Chapter Text
The desk was hard and cold beneath Shikamaru’s cheek. He didn’t like napping on his desk. It was usually better with a book beneath, or Choji’s scarf, when he was lucky, but the wood itself wasn’t all that comfortable. It didn’t deter him, of course, but he far preferred the soft grass and the sun’s warm rays on his face for a proper napping spot.
Even with his eyes closed, he wasn’t entirely tuned out. Shikamaru liked to nap. Sitting up and being alert was just too troublesome. At the same time though, Shikamaru understood that there were advantages to being underestimated. The ‘lazy Nara’ stereotype had been cultivated for a reason, after all.
Not only that, but his father had warned him of the dangers of being just a little too talented, a touch too quick. Well, not warned, exactly. Shikaku didn’t do that. What he did do was lay things out — present information in such a manner as to suggest there was something there worth paying attention to, if only you could find it.
Shikamaru had found it. And what he had found told him that he was perfectly content with his current reputation.
Their teacher was currently going on about a new matter. Some sort of Elder’s Day. Shikamaru cracked half an eye open as Iruka explained.
“And the members of our very own Konoha Council will be joining us this Friday to review some of the lessons we’ve been learning recently. Everyone will be on their best behaviour, or else. They’re very wise and experienced, and you should all treat them with respect. We’ll all have a lot to learn from their stories.”
The Konoha Council, huh? Shikamaru had heard his father talk about them before. His tone had been neutral, but it was evident that his opinion of them was not the highest.
“Sensei,” Haruno said, waving her hand around wildly. “Sensei, I have a suggestion!”
“Yes, Sakura-chan?” Iruka’s tone was wry but indulgent.
Shikamaru opened his second eye. He even deigned to prop himself up a little in his seat.
The thing was, in all his life, there wasn’t a whole lot that piqued his interest. Most things were too boring and not worth paying attention to. The rest was too troublesome to bother getting himself wrapped up in.
Haruno Sakura was very troublesome.
She was also very, very interesting.
“We should make presents to give them,” Haruno said enthusiastically. “I can sew! And Sasuke’s good at drawing. And at the end, we can present them with thank you gifts! For all their help!”
Uzumaki cheered at this suggestion, but he did that for practically all of Haruno’s ideas. Sasuke and Hinata seemed to be nodding along though, and even Ino had a glint in her eyes that suggested she was interested.
…Troublesome.
“That’s a very nice idea, Sakura-chan,” Iruka said kindly. “Please feel free to make them gifts. We can set some time aside at the end of their visit to give them a proper thank you.”
The thing about Haruno was that by all accounts, she seemed to be a perfectly average, if slightly over-enthusiastic, civilian girl. And she was! Really. But still, every time Shikamaru looked at her, there was something that rubbed him the wrong way. Maybe it was the way she spoke. Shikamaru knew that his own intellect and vocabulary were far above average, but Haruno was just unnatural. Or the things she did. Like this whole Elder’s Day plot, which was most definitely her doing. She was scheming, loudly, overtly, but scheming all the same.
Maybe that was why nobody seemed to accuse her of anything. She was too in-your-face about it all, so why bother?
Still, there was something very suspicious afoot.
…Troublesome indeed.
–
Between the Council, the Elders, the Police Force, and his family, Uchiha Fugaku had a lot on his plate.
Balancing the push towards the coup was as stressful as ever. That being said, there were different complaints being raised now. No longer was it only about Konoha’s mistreatment of the Clan and the distrust of their forces… Now, it was about the defamation and disrespect of their noble clan.
…Yes, it was all due to that bloody musical.
Fugaku hadn’t seen it in person, but he’d definitely heard a lot about it. And while he wasn’t overly impressed by the material, he couldn’t help but be surprised by how positively they seemed to depict the Uchiha Clan. There was an emphasis on Konoha being the sum of its parts, with Senju and Uchiha working as one. And although Madara had indeed turned against it, the ending was far more forgiving than reality.
Most of the children seemed to recall it fondly, but the majority of the older members of his clan hated it. They called it blasphemous, disrespectful, a stain on their honour. And while Fugaku definitely wouldn’t call himself a fan, he couldn’t deny that it was making a difference.
Still, there were only so many times one could listen to off-tune renditions of Senju Hashirama without going insane.
Fugaku was just exiting his office when one of his assistants pulled him to the side.
“Tekka,” he greeted. “Did you need something?” He held the door back open.
“Nothing urgent, sir.” Tekka stepped back into the room after Fugaku, shutting the door behind him. “I just wanted to discuss the recent accounts.”
