Chapter Text
If you were to ask 10 year old Kim Namjoon about the things he was grateful for in his life, the number of things he would want to say will be way too many to list.
At aged 4, he was forcibly removed from his parents' custody. In the span of 12 hours, he went from sleeping on the moldy and cold hardwood floor of the smelly basement, to a worn-out, thin and springy mattress. He went from eating plain stale bread, to a tray of soggy mashed potatoes with a side of tasteless greens. He went from counting the cobwebs on the dusty ceiling, to counting numbers in a torn and tattered math textbook. He went from listening to silence, to listening to the sound of endless chatter from the other kids at the orphanage. Many of the older kids in the centre would be caught groaning and complaining about the run-down, uncomfortable and noisy environment, coupled with inedible food. But to sweet, innocent 4 year old Namjoon, the orphanage was heaven compared to the hellhole he once called home.
Just when Namjoon thought Lady Luck was done granting him all the privileges in his life, just half a year later the young boy was granted his 3 biggest blessings - his adoptive parents: Kim Seokjin and Min Yoongi, along with their adopted son Jung Hoseok, who he now affectionately calls daddy, appa and Hobi. He remembered tucking himself into the corner of the playroom, completely immersed in a picture book about sea creatures while the other kids ran around playing tag. He remembered Hobi's friendly greeting, daddy's beautiful eyes and appa's gummy smile as they spoke gently to him. He remembered sobbing in joy and disbelief when they showed him the approved adoption papers, as all 3 of them enveloped him in the warmest hug he ever felt. Suddenly, he had a thick mattress with comforters, delicious home-cooked delicacies 3 times a day and a shelf filled to the brim with all the new books he could ever want. Namjoon knew he was blessed.
From then, a steady stream of blessings poured into Namjoon's life. Now at 10 years old, he had 2 amazing parents, 4 adorable brothers and a nice apartment in which they all lived in. He had his daddy Jin who cooked the best food in the world and showered everyone with love. He had his appa Yoongi who was a well-known music producer with an impressive income, and currently his role model for his future music career dream. He had Hobi, the source of sunshine in the house, an amazing dancer and Namjoon's roommate to share secrets with. He had 9 year old Jimin, who was the sweetest mochi and gave the best hugs. He had 9 year old Tae, the most handsome kid with a boxy smile and a unique personality. Finally, he had 7 year old Jungkookie, the most adorable and talented kid with a bunny smile. Namjoon loved his family so dearly, and wouldn't trade them for the world. He loved going to school and learning about all sorts of different things. He loved meal times with the aroma of food and endless banter at the table. He loved movie nights, snuggling up against his brothers, daddy and appa as they occasionally poked his dimples. Indeed, Kim Namjoon was grateful for many things in his life.
But if you were to ask him what he wished for, little Namjoon had one thing on his mind. To others, it may seem like a petty wish, but to him it meant a great deal, especially at times when he watched his brothers excel: When Hobi won his first dance competition, when Jimin got a standing ovation in the school talent show, when Tae was awarded a prize for his photos and even when little Kookie's drawing went on display at a museum exhibition. He would stand at the side, looking on longingly as Jin and Yoongi embraced his brothers and say the words he desperately longed to hear being said to him:
"I'm proud of you"
Namjoon had been trying to find a talent or achievement worthy of his parents' praise. However, being the clumsiest human being he knows, the little boy had decided to spend most of his afternoons curled up with a book, or watching nature documentaries. Sure, he could recite several phrases of How to Kill a Mockingbird, name 15 different species of crab or explain the Big Bang theory - but while it was impressive for a 10 year old, there was unfortunately no prize for just being a nerd. Each time his brothers brought home another trophy or clinched another medal, he felt he was the underachieving one, with nothing to show his adoptive parents whom he wanted so much to make proud. Namjoon had tried his best to help around the house without breaking anything, to take care of his brothers and carry on more responsibility in the household - earning a "good job" from both appa and daddy with a pet on the head, but not the reaction he was hoping for. He supposed taking on more chores was part of his job anyway as the older brother. He wanted to ask: "Are you proud of me?" but held his tongue every time. Namjoon knew it wouldn't mean anything if he asked for it. No, he had to earn it.
