Chapter Text
He took off in the morning, feeling great about himself. He knew that nothing bad could happen to him anymore. He had confidenceーenough to shake the world and rule as its new king.
Stensland was all smiles as he raised his thumb in the air. He was soaked with rain, but it didn’t matter. His backpack was light, and so was his heart. Billy Ocean was playing in his headphones while he attempted to summon a ride.
At least, that’s how things were in the beginning. Now, he had been waiting for a good samaritan to pull up next to him for two hours. He tried really hard to remain positive: That’s okay. Someone is gonna stop, eventually. I just have to be patient. I just have to believe.
He wasn’t always all sunshine and butterflies. He used to think of himself as a failure, a sad loser, a lonely soul. He was deeply scarred by disastrous relationships from the past. Like old gum, women would chew him up and spit him out. Then, he encountered the Grady Method for Self Love. He started to follow it by the book. First, he began growing a mustache, which was a really bad idea. Fortunately, he realized this soon enough and shaved it, moving on to Grady’s next lessons. He knew them all nearly by heart, and most of the time he believed in them. Everyday, facing the mirror, he would give himself those good-old motivational speeches before confronting the world. After a few months of training to love himself again, he decided to take on the challenge of the book’s last chapter:
Test your newly acquired confidence! Go see the world! Hitchhike! Meet people! Seduce! Amaze!
Of course, that looked easier on paper. Stensland’s phone’s battery was now empty so he couldn’t listen to Billy Ocean anymore and the rain had become a downpour. He gave up. He walked a long way to reach the nearest motel. Exhausted, depressed and dripping, he was having second thoughts about this whole "inspiring trip". So far, the only thing it inspired in him was a really bad novel plot about a heartbroken guy dumped by his girlfriend on his birthday. It was not mind blowing, but it could have been enough to make him want to blow his head off because it was exactly what happened to him only a few months ago.
He paid for a room and ran straight to it. As soon as he was inside, he burst into tears. He didn’t know why he was feeling like this right now. He had spent the last few months in a positive mindset, why was he giving up so suddenly?
He made up his mind: tomorrow, when the sun goes up, I will go home and forget everything that has happened. Maybe I’ll restart Grady’s Method from the beginning, but right now I have to stop weeping, take a shower, change clothes and get some sleep. Maybe I’ll smoke. Or drink. I saw the motel has a bar. What the heck, I’ll do both.
Get naked, shower, masturbate, move on.
***********************************************
It was not a busy night for Clyde Logan. Not at all. There were rarely any busy nights out here. One or two drunkards to serve per night max. That’s why he never said no to extra work.
The job was simple, that’s what the boss said: A ginger guy is gonna show up. When he’s here, you hand him the bag, and that’s it. How will I know it’s him? Clyde had asked. The boss paused for a moment, then asked him: Do you see very many people out there? No, Clyde answered. How about gingers, Clyde? Do you see a lot of gingers in that shithole? No. Then you will know it’s him when he gets there.
So Clyde was staring at the void, waiting for the ginger guy to show up. Eventually, the door opened to one. Clyde stared at him as if he were an alien. Well, that’s not what I expected.
What he expected was a picture straight out of a mafia movie. I dunno, a tough guy in a suit at least.
The man was thin, wearing a long sleeved shirt with stripes of the most random colors on it paired with shapeless jeans. He looked pretty cute in his own weird way. He asked for a drink. Clyde had a hard time focusing. The ginger’s expression changed as he looked uneasy from Clyde’s silent staring. After a while, Clyde answered:
-Sure.
Clyde had never done these kinds of transactions before. He had no idea how to proceed.
What do I do? Do I just give him the bag like that? Do I have to say something? There was only one other customer at a table far from the counter, drinking alone, and Clyde doubted he was even among them considering how wasted he was. He won’t be a problem.
- Did you come for… something special?
That was pretty clumsy. The ginger looked even more puzzled.