“Yes?” Fugaku tilted his head. “Is there an issue? If the council is still asking about the armoury budget, I told them just last week that it would be split with the housing repairs.”
“No, no, it’s not that. It’s about your personal transactions, sir.”
“Elaborate, please.”
“See, I just wanted to clarify something.” Tekka pulled out a stack of papers, flipping steadily until he reached the one marked with a dark tab. “Currently, the theatre company costs are under your personal account. Seeing as they are for clan benefit, would you like me to fund them from the Council account? Or if you’d prefer that I keep it discreet, please let me know.”
It wasn’t often that Fugaku was taken off guard. The last time that had happened had been during Mikoto’s second pregnancy. “Repeat that again,” he ordered, very calmly.
“...The theatre company costs. Two million yen to the Konoha Stagecraft Collective. I assumed this was an operation meant for swaying public opinion through the, ah, musical.”
“Two million yen,” Fugaku repeated. “To the Konoha Stagecraft Collective. On my personal accounts.”
Tekka’s expression was very rapidly falling. “...I assume I can take this to mean that you did not intend to spend two million yen on Hashirama the Musical.”
“I did not.”
He winced. “...And can I assume then that the purchase of forty copies of adult erotica novels was also not your doing?”
“...”
“...Fugaku-sama?”
The resulting explosion was loud enough to be heard all across Konoha.
–
Sasuke stomped up towards the group, expression trapped in a permanent scowl.
“This is all your fault,” he accused.
“Me? My fault?” Sakura pointed at herself, offended. “What did I do?”
“You got me in trouble!”
“In trouble? In trouble how? In trouble with whom?”
“In trouble with Tou-san!” Sasuke clutched his hands in his hair. He looked more distressed than angry now. “He found out about all the money!”
“The… oooh.” Sakura's eyes widened. “Oh, oh that’s… not great. Did he find out, uh, what we’ve been spending it on?”
“Yes.”
Sakura winced. “Well that’s… doubly not great.”
Hinata poked her fingers together worriedly. “A-are you alright, Sasuke-kun?”
“Fine, I guess.” Sasuke crossed his arms. “He got really mad at me, and he asked me a bunch of questions, but he didn’t actually know what we did. He thinks that I spilled his account information or got scammed or something. I’d never do that!”
“Of course you wouldn’t do that!” Naruto clenched his fists. “That’s so unfair! It’s not your fault your dad doesn’t realize we’re buying weird adult books for a good reason!”
“A-adult books…” Hinata’s face immediately flushed. Neji laid a hand on her shoulder, glaring Naruto down suspiciously.
Sasuke huffed. “I saved the books, you know. But now your plan won’t work anyway. We can’t pay the model. I don’t have any money anymore.”
“...Ah. That might be a problem.” Sakura suddenly slapped her hands into her cheeks. “Alright, we need solutions! Think, people! Any ideas? Get-rich-quick schemes?”
Naruto scratched his head. “I don’t have that much money. Only what Jiji gives me every month.”
Sakura squinted at him. “Could we maybe convince him to give you more money? Like… a couple million yen more?”
Naruto shook his head. “Jiji’s cheap. He only buys me like, three bowls of ramen when we go out.”
“Okay, okay.” Sakura started pacing. “Other rich people we know. The Hokage’s rich. Uh… who else is rich? And willing to pay? What do we have to offer… ugh, we should have taken a commission on the Hashirama merch…”
“Um…” Hinata started timidly.
“We should just sell the books,” Sasuke groused.
Sakura considered it. “I guess right now we have a monopoly on them. We could just jack the prices way up. Or we could write our own! Is that legal? I wonder if Jiraiya has a copyright claim… oh! Jiraiya! Jiraiya!” Sakura was grinning wildly.
“What is it?” Naruto had jumped to his feet as well.
“Okay, new plan.” Sakura pointed at Naruto very determinedly. “You are going to pimp me out.”
Hinata fainted. Neji let out a startled hiss and immediately got to work trying to fan her awake.
Naruto tilted his head. “What’s that?”
“Hm…” Sakura tapped a finger against her lips. “Okay, so, Jiraiya likes women. In a sexy way. Like the weird adult books. And he’ll pay women a lot, right? Like, tons of cash. So basically, we’ll all learn henge, I’ll pretend to be older, he’ll pay me, and then poof! I’ll take off the disguise. And it’s bad when adults are with kids, so then we can blackmail him! For lots and lots of money!”
