Work Text:
I opened my eyes to darkness.
Lucidity came back in bits and pieces. At first all I was aware of was the sluggish trickle of blood and fluids pumping through my body. My limbs felt stiff and cramped, my head stuffed with cotton. My mouth was as dry as bone and tasted of dirt and dust.
Once my body came to its senses, so did my mind.
And with that came the memories.
Pain and blood and groans and screams. The scent of metal filling the air. Demented laughing and the throbbing of bruised flesh and bone. Over and over again the blows came. Up and down and front and back. Forehand or backhand? Are ribs supposed to feel that way? Why couldn’t I breathe? What’s so funny? Bruce where are you why aren’t you here yet help help help-
Nobody came.
Just like before.
***
I arranged the meet at the site of my rebirth. He arrived right on time, and if it weren’t for the hood drawn low over my head he would’ve seen my raised eyebrows. His entire face was covered in bandages.
“I hear you’re ‘working’ Batman,” I began in lieu of a greeting.
“Maybe. What do you care?” he replied brusquely.
"You want to get to Batman. You want inside his head. I can get you that."
Even through the wrappings I could make out the twitch of his lips. “Hush, boy. Even the dead have ears. Come, tell me everything.”
***
Exhausted, I finally lay down amidst the roomful of broken furniture. The nosy landlord and his friend lay unconscious, possibly dead. A small part of me was saying I probably shouldn’t have beaten them bloody. It was duly ignored.
Newspaper clippings were strewn across the floor. Plastered across one of them was a chalk white face with deep set eyes and an inhumanly wide smile.
You remain unavenged.
***
I watched as Bruce swept through the throng of reporters into the courthouse and out of sight.
I watched as the society he spilt his blood for many times over attempted to pull him down and strip away everything he had.
I watched as tabloids and talk shows gossiped about the bite and the bruises.
I watched as despite the odds, despite the jury and despite his caste, Bruce Wayne rose and reclaimed his inheritance.
I watched as my father and brother embraced.
I watched it all with a longing that I immediately crushed like a wolf snapping a rabbit’s neck.
***
“Why bats?” I blurted.
Bruce hand stilled. He was in the middle of sharpening a new set of armor-piercing batarangs.
“Bats scare me,” Bruce replied with a straight face.
“Seriously?” I scoffed. “So, what you had some nightmares after watching Nosferatu and decided to fight crime in a Halloween costume and oh my god you’re serious aren’t you…” I flushed and mentally cursed my lack of brain-to-mouth filter.
“I’m afraid of bats, but instead of letting fear control me, I use it to strike back at my enemies.”
“Werewolves are way scarier than some flying rodent. When I grow up like Dick I’m gonna be The Invincible Werewolfman!” I crowed.
“The criminal underground wouldn’t stand a chance,” Bruce chuckled, shaking his head and turning back to his desk.
***
Batman and Nightwing leapt into action as easily as fish into water. Together they worked in perfect synchrony, two mere mortals successfully incapacitating the colossal android with the powers of a god. We were the Davids and Gotham was our Goliath.
I donned my helmet and prepared myself to enter the fray. The red metal gleamed in the darkness. Despite fervently reminding myself of the purpose for my crusade, I couldn’t help but feel a thrill of excitement at the prospect of racing across the rooftops again.
I always loved watching you work.
***
“Say, who’s got a camera?”
Despite his bruised ribs and at least three I’m sure are broken, the clown manages to manoeuvre himself and the chair he’s tied to out of the closet I’d just kicked a hole in.
“Ooh ooh! Get one of me first, then one with the crowbar, then another of us bitches here-”
“He knows?!” I hissed.
The Joker howled with laughter. “Of course I know, bird brain!” he giggled.
Tell me what hurts more, birdy boy? Hee HA ha HAA!
“We’re practically family.”
***
My prey’s scent hung thick in the air, heavy with the sweet stench of fear. I hurtled through the corridors in hot pursuit.
“ROBIN!”
I ignored the commanding voice coming from behind me. Who was he to order me around anyway? Stupid bitch. I shouldered my way through the rotting wooden door that served as a measly obstacle between me and my quarry.
