more attractive in person than on screen.”
“He is!” Tony says with a forced chuckle that sounded convincing to his ears.
“And he was wearing that shirt and it fit him so well! And he grew his hair out!” She closes her eyes and just sags against Tony, a small sigh escaping her.
Tony stares at her incredulously. He’s really trying to be a supportive husband here but if Pepper lays it on a little thicker, he might not succeed.
Pepper glances up at him and he schools his features.
“You know I love long hair in men,” she says.
Ohhh, Tony knew all about that, alright. “You do. You got a type. There was Aragorn son of Arathorn, Thor son Odin. I’m surprised you didn’t like Loki.”
“Okay, Loki destroyed New York.” Pepper points out grimly. “Anyway, going back to Brad. So, while he asked me stuff about our history for the script, I was able to ask questions about his work in return. And he was very polite and courteous about it! I couldn’t stop smiling, my cheeks were smarting afterward.”
Tony frowns and pats her arm slowly. “Alright. Calm down or Morgan’s gonna come here asking why Mommy got a stroke.”
“And he was so nice and funny! I didn’t think he was gonna be funny. You know how they say you should never meet your heroes because then you would just be disappointed? But I wasn’t! He’s just so—”
“Funny, you told me, and nice and attractive,” Tony finishes for her.
Pepper smiles at him, caressing his cheek. “You’re being so supportive about this. Thank you.” She gives him a chaste kiss and when she pulls away she gives him permission to be the jealous husband.
But Tony shakes his head. “Nope.”
“Come on, let it out. I know you’re dying to poke fun at him. And his hair.”
“No green-eyed monster here,” Tony insists. “Falchuk’s just a crush. You’re allowed to have your crushes. I’m not gonna ruin it for you.”
“You’re being very mature about this,” Pepper notes, impressed. “I honestly expected your possessive side to come out.”
“I wouldn’t have brought you with me today if I couldn’t take your fangirling. Besides, I’m the one who’s married to you. He’s got his own wife to think about.”
Pepper sends him a delighted smile and Tony knows he just won some husband points. “You’re the best, you know that?”
“I know.”
She leans in to kiss him again, but her phone chimes and she pulls away to deal with it.
She unlocks her phone and Tony spies her homescreen photo.
“Wow! Brad’s homescreen worthy, huh?”
“What? Oh. We took a selfie!” Pepper shows him the photo. “I mean, you can’t blame me! I’ve been in love with his work since Glee. It was an obligatory selfie.”
“You never made me your homescreen,” Tony tries to say casually but fails.
“That’s because I see you all the time at home.” She exits the gallery and brings up the new text message in her inbox.
“You made Brad Pitt your homescreen once, and there was that lead singer of Coldplay, but you never made me your—”
“I married you,” she reminds him, typing a reply to the message.
“That’s true. So, you would think that that would be requirement enough for you to make your husband your homescreen photo. Or your children.”
Pepper sends the reply and looks at Tony. “I’ll have you know that Morgan, Peter, and Harley are my lockscreen.”
“They get to be on your phone, but I don’t?”
“Are you jealous?” Pepper asks daringly, one raised brow taunting him.
Tony shakes his head. “I’m just saying, it seems a little unfair. I feel very unrepresented in your phone. There’s a lack of representation. And we strive for that on screen and off.”
Pepper snorts and gets off the couch. Tony follows her.
“You’re everywhere!” Pepper states, heading up the stairs. “Your face is plastered all over the city. You’re on the billboards. You have a portrait in my office.”
“You chose that photo.”
“Because you look handsome in that photo and I wanted to have an image of you in the office with me.”
“Exactly. So, if you wanted to, I could also be on your phone wallpaper.”
Pepper turns on her step and looks down at him. “If I wanted to. But I don’t.” She rakes her fingers in his hair. “Because pictures just don’t have a handle on the real thing.”
“So, you’re moving on from Brad to me that fast, huh?” Tony settles his hands on her hips. “Wow, you’re fickle.”
“Well, my husband did arrange for me to meet my favorite screenwriter and is being so supportive about it. He’s trying hard not to get jealous in the process of my fangirling. That must have been very tiring for you.”
“I did consider screaming in envy once or twice. But I’m not going to,” Tony adds. “I can be supportive and cool about this.”
Pepper smirks and tilts Tony’s chin up. She hovers her lips above his and whispers, “Well, if you let me thank you properly, you can scream all you like.”