Sasuke stared at her with wide eyes. “...This is your worst plan yet.”
Sakura didn’t back down. “It’ll work! And worst case scenario, Naruto can just guilt trip him. Maybe he’ll even give you money! Maybe.”
“U-um…” A small voice said, and they all looked over to where Hinata was sitting up again rather woozily. “I h-have a suggestion…”
Sakura made a giant ‘X’ with her arms. “You can’t pimp me out! You’re too pure! I forbid it!”
“No!” Hinata shrieked. Her face was suddenly red again. She coughed, then hid her head in her hands. “It was a-another suggestion… um… As a member of the Hyuuga h-head family, I have money…”
“Hinata-sama!” Neji exclaimed.
Sakura subsided, eyeing Hinata carefully. For the first time, her tone was actually serious. She took Hinata’s hands in hers. “You don’t need to do that. I can figure something out. Something that’s not even pimping! Probably. Sasuke got in trouble, you know. Which shouldn’t have happened. Sasuke, I’m very sorry about that.”
Sasuke turned away, tucking his chin in his collar. “...whatever. I agreed to it anyway.”
“I w-want to,” Hinata said. Her voice wasn’t solid, but it was firm enough. “Y-you’re my friend. And you s-say it’s important… so I want to.”
“It can’t be that important,” Neji said sharply, before glancing back down at Hinata. “...But it’s Hinata-sama’s choice. I will make sure she doesn’t get caught.”
Sakura threw her arms around them both, ignoring Hinata’s squeak of alarm and Neji’s sputtering. “Alright!” She cheered. “You’re the best! Team Takedown is a go!”
–
It started with a flyer Kakashi received outside his doorstep. Kakashi almost never received flyers. He lived in a shinobi-heavy complex, and people just didn’t do that there. Still, there it was, white flimsy paper, and a very rough drawing of a very familiar book cover.
Icha Icha Model Book Signing! The large letters of at the top of the page proclaimed cheerily. More text followed below it: Icha Icha Makeout Paradise cover art model and inspiration Inoue Mae to hold book signing and Q&A. Enter the draw to win free copy of Icha Icha Sequel!
There was a location and a time printed at the bottom of the page. Kakashi couldn’t help but quickly calculate it. Next Friday… he had something assigned later that evening, but there would still be enough time to make it.
And while this was definitely suspicious and more than likely some sort of trap, he couldn’t just not go.
But that location… that was directly outside the Academy, wasn’t it?
–
Sasuke tugged at Itachi’s arm. “You have to come to Elder’s Day on Friday,” he insisted. “I really, really want you to come.”
Shisui tried not to coo. Sasuke really was adorable sometimes, as much as he protested it. He had always followed Itachi around like a little duckling. It was a perfectly accurate comparison! And still, both his cousins glared at him when he called Itachi a mother hen.
“I’ll do my best, Sasuke,” Itachi said. He carefully detached his brother from his sleeve.
“I mean it, nii-san! We’re going to have a tournament, you have to come watch me! And there’s a ceremony afterwards too. With all the elders.”
“No invite for your favourite cousin?” Shisui joked. “I can’t believe I have to miss out on watching you and your little classmates kicking butt. I feel betrayed, I tell you.”
Sasuke glared at him for a long moment, before muttering something under his breath. “You can come too, I guess.”
Shisui grinned. “What was that?”
“I want you to come too,” Sasuke said loudly. “Okay? So you better come on Friday.”
Shisui blinked, startled. In reality, of course Sasuke didn’t hate him. His baby cousin got jealous of anyone stealing Itachi’s attention, and Shisui liked to annoy him right back, so they just had that sort of love-hate relationship. But in a friendly way. Sasuke obviously cared about him beneath all that.
But still, he hadn’t been expecting an actual invite. Certainly not one delivered in such a genuine manner.
Sasuke had changed recently. Itachi had noted it as well. Maybe it was the Academy. Or the new friends Shisui always saw him running around with. But whatever it was, Shisui glad to note that it seemed to be for the better.
“Alright, Sasuke,” he said, giving him a true smile. “Friday, you said? I’ll be there. Promise.”
Itachi sighed, then nodded solemnly. “I will be there too.” He reached out slowly, then poked Sasuke in the center of his forehead. “I can’t wait to see how you have progressed.”
–
…This might be the most ridiculous thing Neji had ever done in his life.
Haruno Sakura was infuriating. She was foolish, and over-confident, and didn’t think before she spoke.