And even now, this thought lingered in Namjoon's mind as he sat in the family car. It was the day before the start of a new school semester, and Jin and Yoongi had brought the boys out for last minute shopping for school supplies. He and Hobi had were starting 4th grade, Jimin and Tae starting 3rd grade and Jungkookie was finally entering his first year at grade school. Namjoon enjoyed learning in school, the past 3 years gave him a chance to explore so many different topics with Hobi right beside him in class. But to Namjoon's dismay, that will all soon change in his 4th year. For one, he and Hobi had been assigned different classes, and had completely different lunch time from the rest of his brothers. Second, grades started to matter a lot more in 4th grade - it was the year that many prestigious middle school scholarships were up for grabs. While it sounded stressful, smart little Namjoon knew excelling in academics and clinching one of those scholarships was his best shot at getting his parents' recognition that he too can achieve something they can be proud of. His 3rd grade teachers were well aware of his academic potential, and had sent him home with a stack of various scholarship pamphlets on the last day of school, telling him to think seriously about which one to apply to. The poor 10 year old had so many choices it was overwhelming, and he couldn't wrap his head around the idea of actually applying and getting such a coveted prize.
"We're here boys!" His thoughts were interrupted by his appa's voice as they pulled into the parking spot. Everyone scrambled out of the car and chattered excitedly as they headed to the bookstore. Jin was carrying Jungkook, with Yoongi occupied with Jimin and Tae jumping excitedly on either side of him. Namjoon felt a hand grab his, and smiled brightly at Hobi. "Are you excited for the first day of school tomorrow Joonie? I know you're excited, because you love school and you always do so well!" Namjoon pouted and blushed slightly at the compliment. "You do great too Hobi... Especially in dance" he whined. "I'm sad we won't be in the same class.."
Hoseok immediately used his other hand to pinch his brother's cheek. "Don't be sad Joonie. I'll still see you around and we'll go back home together after school everyday, I promise!" he grinned as he held out his pinkie. Namjoon grinned back and hooked his own pinkie with Hobi's. "Promise!"
After a rather chaotic hour of wandering around the book store, with Jin and Yoongi constantly on the lookout for 5 boys running all over, everyone had pretty much picked out their school supplies for the year. "Alright boys give appa your things so we can pay for them!". Jimin and Tae trudged towards the cashier, each holding one handle of the basket filled with textbooks, new pens and notebooks, with Hobi following closely behind them. Jungkook was excitedly jumping up and down pointing at a bunny backpack on the top shelf. "Daddy daddy look can I get that pleeeasee~" he whined to Jin, who laughed and ruffled his hair affectionately.
"Of course Kookie, you deserve it after winning that drawing contest last week!" and with that Jin handed the fluffy bag to his youngest son, who squealed, thanked him and ran off to show his older brothers.
Namjoon watched from the side with a smile, clutching the large stack of assessment and literature books close to his chest. He was about to walk to the cashier when a flash of orange at the corner of his eye caught his attention. He gaped and his eyes shone bright at the object sitting on the top shelf - a Ryan pencil case! The boy immediately got excited and stared longingly at the case with his favorite cartoon character.
"Do you want the Ryan pencil case Joonie?"
Jin suddenly appeared behind him, placing a warm hand on his shoulder. "Daddy can get it for you if you want." Namjoon was about to jump with glee when he remembered that Jungkook had a new backpack only because he earned it by winning a competition. It wouldn't be fair for him to get a brand new case when he didn't deserve it, right? Hence with a heavy heart, the boy forced out a smile up at his daddy and shook his head.
"It's ok daddy I still have a pencil case that works."
Jin frowned slightly at the answer. "Are you sure Joonie?". Although Jin was extremely busy in the house with 4 other boys, he remembered Namjoon's first and only old pencil case being dirty and worn out. He knew Namjoon was a very grateful little boy, who very rarely asked for anything other than food and books. And here he was, looking at his dear son who didn't want to buy unnecessary things and Jin's heart swelled with pride. Just what did he do to deserve such an angel as a son? He watched as Namjoon turned and headed towards Yoongi waiting at the cashier, before looking back at the Ryan pencil case in front of him. After some thought, he picked it up and made his way over to join the rest of his family.
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"Alright boys time to head to bed, all of you start school tomorrow! Brush your teeth and change, appa and I will be up for goodnight kisses soon!"
