Archive of Our Own

“I think I’m going to get a boyfriend for Valentine’s.”

Wooyoung rolled over onto his back and pushed his bangs off his sweaty forehead. In the heat of the moment, he had managed to drag the sheets off his mattress so that they now bunched uncomfortably under him, but he was too exhausted to do anything about it. His arms and legs felt kind of shaky, and his ass ached in the best way possible.

San dropped the tied-up condom onto the floor for now and stretched out next to him.

“That’s what you were thinking of while I fucked you?”

“No,” Wooyoung slapped him on the shoulder, “Of course not. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about lately. Like, I’ve never had a boyfriend for Valentine’s. Or a boyfriend at all, really, not a proper one. I wanna try it out.”

San pushed an elbow under himself to face Wooyoung. His breathing was evening out, but his chest still glimmered with sweat. Wooyoung licked his lips absentmindedly. He should ask San to get him a glass of water soon; he was parched.

“You can call me your boyfriend if it makes you feel better,” San said with a grin, and Wooyoung burst into laughter.

Wooyoung had never worried about their arrangement, not even when Yeosang had tried to tell him he should, because why would sex change anything between them? Friends with benefits was a thing for a reason. A great thing, and they’d been enjoying it for a year already. San was the only person Wooyoung had slept with who could make him laugh one minute after making him come. And Wooyoung had slept with a lot of people.

Wooyoung slapped San’s shoulder again for good measure.

“I’m being serious. A real boyfriend.”

San rolled his eyes and flopped back down onto the mattress, gaze on the glow-in-the-dark stars Wooyoung had once glued onto the ceiling while drunk. When he came, he wanted to see stars, literally, even if the sex was subpar. That was never an issue with San.

“Mhm, sure. You’ve got someone in mind already?”

“Nope. But it can’t be that hard. Seonghwa managed and he’s a pain in the ass.”

“He’s nothing compared to you.”

Wooyoung huffed and sat up to more effectively aim his most affronted glare at San. San ignored him, a grin tugging at his lips.

“You love this ass.”

San sighed, and Wooyoung was ready to slap him before he even spoke. “Unfortunately.”

Wooyoung barely protested when San pulled him down for a kiss. It was impossible to stay mad with San for too long, especially when he was naked and gorgeous and grinning. Wooyoung wouldn’t have minded another round, but it was almost midnight and he still had to finish a paper before he could go to sleep.

When San didn’t let him pull away, Wooyoung snuck a hand between them and pinched his nipple. San gasped, and Wooyoung took the opportunity to sit up and try to push him off the bed.

“I don’t have time for any more canoodling. I need to get stuff done before I fall asleep. Get out and take the condom to the trash when you go.”

San laughed and allowed himself to be pushed to the edge of the bed. Wooyoung was struggling to keep his stern expression. San dropped his legs onto the floor and picked his shirt off it.

“You’re still coming tomorrow, right?” he asked as he pulled it on. Their clothes were in a messy heap on the floor, and San tossed Wooyoung’s boxers at his head before finding his own.

Wooyoung caught them and wiggled into them. “Of course.”

“Good. Your name’s on the list.” San stood so that he could get his jeans on, and Wooyoung watched him zip up, mind already on the energy drink he had in the fridge and the half-finished analysis he needed to polish tonight. Life as a college student wasn’t easy, but having a best friend like San made even long Friday nights like this bearable. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Wooyoung met San’s eyes and grimaced. “If I’m still alive.”

“Be a good boy and I’ll buy you a beer,” San said with a laugh. He opened the door and before leaving, glanced back. It was dark enough that Wooyoung couldn’t make out his expression, but his tone was light when he said, “Let me know how the boyfriend thing goes.”

The line outside the club was pretty impressive. Twilight was located close to their college so most of the people queuing were students, covertly sipping from hidden flasks to keep warm. Wooyoung waved in greeting to people he recognized but didn’t stop to chat, having already caught sight of Yeosang waiting by the bouncer, hands pushed deep into his pockets.

“I’m freezing,” Yeosang greeted. His exhales made white clouds in the air.

“Sorry,” Wooyoung said and gave their names to the bouncer. After a quick look at his tablet, the bouncer waved them through. “I had to make sure I give the right impression tonight. No more one night stands for me; I am now all boyfriend material.”

They got rid of their coats and headed down the hallway, past the bathrooms toward the dance floor and the stage and the thumping music. San’s band wasn’t performing until eleven; the clock was barely past ten. Just enough time to get drinks and stop by backstage.

Yeosang gave him a once-over. He didn’t look any more impressed with Wooyoung’s plan now than he had sounded when Wooyoung first told him about it over the phone.

“What’s supposed to be the ‘boyfriend’ part? You’re wearing leather pants.”

“I’ve got to show off my best assets! Need to catch their attention somehow. I’ll hit them with my stunning personality later.”

“Sure. I guess you’re wearing a shirt at least. What about the choker?”

Wooyoung opened his mouth and closed it, then suggested, “It’s easy to grab a hold of?”

The choker was also wide enough to cover the hickey San had left on his neck last night. Wooyoung couldn’t have it visible in case he ran into someone promising. He didn’t want his potential-boyfriend-to-be to think he was just looking for a hookup or worse, that he was taken .

Yeosang shook his head with a laugh.

Everything was set up on stage already, the band’s name projected against the back wall behind the drum kit. Otherwise, the lights were off, and a mix of old and new rock hits was playing over the speakers. Some people were dancing, but most of the crowd was gathered around the bar or in front of the stage.

At the end of the bar counter, Wooyoung caught sight of Yunho. He was annoyingly tall, wearing the band’s shirt, and had his left arm in a cast. Wooyoung dragged Yeosang after him through a group of girls downing tequila shots and shouted Yunho’s name loud enough to catch his attention over the music.

“Did you pay yet?” Wooyoung asked when they reached Yunho and without waiting for an answer, added, “Get us a couple of beers too.”

Yunho was a nice guy, so he did as asked without complaining.

“Sucks about your arm,” Yeosang said and glanced down at the cast. “But I heard the new drummer is decent.”

