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That girl was a whole universe on her own, if he had to admit to himself ( he does, but only for himself to ponder about, there’s no reason for him to say it out loud in this crowded cafeteria ), and does she know this? Absolutely not, not as he watched her as subtly as he can at the corner of his eye, as she animatedly chat away with her circle of friends. How she would gesticulate perhaps to punctuate her words, acting as underlines in a verbal conversation. Her cheeks pink and bright as her smile, and her laugh and —
“ — hey “
He turns his head slowly, as if the whole notion was taking every energy he had left in his body. Maybe it is, in a sort of funny way; he looked weary as hell, dark bags under his eyes that seem to carry his entire being and if he can just tuck himself in it like it’s a blanket, might as well. But no, he’s instead sitting here with one of those … people … during the sports festival ( he doesn’t want to say used his quirk on to, to show what he’s capable of, not really ) … it’s all in the past and he had proven his worth and how he’ll use this to be a hero, and not to be that . Not that. Tired eyes settle on his classmate, finally, after what seemed to be forever for the one who called his attention, his chin resting on his palm as he blinks once to signal he’s now paying said attention to him when the other still kept quiet.
“ Oh, uh, it’s just — “, Ojiro motions to him, then to the table not too far away, where Shinsou had been looking at for the past few minutes, then back at their table. “ You’ve been staring at that direction for so long, if you want to sit with them it’s fine “, a shrug would’ve ended that sentence too but instead it only settled in between the moments after Ojiro had finished, an action that doesn’t have to be visible for him to not take the hint. If anything, Shinsou might have been too perceptive sometimes, picking up on cues very easily; some sort of thing coming with his quirk and all, have to know this and that without actually knowing or asking. His eyes never really met with Shinsou’s and instead returned back to the food infront of him as he picked back up on it, leaving the conversation as it is since he never really bothered responding.
“ I’ve just been … thinking “, Shinsou responds a little too late to be considered comfortable. Leaves it at that too, and Ojiro nor the other boys sitting with them doesn’t comment further more about. He kind of did said he’d like to fight Midoriya again one of these days if permitted, if fate wanted them to cross paths again, and maybe these other boys figured that, that might be it. That he’s thinking when would this match happen again; this year’s sports festival perhaps? A practical exam? Who knows . He definitely doesn’t, so he’s the one who ended up shrugging his shoulders, a hand rubbing at the back of his neck as he decided to finish his lunch before it’s all over. Shinsou might as well quietly say thanks to them as they never picked up on who he was actually staring, and considered it’s just Midoriya. It’s just the want to prove to others that you’re better than before, a different person entirely as an exaggeration. But he heard her laughter once more, despite the loud chatter in this crowded cafeteria, he picks up on her voice like it’s a beacon and he was so close to physically fighting the urge to look at her again lest Ojiro calls him out on it again . Or Kaminari.
So Shinsou just stared at his lunch like he imagined it’s the one laughing at him than the girl several tables away.
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She’s standing not too far from where Midoriya was sitting, a hand on her chest as if she’s giving herself pep talk or just gathering some sort of courage, or as if talking to one of the friends she was sitting with earlier at lunch was like talking to the hot-headed blonde that made it his job to be the center of attention during PE. Shinsou doesn’t know the relationship between his new classmates, since he’s just figuring it out himself, and yes it might’ve been a whole month and a half but he also thinks isolating himself was a better option. For now, until he knows how it is to approach each one of them without feeling like it’s stepping on a minefield. Aizawa-sensei might’ve commented about how it’s like working in the pro-hero scene, when you’re finally in an agency and you have to talk to people that you haven’t met before. Real life and all was tough compared to this comfortable safe heaven that is UA. This class had experienced it first hand last year, and if Shinsou Hitoshi is lucky? Might be thrust into one of those first hand experiences with the League of Villains. Not that he’s excited for it, he’s dreading it more than anything, what if he froze infront of death? What then? What if in the end he’s not cut for the hero class after all?