“Yeah, okay. Lead the way, Mrs. Stark.”
…
…
…
“Was that Gwyneth?” Tony asks when Pepper hangs up a call one Sunday afternoon. Gwyneth and his wife had become fast friends since they met.
“Yep. She made a business proposal. Avengers scented candles.”
Tony does a double take. “And you agreed to tell the whole world what my orgasm smells like?”
Pepper scoffs. “No. That’s for me and me alone. Besides, I’m not going to embarrass the kids like that.”
“Oh,” Tony says with a disappointed pout. “It’s gonna be very rated G, isn’t it?”
Pepper gives him a naughty grin. “Not gonna be that G.”
…
BLACK WIDOW’S BITE
CAPTAIN AMERICA’S SURGING RIGHTEOUSNESS
THE HULK’S INCREDIBLE HULK
THIS SMELLS LIKE HAWKEYE’S ARROW
THIS SMELLS LIKE THOR’S HAMMER
THIS SMELLS LIKE STARK’S TOWER
Tony is cackling, tears leaking out of his eyes as he takes in the set of Avengers candles Goop delivered to their house. “Who is the mastermind behind this?”
“Brad had some input.”
“Did he?” Tony’s laughter dies down but he keeps a smile on his face. “You’re right he is funny.” He manages to at least not sound so begrudging.
“Hey, how come Spider-Man didn’t get a candle? What, there can’t be a Spider-Man’s Webshooters?” Peter asks beside Tony. “OOH! Thor’s hammer!” He picks up the candle and gives it a sniff. “I don’t know. Mjolnir smelled a little rusty. But maybe that was the blood during the battle. This smells better.”
Tony raises his eyebrows and sends the back of Peter’s head a baffled look.
Pepper softly chuckles and pats Tony on the shoulder. “This is where you give him the talk.”
…
…
…
“Hey, Brad suggested this new show on Netflix. You wanna watch it with me?”
“Sure,” Tony says weakly. “It must be good if Brad says so.”
…
…
…
“We’re having guests over for lunch. Could you clear out your toys in the living room?”
“Who’s coming over?”
“The Faltrows.”
Tony grits his teeth. “Of course.”
…
…
…
“I cannot believe you changed my wallpaper!” Pepper marches angrily up to him, carrying her open laptop. She turns it around to show Tony.
Her wallpaper is a screenshot of a scene from the movie Sherlock Holmes, where Robert Downey, Jr. is naked and handcuffed to a bed with only a throw pillow covering the crown jewels.
“I was in a meeting, Tony! With the Downeys for the Footprint Coalition!” she huffs but her lips are twitching so she’s not really furious. “I connected to the screen and they saw this!”
Tony snorts, trying to hold in his laughter. “What did you say?”
“I told them that my husband has a crush on Robert,” Pepper sighs, smiling now. “And because you couldn’t be there, you send Robert your love via the wallpaper.”
“That’s good!” Tony laughs even harder. “He’s great, right? Downey?”
“He’s okay,” Pepper says with a shrug.
“He’s oka—?” Tony’s eyes widen. “He’s a national treasure! He makes a great me. Not to mention, he’s saving the planet and has that wry sense of humor that I’m very partial to.”
Pepper eyes him teasingly. “You are in love with Robert. Did you know he’s married?”
“I know he’s married. So am I. And so are you, by the way.” Tony faces her and brings his palms up. “Now, I’m not jealous, but I’m just saying, if you’re gonna have a little celebrity crush on anybody, I would suggest adding Robert Downey, Jr. to the list.”
Comprehension dawns on Pepper. So that’s what this is about, she thinks.
“I don’t know… he’s a little,” Pepper trails off, searching for a word. “He’s too you.” She’s keeping a straight face, but her eyes are teasing him. She knows exactly the effect her words would have on Tony. “If I’m gonna have a crush on anybody, I don’t want it to be on someone who’s similar to my husband. I mean, that would just be boring.”
Tony almost chokes. “Bori—okay. That’s rude.” Pepper laughs and he presses on, “I mean, have you seen his hair? Those curls? It’s better than Brad’s but that’s just my opinion.”
Pepper laughs. “There it is.”
“I’m not jealous.”
“Sure, you’re not!”