“Robin! Stand down!”
There! I spotted the man and gave chase.
If I had listened I would've noticed the crumbling building giving way as the ceiling caved in behind me, cutting me off from my mentor.
The thrill of the hunt coursed through my veins. I’ve got you now!
***
I tossed the second gun towards Batman.
“If you won’t kill this psychotic piece of filth, I will!” I snarled, tightening my grip around the clown and pressing the cold metal harder against his temple. “If you want to stop me, you’d have to shoot me first. Right in my face!”
Batman – no, he was Bruce now – stood there silently, the weapon resting on open palms. After all these years I could still read him just as well as any pack member. Batman’s usual hulking and aggressive demeanour was gone and in its place was an uncharacteristic hesitation and uncertainty.
“No, Jason,” he finally let the firearm drop to the ground with a solid thunk. “I can’t.”
Bruce straightened, and with practiced ease turned on his heel, cape billowing, and made his way towards the shattered windows. The dismissal sent cold fury lancing through my heart. How dare you!
A beast reared its ugly head, black rage burning in its eyes and saliva dripping from sharpened fangs. You can’t walk away now, not yet, your part in this is not over!
The next moment passed in a blur. I remembered screaming in rage as the gun’s recoil travelled up my arm, but the force felt stronger than usual. I remembered the white hot pain of broken fingers. I remembered pained gasps and jubilant laughter. I remembered gripping a device tightly in my unmaimed hand.
Most of all, I remembered a huge black shape hurtling towards me. Its mouth shouting something I couldn’t hear amidst the angry howls raging in my ears.
Why won’t you listen?!
And the world went up in flames.
Just like before.
***
I opened my eyes to darkness.
The fear rose up like a viper, fangs dripping with toxin plunged into me once, twice, again and again. My left arm felt like it was on fire. I couldn’t feel my legs. My head throbbed to the rhythm of a pounding drum. My body felt heavy and weak and no… no no no not again I can’t do this anymore-
The hand that grasped mine felt like a burning brand against my clammy skin.
“Jason?”
The heat seemed to snap me back to reality. I blinked blearily, and gradually my eyes accustomed to the darkness.
Rock walls on all sides, reaching up and up and disappearing into the gloom, where I knew scores of bats would be roosting. The Cave was mostly shrouded in darkness and silent save for the rhythmic beeping and ticking coming from the maze of wires and machinery next to my bed.
I never actually thought I’d be back here again. The idea of returning to cave, even the grounds of Stately Wayne Manor, had never really occurred to me. I thought I wouldn’t be welcome, that I would be trespassing, but somehow just lying here in the med bay seemed like the most natural thing in the world.
I tried to sit up, but my body was still refusing to cooperate and all I succeeded in was making my hand twitch. The other hand, Bruce’s, continued to grip mine as he sat up. Some fiddling with the dials and the top half of my bed rose up smoothly.
Memories rose to me unbidden. The cave somehow looked… smaller than I remembered. The piles of gear and equipment littering the edges of the cavernous chamber had grown. Stalactites were missing, making way for more cables and floodlights. From my new position I could dimly make out the dark shape of the massive Crays over at the computer banks across the med bay. Not once had I ever seen them fully turned off before; there was always some database to scan through and some sample to process. I recalled how I once scaled to the top and dropped down right behind Bruce to surprise him. It didn’t work, but it had scared the beejeesus out of Alfred.
This is the best day of my life.
“Everything’s different now, isn’t it?” My tongue felt dry and scratchy, my lips were chapped and my voice barely above a whisper.
“No, this doesn’t change anything,” said Bruce. Through the foggy cloud of really good quality painkillers I watched as he settled back heavily into his chair. Even with the thick blankets his hands felt warmer than anything I’d touched in the past three years. My eyelids had turned to lead and the mattress had somehow become impossibly soft.
A hand stroked my hair and rested on my head. I sensed a moment’s hesitation, then something scratchy brushed briefly against the side of my cheek and-
Pack.
Family.
Home.
It’s been so long...
This doesn’t change anything at all.
***
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
-- Psalms 23.4