He shakes the thoughts away and refocuses on the girl fidgeting with her own fingers, her gaze passing between Midoriya and the floor and her hands. If Shinsou had to compare it to something familiar, it’s as if he was about to witness a love confession in this rowdy classroom and if anything? He doesn’t really want to witness it, and decided maybe he should finally leave and walk back to the dorms. He takes his bag and lazily picks up on his things to shove in it when she, the girl he had been watching since this afternoon, turned just a little bit to acknowledge him existing. And suddenly he doesn’t want that and want her to focus back on Midoriya, and maybe if he doesn’t stop fixing his bag and appear busy maybe she’d look away and —
“ Shinsou-kun, hello! “, she says with that cheerful enthusiasm, corner of her eyes crinkling a little as her smile reaches it, her hands steepled infront of her. Her whole attention on him bubbles anxiety at the pit of his stomach, his chest tightening almost too subtly that he never would’ve noticed if he’s not solely focusing on it, his gaze not meeting hers and instead on the pen he carefully tucked in his bag.
“ Uraraka “, he says after a long while, “ hello “.
Maybe if he willed it enough she’d return to looking at Midoriya, return her attention to the other as she originally planned. Shinsou knows , or maybe just sort of can tell, how much Midoriya meant to her. She was the one who jumped in to save him back then during the joint training, she was the one who screamed for his attention to do something because she couldn’t just watch Midoriya suffer through whatever that was. And it’s true he could’ve ignored her and did something to win but —
“ Do you, uh , have anywhere to be? “
Shinsou’s eyes narrowed as he regarded her with slight curiosity. Her cheeks appeared to be pinker than usual, not that he’s been paying attention to the normal shade of pink it was or anything, but she had been taking most of his attention than necessary, and her gaze fleeted from him to her hand, to the floor like he replaced her attention for Midoriya. Actually, if he had to be honest with himself and to the voice in his head saying okay shinsou hitoshi whatever you say , to reason with this stomach churning feeling when she’s the topic of discussion ( or when she’s infront of him waiting for an answer ), it probably began when his curiosity of her padded fingers just got the best of him when he was zoning out, and he was unable to help himself of not to think of her in extension. He had felt what those pads were like one time, some days ago when he found her by herself sitting at the usual spot at the cafeteria, without Midoriya or Tsuyu nearby. He took that chance and he’s quite glad he did because that curiosity would’ve eaten him alive had he not done anything sooner. And that’s about it ! Not that because he’s thinking of other things, like holding her hand and running his thumb across those pads, or the softness of her palms or —
“ No “, he answered hesitantly, his bag slung on his shoulder and attention briefly focusing on the weight, as he prompts his face into something more neutral than this intensity that can rival Bakugou’s. “ Why? “
Apparently, Shinsou thought, that was the wrong answer because she smiled brighter ( how was that possible? He doesn’t really know but she did it so easily ), her hands shooting from how she had been steepling it for the last minutes, to holding his own with her pinkies raised. He almost felt his heart lurch out of his mouth at the suddenness of her action, this action that he had just been imagining not too long ago; she held his hand and tugged him towards the classroom exit, picking her bag on the way with her other hand. Shinsou let himself be dragged along, as if this was an everyday occurrence, as if this was normal for her and for him to do. As if — …… suddenly he felt very warm at these thoughts and slowly caught up with her rapid steps, pulling her hand to also slow her down until they finally stopped near the staircase.
“ Uraraka, you haven’t answered me “, he tried to not sound too exasperated with the energy she showed, but physically he was and he wanted her to understand that; yes he might have nowhere important to be but that doesn’t mean he can just be anywhere without knowing things beforehand. But Shinsou also knows he should be taking his sweet time walking back to the dorms while mulling about the earlier lessons and homeworks he had to tackle, and he haven’t considered yet the fact that Aizawa-sensei might ask for him when he finds him walking the hallways ( he didn’t though, fortunately- unfortunately . A mixed feeling really ), and he also knows that he should’ve been walking with Ojiro and maybe Shoji and Tokoyami in better days but alas, here he was … holding hands with Uraraka Ochako as he patiently waited for the answer he wanted.
