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It was rare for Nana to be awake later than Junna, who had seemingly adopted a “first to rise, last to fall” mentality to her studies. Each new day, she was spending every spare second with her head in a book or scribbling down notes until she had finally decided that today’s work was ‘enough’, where she then promptly seemed to switch herself off to sleep in an effort to recharge for the next morning’s duties. Tonight was an exception - Junna had just finished cleaning up her desk, loosening her hair while climbing into her bed. Stacks of frog-printed papers and notebooks crowded the right side of the table, with Nana near-collapsed on the desk, pondering blankly at the cream-yellow glow lamp.
Playwriting had consumed a lot of Nana’s time, being another weight to carry on top of the physically strenuous practice. Moulding scripts to fit the actress performing the role was her talent, though. She knew everything, certainly more than enough to accentuate the best qualities of each of her friends, and so when it came to editing this script her mind was laser-targeted to the point that she almost missed Junna’s groggy goodnight.
“Goodnight, Nana. You’re working so hard...remember to care for yourself.”
“Sleep well, Junna-chan. You know I’m strong enough to do this,” Nana replied, finally sitting upright and towards Junna. She could have sworn she saw a “love you” escape from Junna’s lips before she closed her eyes. Self care was something Nana was hopeless at doing, but the burst of energy that one gesture gave her was enough to convince herself to finally do something about this hunger she had been feigning ignorance towards for the past few hours. A glimpse at the clock showed the hands well past midnight, before Nana turned off her lamp.
The common room was dappled in moonlight, which helped Nana in her blind stumble to the fridge for the single banana muffin she kept behind the vegetables - just for ‘emergencies’ like this. As the fridge closed, Nana dug into the banana delicacy, meandering around the room, basking in the tranquility that was usually uncommon in the dorm. That was, until she noticed an unusual presence - ice-blue eyes darting directly at her own from the couch.
One Kagura Hikari, bundled up in loose blankets, wearing a thick blue-white sweater, cuddling a Mr. White plush in her arms. Trembling, shivering, and scared. Instinctively, Nana moved to Hikari’s side on the couch, getting on her knees and running her hand along Hikari’s arm to check her warmth. She began to ask questions, concern welling up larger in her voice after each one.
“Hikari-chan? Why are you out here? What happened? Are you alrig-”
“I’m fine,” Hikari replied, cutting off the chain of questions. Her voice was noticeably shaky, even as she spoke at a whisper. It took a while before Nana composed herself, hushing her voice as not to disturb anyone else in the dorm. She started again.
“I can tell you’re not fine if you’re out here alone, Hikari-chan. I just want to know if I can help you. What’s wrong?”
“Can’t sleep. Too cold.” Hikari rolled over to face the ceiling, gripping the plush tighter.
“Why don’t you ask to sleep with Karen-chan or Mahiru-chan? I’m sure they’d be fine with it,” Nana asked, mildly questioning why that wasn’t Hikari’s first course of action. There had to be a reason why she isolated herself, especially since she had two people dedicated to supporting her.
Hikari sighed, bringing the plush up to obscure her face, turning her words into a muffled mumble. “They wouldn’t wake up. It would be weird if I just went into one of their beds without asking.”
“I don’t think you’d need to ask them, although…” Nana reasoned that Hikari wasn’t concerned with the actual act of sleeping with either of them, but the consequences once either of them wake up. Karen might not physically let her get up for hours with some vice-grip hug; Mahiru, well, would definitely go into a panicked shock - regardless of which cute girl she ended up waking up with, but especially either of Hikari or Karen. Nana certainly understood the struggle.
“Ah, Hikari-chan! You could just sleep with me!” Despite the darkness, Nana beamed with an ever-so-bright energy any time she thought she could lend a hand to her friends. Hikari lowered the plush and grimaced at Nana - or maybe it was just her natural expression, but nonetheless, she was not happy at that suggestion.
“I know how you sleep. And Hoshimi-san would really not like that.”
Nana conceded that waking up with an arrow pointed at her head was perhaps not one of her highest priorities. But if it was a sacrifice to be made for helping a friend...wait, how exactly did Hikari find out about her terrible sleeping posture? Since when was that common knowledge? A certain Kyoto culprit was going to get some questions in the morning...
“Okay, okay, Hikari-chan. I’ll be here if you need me.”
Shuffling around some more, Hikari was now facing into the couch, her hair now draped everywhere over her sweater, obscuring herself from Nana. The room was silent apart from the wind passing by - causing a delicate, rhythmic rattle from the window - and their breathing. This moment lasted what appeared to be a few minutes, before Hikari broke the quiet by squirming back to her previous position, facing the ceiling once again with loose strands of hair over her face. She began to whisper in a light enough voice that Nana could only faintly hear.
“Do you see the lights, too?”
Nana opened her mouth, but didn’t have a response to the left-field question. Was this about Karen? England? The play…
“In London. They were blue. They always started out of sight in each dream that I had, but grew brighter. And I couldn’t take my eyes off them once I noticed. I would turn around and they would just move with me. A formation of stars. It kept growing until they came together as one, white light...and once that was all I could see, I woke up.
“The brilliance that was stolen from me, every single night.”
Hikari turned once again, this time towards Nana - the plush was now constricted completely by both arms, only loosening up when her eyes met the peace of Nana’s jade-green own. Remaining silent, Nana had bit her lip in worry - concerned by these familiar images Hikari was describing to her. The anxiety within Hikari was apparent by how she paused after each brief thought, fighting to get all she wanted to say out there. Nana continued to listen, and Hikari continued talking.