Jin's call was responded with a chorus of "yes daddy" and all 5 boys scrambled upstairs to get ready for bed. Jin and Yoongi smiled fondly at each other as they cleared the messy living room - pillows and popcorn everywhere after their Sunday movie night. After clearing the mess, the 2 parents stood by the kitchen sink washing the large pile of dishes.
"Tomorrow I'll drive the kids to school and then head off for work. Company wants me to put in another music composition soon, but I'm having trouble with the lyrics." Yoongi groaned and ran a hand through his hair. "I know they pay well but geez these singers really don't care about writing their own music". Jin, sensing his husband's frustration, turned to place a kiss on his cheek.
"Don't overwork yourself babe. I'm sure the genius Suga will think of something soon."
"In times like this I wish I was still rapping in the underground world. It's so much easier writing diss tracks and letting profanities run free."
He was met a light smack on the arm by Jin. "Ya, don't you dare say that in front of Joonie. He really wants to be a producer too just like his appa, so don't become a bad influence on him please."
The man responded with a gummy smile thinking about his second eldest son. If he was not buried in a book, Joonie would always be found sitting beside Yoongi in his studio, watching in awe as he showed the young boy some basic mixing skills and how he composed music. The boy was such a fast learner - that he even managed to spot one or two mistakes that Yoongi had overlooked in his song. That boy truly is a genius.
After the pair finished cleaning the living room, they turned off the lights and made their way upstairs into the kids' bedroom. First they entered Jimin, Tae and Jungkook's room, where Tae was helping his younger brother brush his teeth and Jimin was packing his schoolbag. After countless snuggles, kisses and a bedtime story, all 3 boys were tucked in bed, with Jungkook already in a deep sleep. Jin kissed his head one more time before silently leaving the room and closed the door. He and Yoongi then made their way to Hobi and Namjoon's room, with Jin carrying the Ryan pencil case behind his back. Both boys had packed their bags and neatly laid out their uniforms - Namjoon already sitting in bed with a book with his big round glasses while Hobi in the bathroom washing his face. Namjoon looked up from his book and as his parents entered the room and gave them a dimpled smile. Yoongi and Jin each poked one of his dimples, earning a whine of protest from the young boy. Laughing, Jin sat on the side of his bed, running a hand through his son's hair.
"All ready for school tomorrow Joonie? Are you nervous?"
Jin was well aware that Namjoon and Hobi were assigned different classes and while he didn't worry about cheery, extroverted Hobi being able to make new friends, he couldn't certainly say the same for Namjoon who was much more quiet and reserved.
"A little bit daddy, but Hobi says it will be ok and I will still get to see him after school! And Minnie and Tae and now Kookie too!"
Both his parents smiled, and Yoongi leaned forward to place a kiss on his head before turning to look for Hobi in the bathroom. Jin then revealed the Ryan pencil case from behind his back and placed it in Namjoon's hands, who stared at it with a shocked expression, before squealing and looking up at his daddy with shining eyes.
"It's Ryan!"
"Yes honey, daddy decided that Ryan should keep you company during school, and always remind you that both your appa and I love you so much. We know you'll do great things Joonie." Jin said lovingly as he used his thumb to brush away a stray tear that fell from Namjoon's watery eyes. The young boy then threw himself into his daddy's arms, tightly wrapping his arms around his neck.
"Thank you daddy! I promise I will do my best!"
Jin felt his heart swell as he tightly hugged his son back. "I know you will Joonie.."
Finally, Namjoon let go and rushed to his backpack, transferring his stationary from the worn-out case to his previous new Ryan case, before carefully placing it into his bag. Once Hobi came out of the bathroom with Yoongi, kisses and goodnights were exchanged as both 10 year olds were tucked into bed. Once Jin and Yoongi left and the lights were turned off, Namjoon turned on his side and stared out of the window.
It was a clear night, and he could see countless stars shining, dots of silver on an indigo canvas. He could see several constellations which he read about in his astronomy books, and knew that a meteor shower was expected tonight. Just then, he saw several streaks of silver flash across the sky and he looked on in awe. Remembering he was supposed to make a wish, he closed his eyes tightly and clasped his hand together, curling his body under the blanket and wished with all his might.
"I wish I can make my daddy and appa proud of me."
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"Bye boys, have a good first day at school!" Yoongi called out of the car window as he watched his kids get out of the car and walk towards the school gates hand in hand. All 5 boys waved back at their appa and watched as his car drove away and disappeared down the road.