“Hajoon can keep a beat,” Yunho said, “We only had three gigs booked that we couldn’t cancel so I’m not missing much, but yeah, sucks.”

Wooyoung patted him on the shoulder. “Maybe this will teach you not to play sportsball.”

“Doubt it,” Yunho said with a laugh and grabbed his beer. “The doctor said I’ll be ready to get on the field for the playoffs. You guys wanna come to the back and say hi?”

The backstage wasn’t much, just one room with ratty couches, a low table with an opened bottle of Jack Daniel’s on it, and a kitchenette in one corner. It served as the employee’s breakroom whenever a band hadn’t set up camp in it.

The speaker on the table was blasting music, still easily overpowered by Jongho’s vocal warmups. He nodded to them in greeting and kept going. Seonghwa had Hongjoong in his lap, and Hongjoong had his bass guitar in his lap, somehow able to keep tuning it despite all the noise.

San was sitting on the other couch, twirling his phone in his hand. His blank expression was swept away by a smile when he met Wooyoung’s eyes, and Wooyoung made his way over and sat down next to him.

“Let’s do a shot.” Wooyoung grabbed the whiskey bottle by the neck and slammed it down in front of San. He managed to spill his beer onto the couch but based on the stains, he doubted he was the first one to do so and decided not to worry about it. San pocketed his phone and reached for two shot glasses.

“Alright, but just one. I’m not planning on getting drunk tonight.”

He poured the shots. The whiskey burned going down, and Wooyoung took a large gulp of his beer to soothe his poor throat. Drinking always seemed to involve so much unpleasant stuff, which was why Wooyoung preferred sex. He got the same rush of adrenaline, but without the disgusting taste and the hangover the day after.

“Actually,” San said, voice unnecessarily low, “I was thinking maybe you could come over to my place after the show.” His hand had snuck its way onto Wooyoung’s thigh. Wooyoung bit his lip and angled himself toward San.

“That sounds—”

The door to the employee bathroom opened, and Wooyoung turned his gaze from San’s ripped jeans — he must have cut them himself because no store would sell ones with the cuts that high up — to the guy stepping out. And oh. He was new.

The dude was tall, not as tall as Yunho but taller than Wooyoung, so the perfect height. He was wearing a black shirt that was flatteringly tight across his chest, and he had a tattoo on his neck. Wooyoung liked a man with tattoos. He had nice eyes too, and when they met Wooyoung’s, the smile that spread on his face turned out to be pleasant as well.

Definitely boyfriend material.

He sat down on the other end of the couch Hongjoong and Seonghwa were occupying, and Wooyoung leaned toward him.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“I haven’t seen you here before.”

“I’m Hajoon. I play the drums.”

San shoved his refilled shot glass under Wooyoung’s nose. “Hajoon-ah is filling in for Yunho.” He tossed back his own shot, but Wooyoung didn’t take his eyes off Hajoon when he downed his.

“I see. I’m Wooyoung.”

“I know.” Hajoon grinned. “I’ve heard about you, hyung.”

“Good things, I hope”, Wooyoung said and honestly, he was the luckiest guy in the world. Here he was, looking for a boyfriend, and the universe handed him one on a silver platter. “So, are you any good?”

“Why don’t you find me after the show and let me know what you think?”

“We need to go over the setlist one more time,” San said and shoved his hand between the couch and Wooyoung’s ass to push him off it. “So all non-band members out. Seonghwa-hyung, Yeosang-ah, that includes you too.”

Wooyoung wanted to protest, but he also didn’t want to seem desperate. He flashed one last smile at Hajoon, then grabbed San’s wrist to pull him with him to the door that lead back into the club. Thanks to Jongho’s neverending vocalization and the music from the speaker, he didn’t have to worry about anyone overhearing them.

“Why didn’t you tell me your new drummer is hot?” he demanded and hit San lightly on the chest. San batted his fist away.

“He’s not our new drummer; he’s just filling in for Yunho.”

“Whatever, he can bang on my drums all night.”

“Ew,” San grimaced. After a second, Wooyoung matched his expression.

“Yeah, I know, not my best.” Wooyoung was doubly grateful that no one was listening. If it had been anyone else but San, he would have been mortified. San really was the only one who knew how uncool he really was. “But you get my point.”

“What about your plan? Didn’t you want someone who’d bang your drums for more than one night?”

“I do. Hajoon’s the one — I can feel it”, Wooyoung said and glanced over San’s shoulder at the substitute-drummer. He had taken up space on the couch, a grin on his face as he texted someone. Wooyoung reminded himself to get his number later.

“Really? But he’s… he’s not even your type. And I don’t think he’s looking for a relationship. Honestly, I don’t even like him that much, sure he seemed like a good guy but—”

“Why are you against this so much?” Wooyoung whined. San was usually his biggest supporter, just like he was San’s. Didn’t San want him to find eternal love? San was rubbing the back of his neck, forehead set in a frown, and Wooyoung realized why. He placed his hands on San’s shoulders and tried a comforting but serious smile.

“Is it because we won’t be fucking anymore? I’m sorry, San-ah, but once I get a man I have to stay loyal. We’ll be fine though, we’ll go back to being best friends without benefits. I’ll miss your dick, and you’ll miss my ass, but we’ll be fine.”

San exhaled, but the frown didn’t quite go away. He removed Wooyoung’s hands from his shoulders and took a step back.

“Yeah, you’re right. I need to go so… good luck, I guess.”

“You too!” Wooyoung shouted after him. He watched San walk back to the couch and reach for the whiskey bottle. His eyes caught Hajoon’s, and Wooyoung smiled, batted his lashes, and pushed the door open to go find Yeosang and the others.

The band was on fire. San, Hongjoong, Jongho, and Yunho had formed it in their freshman year, and by now all of them had grown comfortable enough on stage to be absolutely wild while they performed. Jongho’s voice was loud and clear enough to reach the bathrooms, and Hongjoong’s bass had the whole club jumping. San strutted across the stage with his guitar, confident and sexy, and wearing a top that showed off his arms. One of Wooyoung’s greatest pleasures was licking the sweat off them after their gigs.