“I came to Seisho. To fix it, and to apologise to Karen. I thought I had failed our promise already. It would keep happening, but each day I ignored it. All I had to do was win this time. I knew what I had to do when we won the last audition. I thought I knew.”
Hikari hung on those words for a moment.
“And now they are red. The red of the star I could not reach. The star I built a thousand towers for. It doesn’t happen all the time in my dreams now, but I know I have to reach for it. Once I am blind, I wake up. It’s so hard to go to sleep, Nana...”
Exhausted, and in a last effort to get comfortable, Hikari moved Mr. White below her head, and planted her face down into it. Nana was looking out the gap in the curtains to the trees, glints of moonlight bouncing off the leaves that were still hanging on. It made her heart unbearably heavy to know that Hikari had been suffering - not just suffering, but accepting it so easily. Was her punishment so grave? Was Nana’s own punishment not enough, for the years she had stolen for herself? Beneath it all, Nana understood - she just wished nobody else had to as well.
“I see the lights, Hikari-chan. They’ve been on my mind ever since the first audition. I thought, if I won, I could just extend my hand out, and run the golden beauty down my fingertips to be filled with that feeling of warmth I desired. I got that feeling, but the light was still in reach, so I grabbed at it again - and again, and again. It was my beacon of hope.”
Nana rolled her head and eyes upwards, arm outstretched to the black nothing above her.
“I only knew how fortunate I was once I lost. I fear that shine now, because it’s still too dazzling, still so alluring...yet it’s a reminder that I could have given away everyone else’s happiness for myself, if I fought just a little harder. I’m terrified of making that mistake again, Hikari-chan.”
By the time Nana looked down, Hikari had turned her head towards the solemn girl, inquisitive about these experiences, but more importantly - she was calm.
“I hoped you would understand. I don’t know if anyone else could.”
Nana giggled, like she had some motherly knowledge that Hikari didn’t understand. While tidying Hikari’s hair that had now sprawled everywhere around the couch, she began to give some assurance to finally comfort Hikari to sleep.
“If there’s anything you want to talk about, you have Karen-chan right by your side, and Mahiru-chan, and all of us now. Our fears, and those lights, will fade in time, as the auditions become distant history. I know that if you ever wanted help, Karen-ch--”
The lights flicked on, fully illuminating the room. The two girls turned their heads to the hallway opening to see a deeply concerned and hysterical Karen peering into the common room. On the sight of Hikari, Karen rushed to her side, barely conscious of Nana’s presence right next to her. Without any delay, she began hugging Hikari around the chest, kissing her forehead continuously before asking a flurry of questions.
“Hikari-chan!? Why are you out here? Why didn’t you wake me up!? Are you okay? Do you need anyt-”
“I’m fine, now.” Hikari exchanged a smile with Nana, who had been quietly observing the outpouring of love that Karen was expressing. Karen turned her head to follow Hikari’s eyes, finally noticing the third girl’s presence.
“Banana!” Karen leapt off Hikari onto Nana, who accepted the tackle-hug. “Did you help Hikari-chan? I was really worried, I had this feeling like Hikari-chan went missing again, and I woke up and saw she wasn’t there and Mr. White wasn’t there and…” Karen continued, clearly concerned about losing Hikari again.
“I think I helped her, Karen-chan. You don’t need to worry, just make sure you can give some comfort to her.” Nana soothed Karen enough to stop her from being flustered, where she then turned back to Hikari.
“You’re sleeping with me! And in the morning, you can tell me all about it...if you want to, Hikari-chan. Hold on!”
“Kare-”
Karen had effortlessly picked up Hikari, burritoed in blankets, along with the Mr. White plush. Admittedly, Hikari was fairly slender, but that didn’t stop it from being an impressive (and comical) effort, leaving Nana giggling as Karen trotted out of the common room, carrying her cargo of one whole girl that had a completely terrified expression on her face.
“Thank you, Banana! Goodnight!”
After the two girls had vanished down the hallway, Nana picked up the half-eaten banana muffin that had been on the table overlooking this whole ordeal, and shut off the lights once again. As she was walking down the hallway, nibbling at what was left of the muffin, she thought about how she, too, could move on from those lights. Being selfless had turned into such a selfish endeavour; and although Nana never wanted to stop caring for her friends, there needed to be a balance. To be able to give and take without worry…
The muffin was gone by the time Nana entered her room, her steps becoming more delicate as not to wake Junna. She began to climb into bed.
“I can tell you did something nice, Nana.”
“J-Junna-chan??” The passive, tired voice of Junna had frightened Nana stiff, bracing for a harsh scolding.
“I don’t know how,” Junna giggled, “But you always seem to fall into these situations when I tell you to take a break. It seems Daiba Nana never stops working.” She had simply been awaiting Nana’s return for all this time; perhaps Junna was far, far more attached than Nana realised. Both of them were exhausted, however, and merely wanted to sleep more than anything.
“It can’t be helped. It’s my duty to be everyone’s Banana, isn’t it?” Nana curled up in her covers, ready to finally let this night pass. “Goodnight, Junna-chan.”
“Goodnight, Nana.”
A few moments passed. Nana couldn’t let this thought go.
“...will you care for me, Junna-chan, when I can’t care for myself?”
“Of course, Nana. I always will.”