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  1. *

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    “If I gave Jackie a day of getting to have sex with me whenever she wants as a thank you for tidying the living room, I think she’d divorce me,” Hayden says.

    “Nah, man, she’d kill you,” J. J. says, which is probably true.

    Shane shrugs. “That sounds like a straight people problem.”

    Hayden is truly glad that the times of Shane torturing himself by being in the closet are over. But. Well. This conversation is kind of making him miss those days.

    ---

    Finally, after everything, Shane is a happily married man. Incredibly happily married. It only becomes a problem once he thinks it qualifies him to dispense relationship advice.

    Or, five times Shane gives relationship advice his friends disagree with, and one time he doesn’t.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,060
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    292
    Kudos:
    8,118
    Bookmarks:
    1,217
    Hits:
    45,146
  2. *

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    Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
    So the true way to combat the Bisexual Russian Terminator isn’t with homophobia...
    It's actually with even more gay
    ...
    You're a goddamn genius.

    ----

    The NHL rookies have joined forces to strategize now that two of the greatest hockey players of all time are on the same team and Ilya Rozanov must suffer from the unintended consequences of making hockey more woke.

    Mainly, the way everyone keeps implying that they want to fuck his husband.

    or: a group of rookies unionize and employ chirping as a form of psychological torture against a one Ilya Grigoryevich Rozanov.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,146
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    266
    Kudos:
    2,803
    Bookmarks:
    541
    Hits:
    12,034
  3. 3

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    The SVU squad accidentally befriends an eight-year-old named Kaiya through a wildly unhinged group chat.
    She’s funny, chaotic, and way too comfortable with all of them.

    She also has a dad.
    And a papa.

    And one very unfortunate day, those two facts collide in the middle of the precinct.

    Or:

    The one where Barba and Carisi have been secretly married for ten years, have three kids, and somehow no one at SVU noticed… until their daughter casually exposes everything on FaceTime.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,166
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    33
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    277
  4. *

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    The problem is, no one knows how to market Ilya Rozanov's (in his own words) sexy Euro masculinity to an audience of white straight men.

    He needs the best. And if it happens to be his secret lover’s mother who despises his very existence, so be it.


    +16319607169

    See? That is what I need. Do not care that you are not professional. You are best
    This is Ilya Rozanov

    Yuna

    This is a fucking joke, right?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,908
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    22
    Comments:
    2,650
    Kudos:
    21,342
    Bookmarks:
    4,592
    Hits:
    99,212
  5. 12

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    Steve used to love Valentines Day, being able to spoil his girlfriend at the time with whatever sappy shit he could find used to give him so much serotonin. He would take them out to dinners, movies, those weird Valentines festival things, anything he could think of in-keeping with the monthly theme. Valentines used to be his favourite holiday, until Nancy Wheeler told him their entire relationship was bullshit, and he fell from his high horse.

    Now all he does is sling those sappy ice cream sundaes for couples that walk into Scoops Ahoy in his stupid little sailor’s outfit, wishing he had someone to be eating ice cream with. At least he had Robin…

    “Haha, you wish that was you, huh, Dingus?” she snickers as he passes a bowl of ice cream to a couple at the counter.

    Or maybe not.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,186
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    110
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    769
  6. *

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    And if he is just the tiniest bit intrigued by the omega he’s coincidentally encountered twice already—well, that’s nobody’s business but his own.

    Yoo Joonghyuk is no stranger to fending off an omega's advances. He is, however, wholly unequipped for dealing with Kim Dokja.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,172
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    48
    Kudos:
    1,768
    Bookmarks:
    255
    Hits:
    19,693
  7. *

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    At the end of first year, Harry pocketed the Philosopher's Stone- in a secret pocket that everyone else missed.

    Now, two years later, Harry is in his third year, his friends are having the time of their lives in Hogsmeade, there's an escaped mass murderer running around, and Harry is going stir-crazy. Fortunately, the twins have a solution! Although- they're going to need something in return, and it needs to be good.

    Good thing Harry kept that Stone, huh?

    And then things go completely bat-shit crazy.

    (featuring the Marauders vs 1993, an exhausted Professor Lupin, a bewildered Harry Potter, and an opportunistic Hermione Granger)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    32,696
    Chapters:
    17/17
    Collections:
    80
    Comments:
    1,327
    Kudos:
    16,661
    Bookmarks:
    4,695
    Hits:
    226,854
  8. *

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    Inspired by a post on Tumblr, this is a AU story set during Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts, with one big, foul-mouthed difference. Instead of Horace Slughorn, the position of Potions professor will be taken on by...Gordon Ramsay.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    356,700
    Chapters:
    99/99
    Comments:
    8,533
    Kudos:
    30,089
    Bookmarks:
    7,882
    Hits:
    1,290,803
  9. 90

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    It does mean missing out on things like barbeques and team dinners sometimes, but it’s not as if he would have been able to participate anyway. At this point in his life, risking someone not taking his allergies seriously would mean potentially missing games, which makes it unacceptable. Jackie always makes sure he has a dish or two that’s safe when he’s over at their house, but if he was going to be the one guy sitting and drinking ginger ale instead of taking part in sharing nachos or Korean barbeque or burgers or any other delicious thing he goes in knowing he can’t have anyway, there’s no point in making a fuss about it. He eats at home, has a drink with everyone else, and he calls it a day. Easy. Safe. Foolproof.