By his open-mouthed grin, Wooyoung could tell that Hajoon was having a blast as well. He kept up with the rest of the guys, even though he lacked some of Yunho’s flourish. He hadn’t broken a single drumstick by the time they finished their set like Yunho usually did, but his biceps had been bulging pretty attractively throughout.

After two encores, the club adjusted the lighting, switching off the spotlights aimed at the stage in favor of blinking strobes over the dance floor, and the crowd that had been packed in front of the stage spread out to dance properly. The band would take some time with packing up their equipment, so Wooyoung snuck off into the bathroom to fix his hair and face after nearly two hours of singing and jumping.

By the time he rejoined his friends, the whole band had made their way into the club. Wooyoung’s first instinct was to go over to San, but he caught sight of Hajoon and remembered that he had a plan. Besides, San was chatting with a couple of girls so he wouldn’t miss Wooyoung.

Sometimes, Wooyoung didn’t get his best friend. San had people from all grades and faculties throwing themselves at him — understandably — yet he never went out with anyone or took anyone home.

“Hyung,” Hajoon’s voice pulled Wooyoung’s attention away from San, “What did you think?”

“You looked really good up there, Hajoon-ah.”

“Thanks.” Hajoon stood close enough that it would be pretty easy to slide an arm around his waist. He was a little taller than San, Wooyoung realized. He had to tilt his head back to look him in the eyes, and Wooyoung had thought he would be into it but now, he wasn’t so sure. “Do you come to all their shows?”

“I do. I’ve been a groupie since day one.” San liked to teasingly call him that whenever they ended up making out in the bathroom minutes after San had gotten off the stage.

Hajoon’s grin widened, and he leaned closer. “A groupie, huh?”

“Yeah,” Wooyoung agreed, then realized he was probably giving the wrong impression — boyfriend, not one-night stand! —  and corrected, “I mean, number one fan, you know. Not like I’m sleeping with everyone in the band.”

“Sure,” Hajoon said. His arm wrapped as easily as Wooyoung had predicted it could around his waist. “But I don’t think that would be a bad thing. I’d love to—”

Hajoon cut himself off when Wooyoung was jostled out of his grip by San. He had thrown his arm over Wooyoung’s shoulders to keep himself steady, and Wooyoung realized that somehow, despite being on stage not half an hour ago, he was absolutely smashed. The glass he was holding was empty; otherwise, its contents would have been all over Wooyoung’s shirt.

“Youngie-yah,” San said, too loud considering his mouth was grazing the shell of Wooyoung’s ear. “How’s the plan going?”

“It was going well,” Wooyoung said and turned to get a better grip on San's hips to keep him on his feet, “until now. Why are you drunk?”

“I emptied the Jack Daniel’s!” San brought his glass to his lips, then glared at its bottom when he found it empty. He made to walk off, stumbled, and Wooyoung pulled him back against his side. “I want another.”

“Sure you do. How about we go home instead?”

Hajoon cleared his throat, and wow, Wooyoung had completely forgotten he was there. Wooyoung grimaced apologetically and tried to ignore how San was nuzzling against his neck. San always turned clingy when he got drunk.

“Sorry, Hajoon-ah. I’ve got to — how about you give me your number? We can pick this up later when I don’t have to babysit my best friend.”

“Sure. Sucks though,” Hajoon said. Wooyoung managed to dig out his phone from his back pocket — the way San was trying to open the clasp on his choker with his teeth was really distracting, mostly because he wasn’t anywhere near succeeding — and handed it to Hajoon, who typed in his number. Hajoon handed the phone back with a grin. “We could’ve had fun tonight.”

“I’ll text you. I promise I’m fun on weekdays too.” Wooyoung was pretty proud of himself. He was sending out all the boyfriend vibes. He exchanged one last smile with Hajoon before turning his attention to San. “Let’s get you home.”

San remained clingy the whole way to his place. Wooyoung wasn’t sure if he had ever had a more difficult trip home from a bar this sober. He had San’s guitar over one shoulder, San wrapped around the other. San almost fell over four times in the metro, and Wooyoung almost dropped the guitar twice, but no one threw up or broke anything, so Wooyoung counted it as a win when they finally made it inside San’s apartment.

Wooyoung propped the guitar and San against the wall.

“Stay still while I get you out of your jacket. And your shoes. Fuck, why am I out of breath?”

San laughed and tilted his head back. “You should start coming to the gym with me.”

“Nah. I like it when your arms are bigger than mine. Raise your foot.” Wooyoung kneeled in front of San and tugged his shoe off, then the other. When he stood back up, he found San looking at him with half-closed eyes.

“You would’ve gone home with him.”

Wooyoung shrugged. “Probably.”

“But you want a boyfriend.”

Wooyoung hummed. San lost his balance when Wooyoung tugged the jacket off him. Wooyoung caught him and decided not to let go — they were so close to getting to bed without an accident — and lead him by the waist through the living room. San crashed onto the bed inelegantly, and Wooyoung helped him out of his jeans and under the covers.

When he tried to leave, San grabbed his wrist. “Stay.”

“I’m just going to get you water and ibuprofen. I’m not leaving.” Wooyoung smiled, so fucking fond because San was adorable when he let go with a grunt, lips pouting.

Wooyoung was as quick as he could be, so familiar with San’s apartment that he didn’t need to turn the lights on to find what he was looking for. San was curled up in the same position Wooyoung had left him in, and for a second Wooyoung thought he had already fallen asleep.

But when he crawled in under the covers, clothes left in a pile on the other side of the bed, San immediately wrapped himself around him. He was always tactile, and Wooyoung was a hoe for physical intimacy, but there was something unreserved about San right now. Like he needed Wooyoung to stay.

“He wouldn’t have become your boyfriend if you’d gone home with him,” San mumbled, words barely intelligible. His breathing was already slowing down, and his eyes were closed.