…
…
…
Tony claps his hands, waking FRIDAY up. “Alright. While the Boss and Madam Secretary are on a grocery run, you and I are gonna do some work.”
“Do I file it in the Stark Industries secure servers, boss?” FRIDAY asks as Tony’s work table lights up.
“Naah. This one is a personal project. Well, not really a project. More like a musing, if you will.”
“Is it another anniversary gift? If so, I suggest building Mrs. Boss a necklace that houses nano particles. That way she brings the suit everywhere she goes.”
Tony points to the hologram on his table. “A fantastic idea! Note that. Remind me when we're nearing the anniversary.” He opens some files and brings up a holographic photo of himself. “Okay, this is our musing. I want this between us, FRI. Not even a quip about it to Pepper.”
He enlarges his photo and cocks his head at it, thinking. “I’m trying out a new look. Purely hypothetical here. Would you say that I look good with long hair? Longer than my usual.”
“Do you really want me to answer that?” FRIDAY replies, sounding very amused.
“Just show me.” FRIDAY does and the image of Tony is altered into one of him with long, wavy hair, going past his shoulders.
Tony immediately shakes his head. “That's horrible. Absolutely horrible. I don't mean Ozzy Osbourn me. I mean maybe Classic Thor me a little. Which would make the hair end here.” He points just above his shoulder in the picture and the hair’s length is reduced. “How's that?”
“There can only be one Thor, sir.”
Tony rolls his eyes. “Alright. A little shorter then. If so, then it would end here just near the chin.” The hair’s length is reduced again and Tony finds himself nodding at the latest hairstyle. “Not bad. Get rid of my goatee.” He studies the image. “Looks a little Sherlock Holmes-y, but it would give my curls a natural way to shine.”
“What are you doing?”
Tony glances behind him to see Rhodey walking through his living room. Tony is barely fazed that he got caught with his secret project and just turns to his work again. “I’m trying to see if I look good with this hair. What do you think?”
“You look like you're advertising a shampoo commercial,” says Rhodey.
“I did that once. Bestselling shampoo of the year.” Tony turns to Rhodey who’s staring at the hologram with a disturbed expression. “Anyway, could you look a little less bothered? I don't see how my hair and overall look is any of your business.”
Rhodey tears his eyes away and shivers. “It does when I have to look at that!”
Tony shakes his head at his best friend. “You’re the one who came unannounced. What are you doing here, anyway? You’re not here about the, uh, the script is it?”
“Why? Did they change some of my lines?”
“Nope,” Tony said quickly.
Rhodey gives him a suspicious look but brushes off his concerns after a few seconds. “I came cause of the leg brace. One’s a little sluggish. Could you check it out?”
“Sure. Hop on.” Rhodey lifts himself to sit on Tony’s table, legs outstretched on the table’s surface. “FRI, scan for bugs.”
Tony’s picture remains on display and Rhodey scrutinizes it. “You know, it’s not that you look awful. Maybe I’m just too used to your trademark look. The only person I know who can pull off that hair...” Rhodey trails off and then he slowly looks at Tony. “Wait, I see what this is.”
“No, you don’t.” Tony grabs at the picture on the screen and crumples it. A holographic basketball hoop appears from across the room and he tosses the crumpled picture into it.
“You're trying to outbrad Brad Falchuk.”
“No, I’m not.” The scan is finished and Tony nudges Rhodey to get off the table. “I don’t need to be anybody else. I love myself. I’m Iron Man.”
Rhodey has a look on his face that says he doesn’t believe Tony at all. He crosses his arms and nods, humoring the guy. “Okay, Iron Man, why did you have a photo of yourself wearing Brad's hair.”
“Fine. Brad. I hate that name. So unoriginal,” Tony mutters as he goes through the scan of Rhodey’s braces.
“Yeah, Tony.” Rhodey says with a snort. “I don’t know what’s so bad about Falchuk. He’s nice. Dude’s funny.”
Tony glares at him half-heartedly. “Don’t start with his sense of humor. I’ve heard enough about it from Pepper.” As he inspects the scan, going through the layers of the exoskeleton, he continues, “I know I was the one to tell Feige to bring Falchuk in and I was the one who introduced Pepper to him, so I shouldn’t be jealous cause I brought it all upon myself. But I wanted her to be happy and she was so happy to meet him. So what if he’s her lockscreen? So what if she has a crush on him?”