    But also the reason it doesn’t occur to him that he hasn’t actually told Ilya about any of his allergies until it becomes immediately relevant five days into being at his cottage together.

    (how ilya learns about shane's food allergies) (and how shane learns what it's like to have someone who always saves him a seat at the table) (and who also makes sure there's food he can eat on the table to start with)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,957
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    52
    Kudos:
    337
    Bookmarks:
    89
    Hits:
    1,625
  10. 59

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    “...My husband here is always talking about coming to this restaurant.” Buck holds his breath while waiting for Eddie’s response.

    Eddie blushes immediately, “Yeah, I just love the food…” he says, nodding. Buck’s heart skips. He thinks Eddie will leave it at that, but he adds to the lie, “See, we’re celebrating our wedding anniversary tonight.”

    (Or, Buck and Eddie keep referring to each other as husbands, it’s undoubtedly nice… They’re not together, no. It’s a best friend thing.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,179
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    67
    Kudos:
    389
    Bookmarks:
    58
    Hits:
    3,015
  11. 1

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    Chuuya takes a deep breath. Dazai watches his shoulders rise and fall like the tides.

    “We probably shouldn’t stray too far from one another.”

    Chuuya is a vigilante without control of his powers; Dazai is there.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,750
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    24
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    292
  12. 12

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    Xichen had to go away to deal with sect matters, leaving his precious omega in their family capable (questionable) hands, and Jiang Cheng is experiencing pregnancy cravings and mood swings.

    Wangji urges his Xiongzhang to come back because they are having a crisis - A-Cheng is pouty and won't cooperate with them.

    Xichen arrives to a fond chaos. He wouldn't have it any other way.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,513
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    125
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    1,223
  13. *

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    "What if I help you?" Grace blurts out desperately, sweating even in the coolness of his house as his words finally manage to stop Adrian from storming out.

    "What?" Adrian says after a tense moment.

    "I can prove it to everyone," Grace says, his heart in his throat. "I'll - I'll make you and Rocky the most celebrated couple on Erid. I promise."

    "Stupid human," Adrian hisses. "You would give up your chance for him just like that?"

    "Yes," Grace says hoarsely.

    "Anything for him."

    ***

    Adrian does not like Grace.

    Which sucks, really, since Grace loves Adrian's husband and all.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    55,339
    Chapters:
    25/70
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    2,808
    Kudos:
    6,866
    Bookmarks:
    1,387
    Hits:
    129,963
  14. *

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    an impulsive decision to snoop through ilya's phone for jane's contact leads to cliff marleau forming one of the closest friendships with someone he's ever had. unbeknownst to him, his new best friend is actually shane hollander.

    a canon divergent in which cliff marleau befriends jane, and accidentally forms the friendship of a lifetime ;-)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    147,020
    Chapters:
    42/?
    Comments:
    2,930
    Kudos:
    6,615
    Bookmarks:
    1,916
    Hits:
    175,894
  15. *

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    After becoming a Boston Raider, Shane was still bracing, waiting for something to go wrong.
    Eventually, however, he realizes he doesn’t have to.
    Ilya has some feelings about it too.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    63,186
    Chapters:
    31/31
    Comments:
    996
    Kudos:
    4,748
    Bookmarks:
    983
    Hits:
    171,823
  16. *

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    Following the internet success of Shane and Ilya's presentation at the NHL Awards, ESPN decided to contract with them to do a whole series. It goes far better than anyone could have dreamed.

    -or-

    “When you think about it,” Jackie said, when Shane had dinner with her and Hayden a few days later, “hockey’s basically already reality tv.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    64,863
    Chapters:
    16/16
    Comments:
    1,445
    Kudos:
    8,696
    Bookmarks:
    2,946
    Hits:
    203,441
  17. *

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    Jabber looks at Assistaff with this easy gaze, like she's really just a girl in the room. Addresses her. Talks around Zanka instead of to him because he knows exactly how that gets under Zanka's skin.

    “Hey shawty,” he leans his weight on her, a little, “you seen what ya boy doin’? You lettin' him get all sloppy on me? Naughty girl.”

    Oh, fuck. Zanka hates that more than direct insults. Because, oh, because-

    It implies a triangle. Another witness to their debauchery.

    “Yer fuckin' crazy.”
    -
    Teasing and language

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,078
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    106
    Kudos:
    1,067
    Bookmarks:
    124
    Hits:
    7,573
  18. *

    Summary

    a series of aus where hockey never happened and everything else did.

    can be read in any order!

    Words:
    52,172
    Works:
    8
    Bookmarks:
    492
  19. *

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    Summary

    Wangji is just really really confused.

    (Or, a timetravel AU where WWX kind of assumes he must be hallucinating and behaves accordingly.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    42,253
    Chapters:
    7/8
    Comments:
    996
    Kudos:
    4,157
    Bookmarks:
    1,536
    Hits:
    72,324
  20. 7

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    In which Gus isn't as easily recovered from that incident in the hotel basement as much as he seemed, and eventually Lassie tries to do something about it.
    Kind of Gus and Lassie bonding, because we didn't get nearly enough of that.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,877
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    62
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    348

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