Namjoon and Hobi were on either side of Jungkook, holding their youngest brother's hands to ease his nervousness on his first day of school. "Don't worry Kookie, 1st grade is always fun. You get to do art classes and colouring!"
"I know hyungie! I'm not scared, I'm a brave boy!" Jungkook declared, making Namjoon chuckle and ruffle his hair. They walked Jungkook to his classroom, and after many hugs and making sure Jungkook was safely in class with the teacher, the 2 oldest sent Jimin and Tae to their classroom before walking together towards the corridor where the 4th grade classrooms were. Hobi held Namjoon's hand tightly as they stopped outside Joonie's class - the sounds of chatter and excited shouting clearly heard from inside despite the closed doors.
"Are you sure you're going to be okay Joonie?" Hobi asked in concern. Namjoon smiled reassuringly and squeezed his brother's hand.
"I'll be fine Hobi. You enjoy your new class too! I'll see you after school!"
After hugging his brother one last time, Namjoon watched as Hobi walked down the hallway and entered the classroom 3 doors from his own. Taking a deep breath, Namjoon slid his classroom door open. There were already plenty of kids inside the class, most of them gathered in groups laughing and talking, whilst others run around like madmen playing catch. Either way, the scene looked very different from all of Namjoon's previous classes who were not even close to being this loud and rowdy. Feeling slightly intimidated, he silently closed the door behind him and gingerly made his way across the room. He settled on an empty seat at the front row and closest to the window, at the very corner of the classroom. After pulling out his textbooks and his precious Ryan pencil case, he glanced around the room and noticed that some of the kids were looking at him curiously. He gave a small smile and waved, but the girls turned away while the boys scoffed and ran off. Namjoon felt his smile falter and he turned back to the front of the class, feeling his insecurities growing. Was there something wrong with me? Why did no one want to say hi to me?
The school bell rang and his classmates started settling down in their seats, but the seat next to Namjoon remained unoccupied. He bit his lip sadly, knowing that Hobi wouldn't be there to fill that empty spot next to him to keep him company. Just as he resigned to the prospect of sitting alone for the rest of the year, a boy rushed into the room, out of breath and he had clearly been rushing to make it to class on time. He was carrying a duffel bag, and had slicked back hair and looked like a strong athletic boy. The boy's eyes landed on the only empty spot next to Namjoon and made his way over, plopping into the seat.
"Hi there new desk buddy, I'm Jackson!"
Namjoon was slightly taken aback by the spontaneous greeting and he stuttered trying to reciprocate the introduction. "M-my name is Namjoon... Nice to m-meet you J-jackson..." He wanted to mentally slap himself for sounding like such a fool, but Jackson only laughed.
"Hey there, don't be nervous. I don't bite! It's nice to meet you. I've never seen you before though Namjoon..." He turned around, briefly scanning the room. "I know most of these guys from last year. We're a pretty loud and rowdy bunch. So I guess you just got transferred from another class huh?"
Oh. So most of the class already know each other. Namjoon felt his heart sink a little, realising making friends in his new class would be harder than he thought.
He was interrupted by Jackson nudging him gently. "Ya, don't look so down, it's only the first day of school!"
Namjoon was about to respond when the door slid open and a female teacher stepped in, and a sudden silence fell upon the classroom. The teacher had square-rimmed glasses, her hair in a bun and a stern look upon her face. Just a few seconds looking at her and Namjoon already felt intimidated. The way she dressed, the way she walked and her stern expression instinctively told him that this teacher is particularly strict. As the teacher put down her books and began writing on the chalkboard, small groans and mummers could be heard throughout the classroom. Jackson leaned over and whispered to Namjoon. "That's Ms. Cho, we had her for the last couple of years because she's the only one who can control our class. She's the ice queen because everything about her is just so cold."
BANG!
A sharp thwack made Namjoon jump in his seat, realising that Ms. Cho had smacked her ruler against the teacher's table and the room instantly became silent. "Good morning students, my name is Ms. Cho. I will be your homeroom and your literature teacher for this year." she announced, the stern look harder than ever on her face, eyes scanning the room full of students. "Most of you already know me from previous years, but I do see a few new faces." Her eyes landed on Namjoon and the frightened boy curled in on himself, feeling a shiver down his spine.