Except the thing was, even though all those things were true, she had also still managed to defy them. Sakura was a fool but was extraordinarily creative. She was confident, but used that confidence to bolster others. She didn’t think, but when she did, she showed long-term planning skills and deep insight.
For so long, Neji had been trapped in anger, and grief, and spite. Destiny was a cruel mistress, and although he could be great, he was forced to stew beneath the uncaring heel of the Head Family. But after Sakura…
Not everything had changed. He still resented his role. He still wished to be free, able to carve his own destiny away from the seal that kept his wings clipped. But seeing Hinata stand up for him? Watching someone so weak adamantly try to defend him, say that she cared about him…?
It had changed something.
He and Hinata had spoken afterwards. She had told him things that he once would have despised, but all the same, had always longed to hear. Neji had explained too, and she had listened. She cared. He could tell. And although she hadn’t quite yet earned all his trust, and still had a long way to go… he found he didn’t entirely mind waiting for her.
Sakura, though, was another thing entirely.
Neji still didn’t believe in her. Or approve of her, for that matter. No matter what she said, she was still a reckless, no-name civilian. But all the same, there was something about her that he envied.
She was free, wasn’t she? Maybe it was the fact that she had no future that meant she could do whatever she liked. She ran around, said whatever she thought, and made up the most ridiculous plans, carrying them out just because she could. There was a certain freedom to that. That wild determination and confidence in herself and everyone around her.
…Maybe that was why he was actually going along with this.
It was ridiculous, and nonsensical, and stupid, but here he was. Out in the yard of the Academy, sun overhead, and students shifting in their seats. He could hear the passersby in the streets, see the small gathering of what looked to be a bunch of civilians lined up around a table outside the gates. On his right was Hinata, nervously shifting in place, and beside her, Hiashi, stone-still and expressionless.
“Thank you very much for coming to the Academy and sharing your knowledge with our students,” their teacher said. “They also made some gifts for you to show their appreciation. Here, come up–” He gestured at three of his students, who ascended the stage. The three students in question?
Did he even really need to say?
“Thank you for coming, Homura-san,” Sasuke said blandly. He handed the man a rather offensively coloured beaded chain.
Homura stared at it for a long moment. “...May I ask what this is?”
“It’s for your glasses!” Sakura added in. “You know, like a glasses chain!”
“You attach it to your glasses and then they can hang around your neck,” Naruto piped up. “That way you can’t lose them even though you’re old and your memory’s gone, you know?”
“Naruto!” The teacher hissed.
“Sorry, sorry.” The boy didn’t sound all that sorry. He approached Koharu next. “Hey, hey, thanks for coming! You had some super cool stories about the Nidaime, believe it! This is for you.” He thrust out a short, curved item. It was bedazzled in rainbow wrappings and glittering rhinestones. “It’s for your cane, see? It’s an accessory.” He sounded very pleased with himself.
“...Thank you.” Koharu said. She took the cane accessory from him like it was a venomous snake.
Sakura was the one who approached the final man on the stage. “We were super, extra appreciative of you coming because we heard you’re a pretty busy guy. So I made this for you personally!” She whipped something out of her pocket. It was a messily sewn strip of fabric, separate white and purple loops hanging off each other.
Sakura spread it out, holding it up to her face. “I call it the thneed,” she declared. “Because it’s everything you need! It can be a hat, it can be a scarf… but most importantly, it’s meant for you to use as a two-in-one headband eyepatch thingy! To replace your dirty bandages!”
Danzo looked the utter opposite of impressed.
She shoved it in his hands regardless. “You don’t have to look so doubtful,” Sakura coaxed. “It’s machine washable!”
“Is that all?” He asked stiffly. He held the thneed in a clawed grip, away from his person.
“No, no, you have to try it on!” Sakura insisted. “I was really unsure on the measurements, actually. I tried to measure my own head, but yours is definitely bigger. All that knowledge in there, right? Come on, try it! Then I’ll know if I need to resize it.”
Danzo stared at her coldly. “Enough, girl. Your gift was given. As you said, I am a busy man. Good day.” He started to rise.
“Wait!” Sakura surged forward. “Come on, please! It’s my first sewing project! The thneed could make it big! What if I offered to pay you royalties?”
Danzo sneered, whipping around. “I said, enough–”
That’s when Naruto dropped to the ground with a high-pitched shriek.
“My stomach!” He cried out. He clutched at his belly, squirming in the grass. “I feel all weird… something’s wrong! I’m hearing weird things, there’s something… something is breaking free–”
Around them, Neji could see certain people shooting each other pointed looks. People stood at attention. Others reached for their weapons.