He’s holding hands with Uraraka. It’s not a big deal, breathe in and out Shinsou .
He gently tugs his hand out of her grasp and noticed how her cheeks went from pink to red, her now free hands steepled infront of her again like it’s a habit when she’s nervous or embarrassed. Shinsou probably doesn’t look too far off, awkward that is, and he’s sure his cheeks were the same shade as his necktie and he instinctively rubs his neck out of habit, as if it’ll smoothen whatever turbulence he’s feeling in himself. She didn’t even gave him time to recuperate from his shambled thoughts nor let this silence envelope them, as once again, Uraraka’s hand darts to grab his easily and once again , he doesn’t pull his hand away before she’s holding his hands again and dragging him downstairs, outside, running now towards the dorms — or well, behind it.
Shinsou’s memory wasn’t that bad really, and this was oddly reminiscent of the earlier scene where she’s standing not too far from Midoriya’s table, as if she’s about to pour her heart out to him, except it’s him with his weary eyes and wary glances and he suddenly wanted to be anywhere else but here. There’s this feeling rolling in his chest, a bad cocktail of anxiety ; expectation, hope, fear — and he stopped feeling it as she suddenly released her hold of his hand ( he’s not going to think of how holding her hand felt really nice and it’s something he’d like to do a lot of times ), and skipped to the side of the building as if to check around if someone saw them. He might as well have looked like a total fool as he stared at her as she peered, still dumbly waiting for some sort of explanation when he let himself be dragged across the whole campus with no hesitation whatsoever and as if what they’re doing or about to do was illegal . It’s like he trusted her ( that they won’t do anything illegal ) and knew where they’re going. Okay, he might yes maybe perhaps trust her; he doesn’t know why but he’ll just attribute it to her features, to her smile, to the general aura she sort of emit around herself. The confidence she has that she knows what she’s doing and he trusts her so blindly, that he knows Uraraka did things with the safety of her peers at the top of her mind. That’s what he did anyways right? Trusted her so blindly, listened to her with no question. It sounded stupid now that Shinsou had time to think of it and he asked himself why. However, he never really had an answer as she tugged the sleeve of his coat to the bushes and trees, prompting him to follow her with no hesitation. Again.
God Shinsou you really should put your feet down around her at times, do you even consider her as a friend when you two barely talk to each other? Shouldn’t you put some sort of boundary between yourself and her and that she can’t just order you around like you’re some sort of … dog.
Uraraka’s face clearly translated to that of worry, with guilt perhaps at the curve of her brows and the firm line she set her lips into, and Shinsou can only tell it’s probably because he looked like he’s about to wrap her around the same binds Aizawa-sensei passed down to him and hang her upside this same tree and leave her there. Or he’s about to ask her a question with his quirk active, the words of his middle school classmates suddenly echoing softly at the back of his head — he won’t. He won’t — he won’t do that to her. Thats …
“ Shinsou-kun? Ah, uh, I’m sorry for pulling you out here without much of a word but I — “, she hesitated again and this pause is making Shinsou sweat, that suddenly it’s too warm for him to be wearing his blazer and he’s not mentally prepared to hear whatever that’ll come out of her mouth. He’s hoping it’s not what he thought it would be, but sometimes things just doesn’t go his way even with the kind of quirk he has. Instead of continuing, she left Shinsou in suspense and at the verge of having a mental breakdown on how this girl is pausing at such worst moments where meaning is left to those who heard it. He runs his hands through his hair nervously, tugging at the strands closer at his nape to force himself to stop lingering on the double meanings of an otherwise would be innocent conversation. She’s not here to confess some deeply kept secret or whatever else he’s assuming she’d do. Better to wait it out than force words from her mouth.
