Chapter Text
Jem didn’t know how he got here. Actually that was a lie; he knew how he got here, but he didn’t understand. Here, was outside the Infirmary, waiting for the Silent Brother to come out and tell him what was wrong with Will and how he could help. Well, him, Henry, and Charlotte, who were both looking worried. Granted, with Will around, worry was a constant state of existence. And he certainly hadn’t eased any of their concerns about him when he showed up in the middle of dinner saying that he was ready to patrol after being out since the previous night and not showing up for any meals that day. Charlotte normally wouldn’t have even sent them out after that, especially with everything going on, but with that report of a demon attack, she had to send them out patrolling without waiting to speak to Will. Will, who showed up looking as if he had been in a brawl the night before. Jem didn’t know where Will had been, but he rarely spent his time in pubs or brothels, no matter what he liked to let others believe. The sound of the door opening made Jem raise his head quickly. “Can I help now? I know some runes are better applied by me than anyone else.” The Silent Brother raised his head and Jem heard his voice.
Can you tell me again what happened James Carstairs? What injuries you saw William receive? Henry and Charlotte obviously heard it too, because Charlotte immediately asked “Why? Jem has already explained and we just want to know what’s wrong.” He has injuries that seem to be too old to have happened tonight, but we are trying to determine what injuries he received in the demon attack to rule out any of the more recent ones as having happened tonight as well. With the injuries he has, he should not have been patrolling tonight, and should have been to see us at least several days ago. Now, would you answer our questions James Carstairs?
“Yes, of course.” Jem replied automatically, his mind distant. “Will didn’t show up until halfway through dinner, however with the reports of the demon sightings and attacks, we were sent out to patrol immediately. Will didn’t seem very happy to be patrolling, but he insisted that he was fine. While we were out, we came upon the demon, and were separated. I heard him yell, and that was when I knew something was wrong. Will doesn’t like to display his emotions to others, so for him to react? He must have been hurt. I couldn’t find him at first though, the demon chose to come after me, and after I killed it, I went to Will. He was barely conscious when I found him, and when I applied the iratzes, they faded much too quickly. That’s when I picked him up and came back to the Institute. What I could see when we were outside was that his arm looked broken, and he was having some difficulty breathing. But there was nothing else wrong as far as I could tell, aside from the usual cuts and bruises to be found after a fight. I asked for you to be summoned as soon as we arrived back because of the speed at which the iratzes were fading, I thought that he might have been poisoned. Now could you please tell me what is wrong with my parabatai.” Jem finished off his explanation sounding rather short. He knew it was rude, but he just wanted to know what was wrong with Will, who was his dearest friend.
“Jem!” Charlotte scolded, “I know you can be more polite than that. Brother Enoch, I am terribly sorry for Jem’s manners, but I do agree with him. How is Will doing? Have you discovered what is wrong?” The Brother made a motion to Charlotte and Henry, clearly asking them to move away, although what the point was, Jem had no idea. If he didn’t want Jem to hear his thoughts, he wouldn’t. It did give him an opportunity though. With them distracted he could slip into the Infirmary and see Will. Jem looked again, briefly, to ensure that they weren’t paying attention, and slipped inside.
Will was lying on the bed, covered by a sheet. He looked so still that if Jem hadn’t been able to feel him through their bond he would have thought Will dead. Will was always in motion, even when he was reading. With a book in hand he would walk around or bounce his leg, if sitting. Will was so full of life that it seemed that being still was offensive to his very being. It was unnatural, Jem thought as he moved closer to Will. As he got closer though he was shocked by what he saw. Distantly, he could hear Charlotte and Henry yelling, an event rare in the Institute. Charlotte was no stranger to yelling at Will and on occasion Jem, but Jem had never heard Henry yell in his entire time at the Institute. Will had bruises around his throat, as if he had been strangled, but Jem knew that hadn’t occurred on patrol, there simply hadn’t been time enough for Will to be strangled so badly that the bruises were so dark, almost appearing as black as his hair. Now he knew why Brother Enoch had been questioning him. Jem drew back the sheet, afraid to know what he would find under there, but needing to know.
Will was covered in bruises, and scars that Jem had no earthly idea as to how they got there. The most visible ones were the ones around his neck and wrists, which stood out as being especially vivid against the paleness of Will’s skin. There were others of course, but none as bad. Jem sat down by the bedside of Will, his parabatai, his Will, who he had failed miserably if he had managed to conceal these from him. “I am so sorry Will, so sorry. How could I not have noticed? You can hide your feelings from the others, but me? You could have come to me, you had to have known that. How badly have I failed that you didn’t know that?” Jem kept talking to Will, quietly, as he didn’t wish to wake him, but wishing that he could understand what was going through Will’s mind when he didn’t tell Jem that he was hurt. He would have given Will iratzes without telling Charlotte if that was what worried him.
He was so lost in his thoughts that Jem didn’t notice a pair of brilliant blue eyes blinking. They were clouded over, in pain perhaps, or as a result of the pain draughts that Brother Enoch likely poured down his throat, or a combination thereof. Jem startled to hear Will speak suddenly, barely above a whisper, and sounding exhausted. “Why do you worry Jem? I’ll be good as new in no time, you know that.”
“I am sorry that I didn’t know that you were hurt. That you have been hurting. That you didn’t feel that you could come to me. I would have helped Will. I will help you if you’ll let me.”
“Oh Jem,” Will more breathed than sighed. “I don’t want your help,” he said very dazedly. “I deserve this.”
“What?” Jem gasped. “What are you talking about Will? What do you mean you deserve this? Of course you don’t.” Jem had begun talking quietly, but as he carried on he grew louder, loud enough for Charlotte and Henry to hear him at least. Judging by the sound of the door opening at least, and the sound of footsteps coming towards him.
“Jem?” Charlotte called his name, voice raising as if questioning why he was upset, and why he was here instead of in the hall where he was supposed to be. Charlotte had a way of imbuing multiple meanings into as few words as possible, from her long practice at being as efficient as possible. “Is Will awake then, we need to speak with him.” Charlotte sounded upset, and on the verge of tears, a sight rarely seen.
“Yes, but I think that the blow to his head might have done more damage than it looked like. He’s talking nonsense.”
“Well that’s why we need to talk with him Jemmy. Brother Enoch and I need to ask Will a few questions if he’s awake enough to answer.” Charlotte looked strained, when Jem turned to look at her, her face drawn. Brother Enoch was close behind her, and Henry nowhere to be seen.
“What’s the matter Charlotte? Surely you can’t be worried about me? You know I’m not worth it.” Jem turned back around as Will was speaking. He still looked dazed, and sounded as if speaking was an effort, but he spoke with such conviction, as if he knew what he was saying was an irrevocable truth.
“Oh Will,” Charlotte sounded so incredibly sad, as if Will’s words had broken her heart. “Of course I’m worried about you. So is Henry. We both love you. You have to have known that by now. When you hurt, we hurt.”
Will started coming more alert as she spoke, having an alarmed look on his face, and his breathing picked up speed. “You can’t love me. You and Henry can’t love me. No one can love me!” Will was panicking by the time he finished talking, almost managing a shout, even as it cost him energy, making him gasp for breath at the end.
“Why Will? Why can’t we love you? Who hurt you Will, you can trust me, you know that. If you can’t trust your parabatai, who can you trust?”
“Curse.” Will mumbled, barely audible as he was falling back into unconsciousness. “I don’t want my curse to kill any of you.”