“You’re probably right,” Wooyoung conceded. “It would have sent the wrong message. I know he wants to fuck me, that much is obvious. But I need him to love me. I’ve never tried to get a guy to do that but it can’t be very hard, right? Guys like guys who are hot and funny, and I’ve got those down. I’ve just gotta spend some time with him, make one real big, selfless gesture that shows him how nice I am. Proves I’m boyfriend material. Easy peasy.”

San didn’t answer. Wooyoung turned his head carefully so as not to wake him. He stroked San’s hair away from his forehead and turned his gaze back toward the ceiling. He could make a guy fall in love with him. “Easy peasy.”

Unsurprisingly, San was the picture-boy of hangover misery when he woke up. Wooyoung made him breakfast when he finally got out of bed after one, and only teased him moderately when he complained about his headache. After a shower, San wrapped them both in a blanket on the couch, told Wooyoung to pick a movie, and slept through it.

It was warm and comfortable, and Wooyoung didn’t have any assignments hanging over his head, and they’d agreed to order Kung Pao chicken later, so even though he’d slept just fine, Wooyoung dozed off too.

When he woke up, he had rolled onto his back into the space previously occupied by San between him and the back of the couch. The blanket was gone, in its place San, warm and up to no good kneeling between Wooyoung’s legs. He had pushed Wooyoung’s shirt up and was leaving wet kisses over his taut stomach, eyes on the goosebumps he caused, a satisfied smile on his lips.

“What are you doing?” Wooyoung asked, voice heavy with sleep, and spread his thighs to give San more space.

“I’m feeling better,” San replied and pushed a hand underneath Wooyoung to grab his ass. Wooyoung raised his hips so that San could pull off the sweatpants Wooyoung had borrowed from him. “Thought I’d cheer you up since you didn’t get any last night.”

San’s mouth was a miracle, wet and tight and warm around Wooyoung’s cock.

“That’s very — ah, considerate of you.”

San pulled off with a grin. “Isn’t it?”

He reached to the floor, and Wooyoung rolled his eyes when his hand returned with a bottle of lube. Clearly, San had already been up. Wooyoung raised his leg and hooked it over the back of the couch, and San hummed in approval as he slicked up his fingers and began working Wooyoung open.

Before San, Wooyoung had never imagined Sunday afternoon sex could be like this. The sun was shining in through the window, coloring everything in the room a soft golden shade. The TV was on but muted; the only sounds were their breathing, and the wet slide of San’s lubed fingers, and Wooyoung’s moans.

It should have been boring or felt slow, but there was something about San that demanded all of Wooyoung’s attention. His eyes were dark and focused and sent a shiver down Wooyoung’s spine every time they caught his; his hands were assured, his grip just shy of bruising; and his mouth always knew just where to kiss, to bite, or just hover to have Wooyoung gasping.

After just two fingers, Wooyoung was just about ready to come. San dipped in a third finger, barely getting Wooyoung used to the stretch before rolling on a condom and lubing his cock generously. The blanket had been draped over San’s back, but it fell off when he pushed inside Wooyoung with one, assured stroke.

Wooyoung held his breath until San bottomed out. It didn’t hurt with the excess lube making up for the minimal prep, but it felt like San was taking up more space inside him than usual. San was big and like this, he felt even bigger. Wooyoung was overwhelmed, both tense and absolutely pliant under him.

“Why are you so quiet, hm?” San asked, voice almost low enough to be a growl, and nosed along Wooyoung’s cheek. He pulled back slowly, before thrusting in hard enough to make Wooyoung gasp. “Is it too much?”

Wooyoung shook his head, mouth hanging open. He could feel San’s smile against his neck. It was never too much with San, even though it was always so much .

San clearly wasn’t in a hurry, aiming for deep rather than fast. Wooyoung could barely move, pressed into the couch like this, especially not when San caught his wrists and pressed them into the couch over his head.

“Is this what you want a boyfriend for? To make you feel like this, valued and owned. Isn’t this better than bending over for a stranger in a bathroom, hm? They don’t make you feel cared for, do they?”

“N-no.” Wooyoung had to swallow to get his tongue to work. “Fuck, San-ah, feels so...”

“I know,” San murmured. His lips hovered over Wooyoung’s neck, over the hickey he had left there. Wooyoung arched into him, urging him to fuck into him even deeper. San wrapped one hand over Wooyoung’s wrists to hold them down and snuck the other between them to grip his hips. He picked up his pace, punching shallow breaths out of Wooyoung with every thrust. “Is your boyfriend going to fuck you like this, hm?”

San’s cock grazed Wooyoung’s prostate with every thrust, and Wooyoung came untouched, words caught in his throat. San caught Wooyoung’s mouth with his own and fucked him through it, hips snapping loudly until they stuttered to a stop as he spilled into the condom. They kissed until they were breathless, and Wooyoung was kind of relieved that he didn’t have to answer.

Wooyoung glanced at the clock for the hundredth time. He had his laptop open in front of him, but he hadn’t managed to write a single sentence on the assignment he should be starting on. The clock was just about to strike eight, and the library was mostly empty. Not many people wanted to spend their Tuesday evening on campus, which was why Wooyoung had chosen the place. He had a table all for himself, and the people closest were still far enough that he could hold a conversation with Hajoon and not disturb them. At least not too much.

A study date was the perfect way for Wooyoung to show Hajoon that he meant business. No one looking for a hookup would suggest meeting in a library .

Another ten minutes had passed when Hajoon showed up. He had a backpack slung over one shoulder, and the button-down was really working for him. Wooyoung pulled his fingers through his hair to make sure he looked his best, then placed his elbow on the table and propped his chin on his palm so that he could tilt his head and look at Hajoon through his lashes.

Hajoon was smiling when he pulled a chair closer to Wooyoung’s and sat down. He rested his arm on the back of Wooyoung’s chair.

“You look good, hyung.”

“Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.”

“What are you studying?”

“I need to get started on my essay on consumerism. The deadline isn’t until the end of the month but I like to get an early start.” While Wooyoung spoke, Hajoon had leaned closer with the pretense of looking at his laptop screen. He chuckled and turned to look at Wooyoung, face so close that if Wooyoung was to look at him, their noses would touch.

“I never knew you were a nerd,” he said.