…This wasn’t right. Neji didn’t understand. A random child’s outburst shouldn’t provoke this much of a reaction–
Beside him, Hinata shot up. “N-Naruto!” She cried out. Her Byakugan activated. She took a deep breath, steeling herself, then opened her mouth.
“Something’s wrong!” She called out loudly. “There’s something wrong with him!”
This was what Sakura had asked her to do. For what reason, Neji didn’t entirely know. Something to do with Danzo, whom Sakura strangely seemed to despise. Either way, he had thought this whole thing was stupid, and he disapproved of dragging Hinata into it.
Now though…
Neji activated his Byakugan.
The first thing he noticed was that Naruto had a ridiculous amount of chakra. He was practically bursting with it, blue energy swirling frantically around his system.
The second thing he noticed, was that apart from that? Naruto was completely fine. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him other than the insane amount of chakra. But there were no blockages, no depletion, no genjutsu, no nothing.
But the next thing he noticed… it practically made his heart stop.
On the periphery of his attention, he took note of Naruto letting out a long burp. The boy scratched at his neck, standing up sheepishly. “Sorry everyone! I ate way too much ramen before this, hehe. Man, my stomach is rumbling. I really need to go to the bathroom!”
But under his breath, Neji whispered…
“Sharingan.”
He wasn’t the only one who said it. Beside Hinata, Hiashi’s eyes were bulging white, and he had his gaze firmly fixed on Danzo. His face was utterly pale.
And that was when all hell broke loose.
–
It took a while to clean everything up in the aftermath.
They had taken Danzo down, but not without injuries. And an awful lot of collateral damage. Thankfully, having Hiashi, Itachi, and Shisui all on scene had made the outcome far more positive than it could have otherwise been. The Mokuton had certainly been an unwelcome surprise, but Hatake Kakashi popping up from just around the corner had definitely evened the odds.
There had been protests. Politics. Many unwelcome revelations. All of the clans had had much to say about Danzo’s blood theft. They’d had even more to say about the private child army living downstairs. In the end, the Uchiha Clan had found themselves supported by many, and discovered that they were far less alone than they had first thought.
And that was the aftermath.
–
In the aftermath of the aftermath, Sasuke and Naruto found themselves flopped out on Sakura’s bed, as she poked idly at both their faces.
“You guys look kinda weird…” she commented. “Like, distressed and in utter agony? It’s a bit worrisome.”
“We took down an elder of the Konoha Council…” Sasuke whispered under his breath. He sounded ill. “We took down a secret bloodline thief…”
“He had a magic Uchiha eye,” Naruto said, dazed. “He shot out spiky tree branches… He could’a killed you!”
“No, he was nowhere close,” Sakura reminded them. “Remember? Because the plan was to run away as fast as possible and let the actual shinobi fight for us? The fighting didn’t even start until way later!”
“You were right,” Sasuke spat out. He levered himself up so quickly, he almost knocked Sakura off the bed. “You were telling the truth! About everything!”
Naruto clutched his head in his hands. “You really meant it! Like, for real, for real! I actually have a giant fox in my stomach! The world is really gonna end!”
Sakura looked positively perplexed. “...Wasn’t I saying this all along? I told you we were saving the world!” She slammed her hands down. “Wait a second! Are you telling me you didn’t even believe me this whole time?”
Naruto and Sasuke exchanged glances.
Naruto looked at Sakura. His gaze wandered down to the bedspread. When he finally spoke, he was quiet for once. “...You told me we could be best friends. I’ve never had a friend before. A-and… you believed in me. I said I was gonna be Hokage, and you didn’t laugh.”
“Of course I believe in you!” Sakura declared. “You’re Uzumaki Naruto, and you’re one of my best friends. Believe it.”
“You said I was important,” Sasuke blurted. He coloured slightly, looking away. “You said you needed me. Like you thought I could actually do stuff. Actually save the world.”
“You can,” Sakura emphasized. Like it was perfectly evident. “Why wouldn’t you be important? And I do need you. I couldn’t have done this without you.”
Naruto sniffled loudly. Sasuke scrunched up his face.
“Then we’re doing it,” he announced. “We’re solving all the problems you said. And we’re saving the world. For real.”
Naruto wiped messily at his eyes, but when he punched the air, it was with perfect determination. “Yeah! We can do it! ‘Cause we’re best friends, and we need each other, and- and we can!”
“That’s more like it!” Sakura grinned with all her teeth.
“Alright you guys, ready for my next plan?”