He watches her now with his full undivided attention, not lingering longer about meanings and confessions, observes her as she held a palm out in a form of voiceless wait here . Shinsou does what he’s told, not that it was difficult to do as he’s used to being still and being patient, and suddenly he briefly thought that if Uraraka Ochako, a whole universe of her own, asked him to follow her to the ends of the world; he would. Shinsou Hitoshi would follow her blindly with no questions, no hesitations and believe and trust her, that wherever that would be was safe and she’ll never let anything harm him as long as she’s there and he trusts her. And that almost frightened him.
Who is she in his life and why does he feel this way towards her?
Another unanswered question of self-awareness tucked with the others when he saw her now motioning for him to come closer towards a small clearing in the bushes. Slowly he walked over as he adjusted his bag on his shoulder, pushed this makeshift gate of leaves and barks out of his way to stand beside where she was, or so what he thought he’d be doing but she crouched and pulled him to do the same. It’s a gentle tug, and she’s too quiet but this excitement that was buzzing out of her was almost akin to when Kaminari uses his quirk, but hers was more of a gentle shock enough to jolt him to attention. He might’ve needed that as his mind’s been slowly drifting out of this whole strange event unfolding within his very eyes, like he’s physically here but mentally and emotionally back in his dorm room and trying to sleep. If the gods permit, if his body judged him tired enough to pass out. Mostly he’ll just be rolling around on his bed and not doing what he wanted to though, and he’d end up in the common room staring blankly at whatever’s on the television. Be it some rerun of a game show, or a drama, he wouldn’t be there enough to pay attention and will be likely using these noises as a distraction for him to just slowly drift off into a nap to get through the day.
But ah, yes, the task at hand and how Uraraka’s stare was almost too tangible that he can wave it away with his hand if he wanted her to stop staring at him. Shinsou does regard her again with an almost unimpressed gaze but she’s pointing under the bushes and — oh! OH!
“ I didn’t want to tell the whole class yet because it might stress them out, and I found them near the trash bins a few days ago and I thought it wasn’t a good place for them, and then I remembered you loved cats and you might know what to do … “, Uraraka’s voice was soft as she drones out, her hands resting on her knees and her gaze settled upon the kittens tucked inside a box, warmed by what appeared to be her old towels. She wore a smile so pretty that Shinsou suddenly wanted to keep it somewhere safe, where he can check it everytime something’s wrong because how she smiled felt like nothing was ever wrong. That this is a different universe he’s sharing with her that doesn’t involve being heroes in the future, doesn’t involve death that comes in the form of rage and anger, that here they’re just normal teenagers with nothing burdening them but grades and parents and what normal job would you like to take in the distant future? Nothing too heavy such as death or pain or never seeing your classmates again because they forced themselves to their limits to protect, to save, to help.
“ Shinsou-kun? “, her head’s turned a little to him when he’s forced back in this reality, and she tilts it a little to the side that her hair covered her left cheek and she’s still smiling but she’s confused, and worried and … “ a-are you not feeling okay? I-I should’ve waited for you to tell me what’s wrong but I got so excited and I got worried that something might’ve happened to them and I haven’t seen — “
“ Uraraka “, it shocked him he can still speak when he felt his heart stopped when she did these little gestures with that face of hers. It’s unfair how she doesn’t know and he’s almost blaming her for these distractions when he can’t even tell what really is this he’s feeling, another thing to mull over later when he’s alone he surmises. He turned away from staring at her and looked at the kittens with their soft cries and meows, extending his hand to brush one of them and smiles. “ It’s okay, I understand “, he does now, but what he doesn’t understand was this lump that just formed in his throat and his hands sort of felt numb and there’s a throbbing in his chest that isn’t his heart but something else. Something he doesn’t want to name but had been there when he faced Midoriya, when he remembered the voices of his old classmates, of this and that . It’s a dull ache he forced away as Uraraka rests her cheek on her knees and watched with interest how he’s petting the kittens and he’s looking at her again, a gravitational pull — a soft instruction between his ribs, in the space between them, the stars pointing and whispering to always look at her. To make sure she’s still there. But he shouldn’t … not when he knows, he sees, and almost feels in his own that Uraraka will never look at him in such way as he does because —
“ Should we feed them? I haven’t seen their mom since and do you think she abandoned them? I think Aizawa-sensei wouldn’t allow them in the dorms despite … “, she trailed off as her face contorts into that of concentration, as if there’s a secret she’s about to spill out that he might have known already with how she ended her sentence, but she held back in fear that when she continued Aizawa-sensei himself might materialize behind them. Shinsou smiled at her instead, his eyes softer than what he would’ve liked but he never was sharp around her to begin with, “ I guess we can “. It’s so easy to be like this around her, and he wondered ( more like a very selfish wish ), if she would encourage and cheer him up about being a hero just like how she does around Midoriya. Look at him with so much admiration as she does towards the other. If he beats him again will she? A very very selfish wish where Uraraka looks at him like he’s worth shit.