“I don’t think I’m a nerd. I just like to get started on these early. For my postgrad, I’m going to apply to—”

“I’ve heard other stuff about you, though.”

Wooyoung brushed off the interruption, pleased by the teasing lilt in Hajoon’s voice, and tilted his head. “Yeah? Like what.”

 “I’ve heard you give the best blowjobs out of everyone in the social sciences department.”

Wooyoung had never cared about his reputation before, and Hajoon wasn’t wrong , but now, he realized that his reputation might make it a bit harder for him to get a boyfriend. Hajoon’s arm left the back of his chair to wrap around his shoulders instead, and he was smiling when he whispered,

“How about we go look for a book in the back and you can show me if it’s true.”

Wooyoung picked Hajoon’s hand off his shoulders as gently as he could. He had in fact sucked San off in the library before. There was a perfect nook in the languages section where they couldn’t be seen. But! Wooyoung had not invited Hajoon here for such things.

“I invited you here to study, Hajoon-ah.”

“Sure.” When Wooyoung didn’t budge, Hajoon leaned back, smile falling off his face. “Wait, really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Oh.” Hajoon glanced around him, and Wooyoung realized this study date was really not going well. “Um, I actually didn’t bring anything with me. So I think I’m just gonna… go.”

His chair fell over when he stood, and Wooyoung was too surprised to get a word out before he was gone. He walked out without looking back, phone already in hand. Wooyoung wondered who he was texting. He wondered if Hajoon was texting about him . He hadn’t given him the wrong idea, had he? He was wearing a cardigan, he was sitting in the library, and he had asked Hajoon to study with him. Nothing about that suggested a hookup, right?

Wooyoung shook his head and ignored the heavy feeling in his stomach. He’d have to consult with Yeosang later. Instead of wondering if he should be insulted, he turned his gaze back to his laptop and tried to get his attention to follow.

He was back at the library the following day, this time with Yeosang. But like yesterday, he wasn’t making as much progress on his essay as he would have liked, thoughts drifting to Hajoon and the looming Valentine’s day. He figured he should just get it off his chest if he was going to get anything done.

“Yeosang-ah,” he said and waited until Yeosang finished jotting down a calculation unintelligible to Wooyoung. Astrophysics looked as difficult as it was said to be. Wooyoung had long since given up on trying to understand it. “I don’t think my mission to get a boyfriend is going very well.”

“Shocking.”

“I never thought it’d be this hard. I’ve only got four days left and Hajoon still thinks I just want his dick. How do I let him know I want more than that? You don’t like sex, right?”

Yeosang put his pen down, correctly expecting Wooyoung to keep badgering him until they’d come up with a solution.

“Not particularly, no.”

“Then how do you do it? How do you let people know you want to date them?”

“I ask them out. I go on dates with them and if I think I like them, I tell them about my expectations.”

“But I’ve done that! I think? Haven’t I?” Wooyoung huffed in exasperation when Yeosang shrugged. “I thought the universe was on my side, but I guess not. And to make it worse, I don’t think San wants me to date Hajoon either.”

“I wonder why.”

“Yeah, me too! Like, he’s attractive right?”

Wooyoung didn’t understand why Yeosang rolled his eyes.

“I guess he’s handsome, yes. Have you considered that maybe he isn’t looking for a relationship? Maybe he honestly just wants to hook up?”

Wooyoung had, and he had admitted that it could be a possibility. Maybe even a strong one. But if Hajoon didn’t give him a chance, then how could he know? And besides, he had shown up at the library which Wooyoung still contended was not a sexy place — the fact that San had managed to make his head so cloudy with want in there that he had dragged his best friend into the back and shoved him against a bookshelf was irrelevant.

“Well, I can’t choose somebody else anymore. I’ve only got four days! And we’ve already been on a date so he’s my most viable candidate. Wait. There’s that dating thing, something to do with three dates? What’s that about?”

“You’re not supposed to sleep with someone until the third date.” Yeosang had picked up his pen again, and his eyes drifted down to his open book. Wooyoung slammed his hand down on the pages to keep his attention.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I guess the point is that you talk to the person and get to know them to see if you actually like them before sleeping with them.”

“That’s dumb. What if I like them after one date? And why can’t I talk to them after I sleep with them? And why three dates?”

“I don’t know,” Yeosang said with a deep sigh. “It’s just some stupid rule old people came up with to guilt teenagers away from sex. It doesn’t matter.”

“Dumb.” Wooyoung removed his hand before Yeosang could stab it with a pen. A girl at the next table was glaring at him, so he lowered his voice when he continued. “I mean, I don’t know if I like Hajoon. I think I do. He looks like he goes to the gym; I like that in a man. And he plays in San’s band, that’s good too. I like a man who’s into music.”

“It’s not rocket science, Woo-yah”, Yeosang said and looked up from his book on the subject, “talk to him and figure out if you like him. Give him a chance to figure out if he likes you.”

Wooyoung nodded, now determined, and picked his bag off the floor to dig out his phone.

“You’re right. I’ve got Friday free. I’ll invite him to my place so that we can talk without distractions. I’ll cook for him and figure out if I like him, and when I do, I can go on a third date with him on Sunday. And then if we fuck, we’re even following that dumb old people rule. That’s romantic, right? Fucking for the first time on Valentine’s day.”

“Sure,” Yeosang said, voice monotone and attention definitely back on his book, “Very romantic.”

“What’s romantic?”

San dropped his duffel bag onto the floor and pulled out the chair next to Wooyoung’s. Mingi sat down across from him, protein bar in his mouth as he began pulling out his books. They were coming straight from the campus gym, evidenced by the way San’s hair was still wet around his ears after a shower.

“My life soon enough, hopefully.”

“Ah,” San said with a pale smile. Maybe he was tired after working out. He had been going a lot to the gym lately. “What’s up with your sudden interest in romance, Woo-yah? You never cared about Valentine’s or any of that before.”

“I don’t know. I guess… I just want more. For a change.”

