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“You mind if I ask you somethin’?” Jon suddenly said, breaking the companionable silence they had been in for the last 20 minutes.
They were laying side by side on his four poster bed. Sweat cooling on their bodies. Both of them staring up at the ceiling. Jon had tried to draw her into his arms after they had finished fucking but she resisted.
She was never much for cuddling after.
Not that it mattered, most of the boys and men she had been with liked that about her. They liked not having to pretend that they cared about her feelings after they got what they wanted. And that suited her just fine.
Jon though…Jon cared about her feelings after. A small smile broke out on her face when she thought about how he seemed to like to talk more after sex than most women do.
“What do you wanna know?” she replied, already reminding herself to be prepared to lie to him about whatever he was about to ask her.
In the last few months since she and Jon had started fucking, it had become increasingly harder to lie to him. And she didn’t want to think too hard about what that meant.
So she looked over at him waiting for him to ask her. Steeling her resolve against those soft beseeching brown eyes.
Jon looked a bit shy at first, but as was becoming the norm, her sweet Snow-boy no longer allowed a bit of shyness deter him from what he wanted. Them being in this bed together was proof of that.
“I know you’ve been with other men before and I just wanted to know if what we do here is…. good for you?”
Well…Sansa wasn’t exactly expecting that. And it floored her for a second. Cause no one had ever…
He was looking at her expectantly in that Jon way she had gotten used to over these last few months and had come to lov-
No. She wasn’t ready to think about that yet either.
But....surprising herself; Sansa rolled onto her side, reached out and brushed his sweat slick hair from his forehead gently, looked at him fully in the eyes and told him the truth.
"What we do here is very good for me. And it feels good. It wasn’t always good with those others. The difference is, I like doin’ these things with you."
She paused a beat before going on.
"With you, I don’t feel pressured or guilty or like I’m doin’ it so that you’d... like me or whatever".
Jon’s eyes were transfixed on her as though every word she spoke was the most important thing he’s ever heard or will ever hear. And so, despite her good sense…she pressed on.
“I like the way you look at me before. I like that dopey look you get on your face during…and I especially love the way you look at me after we’re done.”
At her words, Jon's face lit up with one of his rare truly happy smiles. The kinda smile that made the sides of his eyes crinkle a bit and showed off his white teeth.
Sansa quickly shifted her gaze from his. Her skin suddenly felt too tight and her face seemed to burn and her mind started to spin. She couldn't think straight.
So much so, that she didn't even notice when Jon's arms reached out for her a second time and he had successfully managed to gather her to his chest. She let him smooth her hair back from her face and softly caress her cheek with the pad of his thumb.
Wrapped up in this warm cocoon of intimacy with Jon, she chanced another glance at him again and found herself caught up in the intensity of his gaze, looking down at her. What she saw in his eyes, she couldn't exactly put a name to but apart of her knew deep inside that it was something she had been searching for her entire life.
And it terrified her to her core, knowing that she had seemed to find that thing here. In this wretched place. With this particular boy....no with this particular man.
Her traitorous heart even skipped a beat when he had suddenly said, "I want you to teach me all the ways to make it even better for you."
....Well fuck.
Sansa almost let out an incredulous cackle. She couldn't believe this was happening. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. She wasn’t supposed to start feeling real things for him.
A means to an end. That was all Jaehaerys “Jon” Targaryen was supposed to be. The lonely, weak link in the family that she wanted to destroy. In the same way they had destroyed hers.
What she didn't plan on was falling in lov....No! It was just the sex. That's all this was.
The release of endorphins coupled with the thrill of being his first and being able to mold him into the kinda lover she had always wanted. He was willing and eager to please.
And why shouldn't she enjoy herself while she was plotting her take down of his father? Perhaps she should take a page from old Rhaegar's book. Take your pleasure while you destroy lives... without giving a damn who you hurt in the long run.
It would make sense that to destroy the Targaryens, she'd have to start thinking and acting like them.
But even as she tried to convince herself of that logic, she still found herself wrapped up in Jon's strong arms, she was still nuzzling her face into his chest and listening for the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.
Hoping she could live with herself after all this. After she inevitably breaks his heart but knowing deep down...she would never be able to.