- Huuum… well… you mean, besides the drink?
Clyde nodded.
- Well, you could say that, the ginger answered with a slight laugh.
- Are you looking for someone, too?
The ginger’s eyes lit up and he blushed. Clyde did not notice the blush and thought the light in his eyes was a signal indicating that he was the one.
- I was waiting for you.
Clyde served his drink, then disappeared to the back of the bar.
***********************************************
Stensland’s heart was racing. Wow. I did not expect the barman to hit on me. It was the first time someone had ever done so. Plus, it was a guy. Though, that wasn’t important: feeling wanted is always pleasant, he thought, especially after all he’s been through. He had to admit that he liked the heated feeling in his chest. Moreover, he felt pretty lucky to be to the liking of such a handsome guy. I mean, with complete neutrality, he is tall, mysterious and handsome. A dream guy.
I was waiting for you. These words were running through Stensland’s head, repeatedly. They sound like lines from a cheesy movie.
Why did he leave so quickly? I didn't even get a chance to answer. Anyways, how could I answer? We just met. Literally! We barely even had a conversation and I fall for that! What am I? A Disney princess?
Prince Charming came back with a bag. He put the bag on the chair next to Stensland’s.
Stensland looked at the bag, then the barman. He gave no explanation and did not resume talking to him. Instead, he began cleaning glasses. Stensland started to understand there had been a huge misunderstanding. With hesitant hands, he opened up the bag and almost had a heart attack at what he saw.
This… this is… money… a lot of…
Stensland’s mouth was now forming a silent and shocked “Oh!”. So, that’s it? The barman mistook him for someone else? For a moment, Stensland considered telling the barman that he was not supposed to receive any bag full of cash, but…
Well, he was feeling pretty embarrassed. After all, he had begun celebrating their wedding in his head only a few seconds before, and now he knew that this was all just a stupid mix-up. Plus, this was… a LOT of money. This was exciting. There was no way Stensland could say no to such a thrilling new adventure. He drank his full glass at once, then sighed with a slight smile and said:
-Well! Thank you for the drink, and… my bag! Here you go! (He put three 20 dollars bills on the counter, as he was now feeling immensely rich.) Keep the change! Buh-bye!
He left the bar in a rush. Clyde was not even surprised.
***********************************************
Clyde was getting ready to close the bar. He was cleaning up the counter when the door opened. Without a glance for the newcomer, he said:
"We’re closed.”
- I did not come for a drink.
-Okay. But we’re closed.
-Listen to me, Genius. I have had a terrible day, so yes, I am late, who cares? The bag now, please.
Clyde frowned and looked up. What now? He swore this man was the very same ginger he had served a few hours ago, except now he wore a mafia-worty suit with his hair combed back and the face of Grumpy cat.
-Dude, I already gave you the bag.
-I beg your pardon?
-You were there, you took a pint, I gave you the bag, you left.
- I did NOT! Are you telling me you gave the bag to someone else?
-Yeah.
The man was infuriated. He started to cuss.
-Well, he looked exactly like you, Clyde said in his defense, 'have a twin or somethin’ ?
-What do you mean? Are you implying he was a ginger, too?
Clyde nodded. He stared at the man, who was now typing on his phone.
-So, its your twin?
-Shut-up! I don't have a twin! Not all gingers look the same! Did he give you any name?
- Nope. (Clyde went to the door and asked the receptionist who was smoking outside, probably listening to their whole conversation.) Earl! What was that ginger guy's name ?
- Err.. Cleveland...Priceland... No, Stensland! It was Stensland!
The other ginger made a very angry phone call. Earl looked sorry for Clyde, and Clyde was still stunned by the gingers' likeness. It's so trippy. After a quick check, they found out Stensland had left his room already, with shampoo and shower gel samples, a towel and the bag full of money. That was predictable.