Wooyoung poked the tattoo peeking out from underneath San’s sleeve absentmindedly. He hadn’t really thought about why he wanted a boyfriend; he just wanted one. Sleeping around was fun and all, and his arrangement with San was even better, but it just didn’t feel like enough anymore. He wanted a best friend with benefits with romance. Was it too much to ask? The thought brought up a memory, and Wooyoung poked San’s arm again.

“Like, the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for me was when you got me flowers on Valentine’s last year. But that was just a joke, so it doesn’t count. I want that for real.”

Yeosang dropped his head on his book with a heavy thud, and Wooyoung wondered if maybe astrophysics was too hard for him too.

Wooyoung had made sure that his message to Hajoon left no room for misinterpretation, just a simple Come over on Friday? He had sent it quite late though, because he hadn’t managed to leave the library on time. He had gotten his essay started, but then straight-from-the-gym-San had proven to be too much of a distraction, and Wooyoung didn’t have a boyfriend yet , so they’d snuck into the back of the languages section to get each other off. Both being forced to keep quiet and the chance of being interrupted were huge turn-ons for Wooyoung, and with San’s palm covering his mouth when he came, Wooyoung had had to admit that maybe he was wrong; maybe libraries were in fact inherently sexual places.

But as he looked over his apartment, Wooyoung pushed all thoughts of sex and his best friend from his brain. He didn’t have lectures on Friday, so he had had plenty of time to clean and hide anything that might give Hajoon either the wrong impression about him or his intentions. The apartment smelled delicious, and he had lit a candle on the table and set out his only two matching plates. He looked beautiful if he could say so himself, no choker or leather pants in sight, and when the doorbell rang, he dimmed the lighting just a little.

Romance. He could do this.

Hajoon gave him an impressed once over. “Wow. You look hot, hyung.”

Wooyoung smiled, pleased, and stepped back from the door to let him enter. Hajoon was wearing a leather jacket, under it a button-up with a horrible pattern, but Wooyoung appreciated the effort. Maybe once they started dating, Wooyoung could convince him to just start wearing monochrome shirts.

“Come in. I’ve got dinner ready.”

Hajoon hung up his jacket and kicked off his shoes. “Dinner?”

Wooyoung nodded and lead the way to his kitchenette. He had tried the roast beef to make sure it wasn’t too dry, and the red wine sauce was honestly better than the best red wine could ever aspire to be. Wooyoung had taken a picture of the rosemary potatoes and sent it to San earlier for praise.

“You made this?” Hajoon asked, voice tinged with disbelief. When Wooyoung nodded, an easy smile settled on his lips and he moved closer to wrap an arm around Wooyoung’s waist. “I didn’t know you had other talents.”

And well, that sounded kind of rude. Wooyoung squinted his eyes and placed his hands on Hajoon’s chest to keep some space between them. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean,” Hajoon murmured and tried to lean in and — was he seriously expecting a kiss right now? Wooyoung turned his head away but still caught the flash of irritation that crossed Hajoon’s face.

His voice was dripping with exasperation when he said, “C’mon hyung, I didn’t mean anything bad by it. It looks great. I’m just,” and his hand slid lower across Wooyoung’s back, “hungry for something else.”

Wooyoung shoved him.

“So you just came here to fuck? Honestly?” he demanded, irritated and angry and honestly, kind of hurt. Hajoon was staring at him like he didn’t understand what was going on. At least he wasn’t making a move to touch Wooyoung again.

“Yeah? I thought it was obvious. Hyung, no offense but you’re kind of a slut. I just thought it was finally my turn.”

“Your turn? Your turn ?” Wooyoung hissed, and he was seriously considering throwing the potatoes at Hajoon. “You’re an asshole. Get out. You’ve lost any chance you ever had of touching this ass.”

Wooyoung held his fists clenched at his side so that he wouldn’t reach for the potatoes, and didn’t move until the door closed behind Hajoon. He was absolutely livid, and now the dinner would go to waste, and he wouldn’t have a boyfriend for Valentine’s, and what the fuck had he done wrong ?

Wooyoung wiped his eyes, angry that he was crying over that asshole, and stalked into his bedroom to get his phone.

San had replied to his picture with a thumbs up. Wooyoung pressed the call button and cleared his throat. He was not sad, he was not sad, he was not —

“ Woo-yah? ”

“Sannie-yah.” Wooyoung’s voice broke.

“ What is it? Aren’t you supposed to be on a date? ” San sounded worried, and Wooyoung sniffled. “ What did that asshole do? ”

“Nothing. Just… do you wanna come over? I’ve got roast beef and I can’t finish it all by myself.”

“ Sure, yeah, of course. I’ll see you soon. Don’t get started without me, okay? ”

And that got a chuckle out of Wooyoung, and suddenly he didn’t feel all that sad anymore. In fact, his heart felt all warm and fuzzy, and the corners of his lips were tugging upward. Maybe the evening wasn’t completely ruined.

Wooyoung’s tears had dried and he had blocked Hajoon’s number by the time San arrived. San hadn’t taken even fifteen minutes, which meant that he must have run from the metro station. That made Wooyoung feel good, and when San wrapped his arms around him for a tight hug he felt even better. He hid his face against San’s shoulder and clutched the back of his white t-shirt.

“Thank you for coming. Sorry I called.”

“It’s okay, Woo-yah, I wasn’t doing anything anyway.” San tilted Wooyoung’s face up to get a better look at him, and Wooyoung was happy that he wasn’t crying anymore. But his eyes must have been red still because San swiped a thumb over his cheek to check anyway. “What happened?”

“He said he thought it was his turn to fuck me.”

“I’m going to kill him,” San said, voice and expression equally furious. “Next time I see him, I’m going to kill him.”

It was probably wrong to smile, but Wooyoung couldn’t help it. “Okay.”

“No, I’m serious, Woo-yah. Look at you! You look stunning and you cooked an amazing meal and he just… What an asshole. He doesn’t deserve you.”

“No,” Wooyoung said and took a deep breath, “No he doesn’t. Fuck him. And not in the fun way.”