A red portion of the scanned left leg brace lights up and Tony says, “There you are!” He has FRIDAY run a reboot of the system and then turns to Rhodey, “But if Pepper would have a crush on anybody, it'd be Robert Downey, Jr. right? The man is a legend. Have you seen him? He’s beautiful. Looks like me too. They really got the casting right for me. But Pepper doesn’t see that. All she sees is Brad. And his hair. So, I’m gonna try and give her what she wants. Cause I’m clearly the better looking Brad.”
“I didn't know this was a competition.”
“It's not. I’m just saying that I’m the one Pepper married. I’m the one who fathered her child. I’m the one who saved the world. What does Brad have? A couple of Emmy nominations.”
“Wow. You got it bad.”
...
“What is that?!” Pepper cries in astonishment upon coming home from the grocery.
Even Morgan pauses and looks at her dad like he’s got two heads. “Daddy?”
Tony proudly grins. “It’s my new hair. Do you girls like it? I made it myself.”
Morgan vigorously shakes her head. “You look weird.”
“Take it off,” Pepper says, walking past him to get to the kitchen. “And could you get the rest of the groceries out of the trunk?”
Tony does the latter. When he gets back and puts the grocery bags in the kitchen counter, he says, “I thought you liked long hair!”
“Not on you,” Pepper says, putting away the ice cream.
“Daddy,” Morgan sighs at him. “Mommy’s right. Long hair is nice on some people, like Uncle Thor or Tarzan.” Then, Morgan takes a pack of Ritz crackers and heads outside to her tent.
Tony taps the chip he stuck behind his ear and the hologram of his new hair disappears.
“That’s better.” Pepper says, putting away the last of the groceries.
Tony follows her up their bedroom and watches her light a candle before she heads to the bathroom to change out of her clothes.
Tony takes the candle in his hands. THIS SMELLS LIKE THOR’S HAMMER was on the label.
“Oh, you’re smelling Thor now?” he calls out to her. He brings the candle up to his nose and sneers at it. “My tower smells better,” he says to it.
“Uh-huh,” Pepper replies from the bathroom. “I can’t help it. It sort of has that energizing feel to it. Kind of like how his powers light you up—”
“Damn it!” Tony relents, putting the candle down just as Pepper comes out of the bathroom, “Okay, fine. I admit it! I’m jealous.”
Pepper grins victoriously but doesn’t rub his nose in it. “You know, I don’t even have a crush on Brad anymore?”
“You don’t?”
Pepper shakes her head once.
“What happened?” Tony asks, not bothering to hide how pleased he was with the news. “Is he secretly so full of himself?”
Pepper snorts. “No. He became a friend.”
Tony’s smile fell. “Oh. Is it bad that I’m still slightly jealous of the guy?”
“I don’t see why you have to be. I go home to you.” Pepper sits on the edge of their bed and Tony joins her.
“I know that. It’s just that you never freak out or fangirl or act like you’re about to swoon when it’s me.”
“I used to,” Pepper admits.
Tony stares at her. “You did?”
Pepper bites her lip, nodding shyly. “When we first met, whenever you would flirt with me, I’d need a minute in the girl’s bathroom just to get the blush off my face. Over the years, I dealt with it better. I learned how to mask everything, not let my crush on you be painfully obvious to everyone in the room. Even now, sometimes you’d look at me with this gleam in your eyes and there would be butterflies in my stomach and my toes would curl.”
Tony, with his jaw still slack, smiles. “So, you have a crush on me?”
Pepper throws her hands up and gets on her feet. “Tony, you’re my husband!”
“Yeah, but you have a crush on me!” He looks absolutely thrilled at that revelation—if you could even consider it that—and Pepper shakes her head at his nonsense. Why did she marry him again?
“You have a crush on me!” Tony sings to the tune of You’ve Got A Friend In Me, pointing his fingers at Pepper as he dances towards her.
That’s why.
Pepper can’t help but laugh. He was always able to do that.
“If it helps, I find you very handsome,” he reaches her and she runs her fingers through his hair, “and alluring and seductive,” Tony bashfully blinks at her, “and smart and funny.” She plants a soft kiss on his jaw. “You’ve always been the only one for me.”
“But can you say it again?”
Pepper giggles and presses her lips to his, kissing him deeply. “Tony, I have a crush on you,” she whispers as she pulls away.
“That’s what I thought.”