It was now five in the morning and the issue had yet to be settled. The second ginger was still pissed after getting off the phone with his boss. He told him in a dry tone:
-Since you are the one who made this mess, clean it up now! What did his car look like?
-He didn’t have a car, actually, Earl said.
-What do you mean? He came and left by foot in the middle of the night?
-Yup.
-That’s utterly ridiculous, The ginger snapped, Well at least it won’t be a problem catching him, even with your obvious lack of intelligence.
Clyde was offended. He still asked:
-So, I’m supposed to chase him down?
-Absolutely. And I would suggest that you get to it NOW. Actually, I am coming with you.
-Can I finish cleaning up the bar, or…
The cross look the ginger gave him was an implied No. Clyde threw the bar keys at Earl.
- Finish my work and drink something. It’s on me.
His coworker’s face shined like a kid’s on Christmas morning as Clyde left with the bossy ginger.
***********************************************
Stensland was a blissful idiot. He successfully ran away with a bag full of money, and he even caught a ride on his way. God bless America!
The guy who offered him a ride was pretty kind, too. They had a nice chat on the road. Stensland was now feeling so good he couldn’t believe that he had been crying a few hours ago.
How will I spend all this money? Amazon. I’m going to buy the weirdest things! I can afford to throw my money now. I could stop working, find a palace, be the king of the hill! I would have the sweetest babes around me, everything would be all good!
It was hysterical. All because of that barman. I’ll send him a Thank You note once I’m all settled. I’ll write it in my pool, or in my jacuzzi.
The sun was now up. Stensland’s new road companion wanted to take a break, as he had driven the whole night.
-Alright! Stensland said, I’m going to go to the bathroom, and then buy a snack. You want something?
-I’m okay! I’m just gonna take a nap.
-Alrighty then!
Stensland left the car and went to the bathroom of the rest area they stopped at.
All this calls for celebration! Stensland thought with a bright smile on his face. And celebrate, he did: he smoked what remained of his stock. He didn’t mind. I’m so rich now I could smoke twice as much everyday! What a life it will be.
As he was daydreaming about this future life, he was startled by a hand reaching inside his cabin.
-Oh shit! It’s occupied! he screamed desperately.
But the hand had already grabbed his bag. The hand’s owner was now running with the bag. The bag full of money.
Stensland screamed some more:
-No! Wait! It’s my bag! Don’t take my bag! Wait! Please!
He left in a hurry, leaving his bong behind. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t A BAG FULL OF MONEY. Stensland was running like he never did before. Where is this brat? I can’t believe it. I can’t believe this is happening.
He saw a car leaving. He ran after it.
His dream life was fading. His not-future wife was waving goodbye.
He ran across the parking area in an attempt to follow the car. The guy in the passenger seat gave him the finger. Stensland stopped. They were too far from him, they were too fast. He was out of breath and desperate again. Another car passed by, then stopped in the middle of the road. What now?
***********************************************
Clyde was sick of the ginger complaining to him. He was sick of his contempt, of his bad manners, he was sick of the road and he was sick of this whole stupid chase. And then, he saw him. He stopped the car so suddenly his passenger hit his head with the most satisfactory “bang”.
-What the HELL?
-It’s him. It’s Stensland.
Clyde was leaving the car now. Stensland looked beat, but quickly his face showed absolute horror and he began running the opposite direction. He had recognized him. Clyde chased him down and quickly grounded him. The bossy Stensland clone followed.
-Please, please! I don’t have it! I don’t have it!
-What do you MEAN you don’t have it? The bossy clone barked.
-They stole from me!
-Who is they?
-The guys… the car… I…
-God! Take him with us.
-I told you he looked like you. Look, Clyde said while he was holding a struggling Stensland with some difficulty as he could only count on his valid arm.
-We don’t have TIME for this now, Logan! Where did the car go?
-This...this way!
Following the second ginger’s orders, Clyde threw Stensland in the car’s trunk. Before closing it, he said:
-Nothing personal, dude.