"I take teaching very seriously, and I hope all of you realise that starting from today, you are all in 4th grade. That means the time for playing is over and you better start working towards middle school exams! Be prepared to work hard, do I make myself clear?"
"Yes ma'am..." Quiet groans could be heard from some of the boys.
"Good. We'll start with some recap of last year's material. Open your textbooks to page 23."
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"Seriously? Did none of you learn anything from the past 3 years? These are the most basic questions!" The anger and frustration was evident in Ms. Cho's voice and Namjoon squirmed uncomfortably in his seat.
For the past half an hour, Ms Cho had tried to do a recap of their 3rd grade literature books and concepts, only to be met with silence when asking for answers from the class. Namjoon knew the answers to all of them (3rd grade literature books were some of his favorites after all), but could not find the courage to answer them. Now here they are, with 36 students sitting in absolute silence and a fuming literature teacher.
"Listen, I am not letting any of you for break time unless someone tells me how Portia saved Antonio from Shylock's wrath in the Merchant of Venice." Ms Cho leans against the teacher's desk and crosses her arms, eyes narrowing at the students sitting silently before her. "Well? Does anyone wish to speak up so the class can have recess?"
Namjoon pressed his lips tightly together as he glanced around the room. Some students were doodling, obviously not paying any attention whereas others simply grumbled angrily at not being able to go for break. He heard Jackson groan quietly beside him, muttering that he couldn't remember a thing from last year's literature class. Seeing how no one else in the classroom was going to answer the teacher, Namjoon took a deep breath, and shakily raised his hand.
"Finally! You in the corner, stand up and say the answer."
As Namjoon rose shakily to his feet, he realised that the whole class's attention was now focused solely on him, with several of them looking at him curiously. The poor boy felt his self consciousness grow, and quietly cleared his throat before speaking.
"P-Portia outsmarted Shylock by using his w-words against him...."
Ms Cho raised an eyebrow while keeping her gaze on him. "That's right, but you'll need to elaborate."
Namjoon shakily took a breath. "Although Antonio agreed to g-give Shylock a pound of his flesh, Portia claimed that "This bond doth give thee here no jot of blood", meaning if Shylock drew any b-blood, he would be punished by Venetian laws...." he quietly trailed off. He noticed everyone's attention was still squarely on him, and he heard a few snickers making fun of his stutter.
Ms Cho looked at Namjoon for a few silent moments, observing as the shy boy squirmed nervously from where he was standing, hands wringing together so tightly she was worried he may rub the skin raw. But more importantly, she was thoroughly impressed that Namjoon, at just 10 years old, was able to provide such a straightforward answer and even managed to quote from the book - something that even literature teachers struggle with sometimes.
"What is your name?" She could see how the boy visibly tensed up from the question.
"K-Kim Namjoon ma'am..."
"That was an excellent answer Namjoon. You may sit down." She gestured towards him and the boy immediately slumped back down in relief. "You all better thank him for knowing his study materials, or you wouldn't have had a break today." Ms Cho glared at the class. "I expect you to read up on last year's materials by next lesson, because I will be quizzing you on it. Class dismissed!" With that, she picked up her notes and left.
The moment Ms. Cho left the room, loud groans of protest filled the room as students stood up to finally go for break time. Namjoon let out a breath he didn't realise he was keeping in. That lesson sure was scary.
"Dude! That was amazing, how on earth did you manage to answer that? You must be like super smart!" Jackson exclaimed. Namjoon just blushed and shook his head shyly in response. "Well whatever I'm lucky to have a genius desk buddy this year!" The energetic boy slung his duffel bag across his shoulder and stood up.
"Welp anyway I gotta go play basketball with the team during break. See ya later Namjoon!" He called out as he waved, dashing out of the classroom.
Namjoon waved shyly back and turned back towards his bag. As he was searching for his lunch bento, he felt something hit the back of his head. Looking up, he saw a crumpled wad of paper and a group of guys at the back of the classroom laughing while looking in his direction. Grabbing the wad of paper, he slowly opened it to find the words 'NERD' and 'TEACHER'S PET' and 'LITERATURE FREAK' scribbled all over.
Namjoon sighed as he looked down, not wanting his classmates to see his watery eyes.
This is going to be a tough semester........
..........but I still need to make daddy and appa proud of me.