“Definitely not in the fun way.” San’s expression softened, and he brushed his thumb over Wooyoung’s cheek again. “Let’s not waste any more time on him, hm? I brought chocolate to cheer you up. We can watch a movie and do anything you like.”

“We should eat first, though it’s probably cold already.”

“I don’t care. You know how much I love roast beef, I’d eat it cold off the floor.”

“I know you would,” Wooyoung said with a chuckle and finally, let go of San so that he could take his shoes off. “I’ve got a bottle of red too.”

San placed his hand over his heart. “You really are the man of my dreams, Jung Wooyoung.”

“Stop it,” Wooyoung said, grinning, and turned around to hide his blush.

San stayed the night. After finishing dinner, they’d cuddled up in bed to watch a movie. They had fallen asleep like that, San with the laptop balanced on his thighs, Wooyoung with a heart-shaped box of heart-shaped chocolates in his. When Wooyoung woke up, he was still in San’s arms.

Everything seemed fine at first. Wooyoung took a shower, and he did the dishes they hadn’t bothered with last night, and when San woke up they ate breakfast together, but as the hours inched on, Wooyoung realized that he was in a Mood.

He didn’t care if people thought he was a slut. He kind of was. But he had wanted to sleep with all those guys — and that one senior girl who had pegged him to high heaven. Just because he liked sex didn’t mean other people were entitled to demand it of him. And he was more than just that too.

“San-ah.” They were on the couch watching a cooking show. Wooyoung hadn’t been paying attention so he had no idea why the contestants were running around in a panic. San hummed to acknowledge him but didn’t look away from the TV. “Am I not boyfriend material?”

San glanced his way. “I think you are.”

“Yeah, well you’re not unbiased, are you? Because no one else seems to think so. Even when I tried my best, Hajoon still just wanted to fuck me. Maybe that’s all anyone wants.”

As Wooyoung’s volume kept rising, San turned away from the TV to give him his full attention. His shoulders were tense like he was preparing for a fight and distantly, Wooyoung knew that he was looking for one.

“That’s not true. Hajoon and anyone who thinks you’re not worth something outside of the bed is an idiot.”

“Yeah? They can’t all be wrong.”

“Yes, they can.”

“If they were, someone would wanna date me.”

San pressed his palms against his eyes and took a deep breath. Wooyoung could still hear him mumble, “You’re so fucking dense.”

“No, it’s true! And you’re no better. The moment I told you we’d have to stop having sex you became all distant. I thought you were my best friend but turns out, you only wanted me around for steady access to my ass!”

San stared at him incredulously. “We just hung out on Wednesday.”

“Yeah,” Wooyoung shouted, “and we hooked up! I bet that’s what you were hoping for last night too. Are you disappointed that I wasn’t crying for your dick when I called you? We’ve still got time today, if that’s what you’re waiting around for.”

San was on his feet before Wooyoung could think of the next hurtful thing to throw at him. He didn’t look at Wooyoung, just marched straight to the door to shove his shoes on. Wooyoung stared at him over the back of the couch, blinking furiously to keep his eyes from welling over.

He half-expected San to leave without a word, but with his hand on the door handle, San stopped and looked back at him. Wooyoung couldn’t tell if he was angry or sad or both, mostly because his own vision was getting blurry.

“I love you, Woo-yah, and you’re my best friend, but you can be such an idiot sometimes.” He bit his lip and seemed to hesitate for a second before shaking his head and leaving.

“Yeah?” Wooyoung shouted at the closed door, “Well you can be pretty fucking annoying too!”

Wooyoung alternated between furious and miserable through the weekend, either full of restless energy or lethargic with no in-between. It was early Sunday evening — this Valentine’s day sucked — when Yeosang’s message arrived. Wooyoung had just emptied his whole closet onto the floor, but he still texted Yeosang an aggressively enthusiastic yes to his invitation to a singles’ party at Twilight.

Who needed a boyfriend anyway? Wooyoung could buy his own chocolates and flowers, he could entertain himself perfectly fine, and he worked a vibrator better than most guys worked their dick. So a singles’ party on Valentine’s day sounded perfect. He didn’t need a boyfriend, and he certainly didn’t need a confusing best friend to keep him company when a handsome stranger would do just as fine.

No more projecting boyfriend vibes. Wooyoung picked his shortest cropped shirt, and jeans that were so tight he had to lube his thighs to get them on. If he had owned a choker that said ‘FUCK ME’ he would have worn it. He hoped his messy hair achieved the same effect.

He was seated in a dark booth with a view of the packed dance floor when the sadness crept back. Yeosang had gotten them glaringly pink cocktails. The rest of their single friends were out on the dance floor, pink and red balloons hanging over their heads. Wooyoung supposed he should go dancing, but the song that was playing was one of San’s favorites. The whole winter, he had kept playing it on repeat when he was showering.

“Wooyoungie-yah.” Yeosang scooted closer and bumped his shoulder. “You look miserable. What’s wrong?”

Wooyoung sighed and stared at his glass.

“Everything. It’s Valentine’s day and I’m even more alone than I was last week.”

Wooyoung could feel Yeosang’s gaze on him, but he didn’t dare to look up. He didn’t want to know if Yeosang was judging him too. To his surprise, Yeosang carefully put a hand around his shoulders to hold him closer. Yeosang never hugged him first.

“Woo-yah… Why do you even want a boyfriend?”

“I just…” Wooyoung pursed his lips. He rested his head on Yeosang’s shoulder and really thought about it before answering. It had been hard to pinpoint what he was missing when it had been just a small feeling, but right now it felt like the void filled his whole chest.

“I want someone who wants me. Like, all of me. In all the ways. All the time. Even when I don’t look good, or when I’m being annoying or sad or say dumb, embarrassing stuff. Someone who is my person.”

The neon strobe lights looked kind of blurry so Wooyoung closed his eyes. He could feel Yeosang take a breath before he spoke, voice barely louder than the thumping bass.

“And San isn’t all of that for you?”

He kind of was. “Yeah well, it’s not the same. I want someone who loves me.”

“And San doesn’t?”

“I mean romantically.”