“ We can give them milk “, he says again as he finally stood and straightened from crouching for long, a hand extended for her that she immediately took, and he hauled her up with ease. “ I’m sure there’s some in the fridge! Or if not maybe I can ask Sato-kun or Yaomomo for some “, Uraraka beams at him, seemingly excited about such ideas she formulated in that pretty head of hers, as she walked back to the front of the dorms. He might need to clutch his chest one of these days when she beamed at him again or else his heart would land on her hands and he wouldn’t know what to do.
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It became a daily occurence then. A routine he shared with her, but never really kept much as a secret, as he had seen Midoriya and Tsuyu and Iida come at the back of the dorm at times with a plastic cup in their hands and he knew then. Uraraka shared this small joy with the class of course, that’s the kind of person she was. But he kind of looked forward to these moments spent with her, the quiet intimacy as he crouch beside her and she let him in this small universe she built around herself. That she trusts him too. But he knew it wouldn’t last, nothing in life really did. It’s only a matter of time until this moment vanishes just like everything else he once hoped.
It’s been a week after he was shown those kittens when Shinsou heard some of them discuss about the mother cat that maybe they can try and find, because as much as Heights Alliance’s backyard bushes was an okay place for these animals to grow, there’s something unexpected and dark and terrifying that hangs above their heads that they can’t just easily shake. And he knows majority of them wouldn’t put these innocent creatures to such cruelty.
So they did what they thought best; send them to be adopted.
Shinsou thought if that was the end of whatever he built with Uraraka, that after this whole thing it’s back to Midoriya for her ( not that she stopped, but she usually went to him about taking care of those kittens; success in small victories ). That it’s back to him just staring at her across the cafeteria and tuning out the noise to focus on her laughter. But this girl that was a whole universe of her own, was as always, full of surprises. “ Shinsou-kun! “, she looked surprised but otherwise relieved when she saw him, with the quick switch of her features of utter concentration to that smile and he couldn’t help but mirror such joy even for the briefest seconds she looked at him. He opened his mouth to greet her back but her hands found his, somehow, even if he vaguely remembered that same hand at the back of his neck, and she’s beaming at him once more.
“ I forgot to uh, thank you properly about those tips and helping me take care of the kittens, even if it became a class thing — if not for your help I’m sure they — but, thank you Shinsou-kun! “, and she’s halfway into a too formal of gratitude with his hand on hers, but he stopped her, his free hand shooting to her shoulder as he pushed her upright once more.
“ Uraraka, it’s alright. I had fun and … I liked seeing you smile “
He could have counted the exact seconds where her face turned red, but he’s too busy smiling back at her that he doesn’t want to appear like her general existence bored him out of his skull, or he never appreciated her coming to him for such little dilemma she could have looked over the internet. If anything it made him … incredibly happy to see her bright and beaming and … her.
“ S-Shinsou-kun ah, uh, would you like to sit with us later at lunch? “
He figured he doesn’t want to put a name on this feeling, not immediately anyways; on the way his chest feels weird and light, his heart beating miles per minute, his smile easier and reaches the corners of such tired eyes, and leaves it in the form of her face, of her presence. Her .
Sure Shinsou Hitoshi might always be tired, but he never will be tired of her.
“ Yeah “