“And San doesn’t?” Yeosang leaned back, forcing Wooyoung to pick his head up and face him. Wooyoung didn’t know what to say, but thankfully Yeosang seemed to be in a patient mood. “Why did you start sleeping with San?”

“Isn’t it obvious? He’s hot as hell and great in bed.”

“You two were friends for a year before you hooked up though. And you didn’t know how… sexually compatible you two were until after you hooked up. So for real. Why? What changed?”

“I guess I…”

Wooyoung faltered. Yeosang was usually right, which was why he didn’t dismiss him right away. And like, Yeosang was right . Wooyoung had never clicked with anyone as fast as he had with San. San was the person he wanted to tell first whenever something good happened to him, and he wanted to tell him about the bad stuff too, which he usually kept shoved way down deep. He felt good when he was with San. And when they’d slept together for the first time, it had been because Wooyoung had wanted to feel closer to him — and he had looked amazing — and Wooyoung had never craved intimacy with someone the way he craved it with San. He had felt like there was something missing — kind of how he had been feeling the past weeks.

“I wanted more.”

“Yeah.” Yeosang stroked his hair, and it could have felt patronizing but it just felt nice. Wooyoung stared at him with wide eyes, heart suddenly beating way faster than the pounding bass over the dance floor. Yeosang was smiling. “And what about now?

“I want more. I want my best friend with benefits to be my best friend with benefits with romance. I — do you think he wants that too?”

Yeosang rolled his eyes, and oh. The previous eye rolls might have been because of him too. Maybe it hadn’t been the astrophysics.

“I think he figured out what he wants a long time before you did, and he’s just been waiting to see if you’d catch up.”

Wooyoung stared with vacant eyes past him at the glittering confetti that had been released onto the dance floor. “So you’re saying I could’ve had a boyfriend for Valentine’s. I could’ve had a boyfriend for last year’s Valentine’s?”

“Basically, yeah.”

Well, fuck.

“I need to go.” Wooyoung scrambled out of the booth. He could hear Yeosang shout “You’re welcome!” after him, but he didn’t stop running. He pushed through the dance floor and ran past the coat check before doubling back to get his coat. It was February and he didn’t want to get sick on Valentine’s day, not when he was on a mission to get a boyfriend.

The convenience store at San’s metro station had a small display of Valentine’s gifts in the window. Wooyoung skidded to a halt and ran inside. He recognized the box of chocolates San had gotten for him, and he didn’t care that he was stupidly grinning at a tacky box of candy when he brought it to the cashier.

He ran the couple of blocks to San’s apartment building, nearly slipping on the ice multiple times. He wasn’t sure if the wind had frozen his face into a permanent smile, or if he couldn’t stop smiling because he felt so damn happy.

He tapped in the passcode and ran to the elevator. While it ascended, he gathered his breath. His fingers were clutching the box of chocolates so hard he was breaking the plastic wrap, and as he walked down the hallway, he had to swallow to keep his heart in his chest where it belonged. Outside San’s door, he stopped.

What if San was too mad at him? What if Yeosang was wrong, and San didn’t care about Wooyoung like that? What if, when San had said he loved him, he hadn’t meant it like Wooyoung did?

Wooyoung rang the doorbell before another “what if” could scare him away.

San opened the door, and his polite expression turned into a confused one. He was wearing a black shirt and black sweatpants, and he was just the right height, and he went to the gym and liked music and had tattoos, and Wooyoung really was an idiot for thinking he had been listing things he liked in a man when really, he had just been describing San.

“Woo-yah, what are you—”

“I want to call you my boyfriend.”

“Um, you… what?”

“You said I could call you my boyfriend if it makes me feel better. It does. I want to.” Wooyoung caught his breath. “If you still want me to.”

San’s mouth had fallen open, though Wooyoung doubted he noticed. Wooyoung was shaking with anticipation, and when San couldn’t seem to find anything to say, Wooyoung held out the box of chocolates to him.

“Sannie-yah, will you be my Valentine?”

San looked down at the box of chocolates, and Wooyoung’s smile widened when he took it. When their eyes met again, San was smiling too.

“You’re an idiot, Woo-yah,” San said and stepped out into the hallway to wrap his arms around Wooyoung. “But lucky for you, I like that in a man.”

Wooyoung laughed and hugged him back as tightly as he could. He felt so warm and it had nothing to do with his puffer jacket and everything to do with San and how much he loved him.

“We should probably go inside,” San said, voice muffled by Wooyoung’s hood. Wooyoung nodded and let go, but he couldn’t stop smiling. San closed the door behind them, and after Wooyoung had shrugged out of his jacket, he raised an eyebrow at Wooyoung’s outfit.

“I was at the club,” Wooyoung explained, “but I figured confessing my love to my best friend was a better way to spend Valentine’s day.”

San laughed and took his jacket to hang it up. Wooyoung rubbed his hands together as he walked inside, heading straight for the couch. He should probably have been wearing gloves earlier. There was a bouquet of roses in a vase on the table.

“Who did you get those from? Do I have competition?”

San sat down next to him and took Wooyoung’s hands between his own to warm them up. He huffed a laugh, and Wooyoung realized he hadn’t seen San smile like this in a while. Not since Wooyoung had started talking about a boyfriend.

“I didn’t get them from anyone; I bought them for you. I’ve spent the whole day trying to decide if I should bring them over and leave them outside your door.”

“How are you so…” Wooyoung cut himself off, eyes widening as he realized, “The flowers you got me last year. That wasn’t a joke?”

“Nope.”

“Wow. I am an idiot.”

“Occasionally.”

“An idiot who loves you.” Wooyoung pulled his hands free just so that he could crawl into San’s lap and wrap them around his neck. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize. And I’m sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean anything I said about you.”

“I know.”

“I know you don’t like me just because of my ass.”

San was grinning when he said, “To be fair, it is a big part of it.”

“Well, it’s all yours now.”

San groaned, and his grip on Wooyoung’s waist tightened. Wooyoung couldn’t stop smiling, and San seemed to be having the same problem. “God, Woo-yah, I love you so much.”

“I know,” Wooyoung said and leaned in for a kiss, “I love you too.”