Chapter Text
When Peter arrived at the Tower, no one had told him that Thor and Loki were going to be there. If it were up to Peter, he would’ve been notified at least a week in advance so he could freak out pre-meeting two literal gods.
As it stood, however, Peter had gone up to the top floor to tell Mr Stark that he was here, only to be met with a knife to his throat. Peter’s so-called spidey senses went haywire, and he barely bit back a sigh at the late timing. He had learnt from experience that you shouldn’t appear bored by a murderer. They have fragile egos.
The assailant moved so they were behind Peter, restraining his arms with their other hand. They leaned in and hissed in his ear, “Identify yourself, child.”
Before Peter had a chance to respond, a voice he recognised from several YouTube videos that he may or may not have binged one night paused both he and the unknown attacker.
“Release the boy, Loki,” Thor commanded. “Not every intruder is a threat.”
There was a moment’s hesitation where nobody moved. Then, the knife disappeared from his throat as swiftly as it had appeared.
Peter took a deep breath in and rubbed his throat as he stumbled away from Loki. It wasn’t like he wasn’t able to break free using his strength but - wait. Loki?
He whirled around and saw the two Norse gods he had grown up hearing stories about.
“Mr Thor, sir,” he gasped, cheeks turning red and heart hammering in his chest, “and, uh…” He trailed off. He had spent quite a lot of time researching the two of them, and some of the things he had read had said that Loki wasn’t always a man. Sometimes the trickster wasn’t even human, apparently, which Peter was keen to find out more later.
Seeing Peter’s hesitation, Loki blinked in surprise, before settling for a smile. “Mister, as of now.”
Holy shit. Loki was smiling at him!
“Right! Right, yeah.” Peter stared, dumbfounded. It appeared he had just remembered his manners, because the next second he flung his hand out for them to shake. “It’s so nice to meet you, Mr Thor and Mr Loki, sirs. I’ve always wanted to see you guys with my own eyes but I never thought I’d actually meet you - oh, I’m being weird aren’t I?”
He shook hands enthusiastically with the two. When he stepped back, Thor laughed heartily before clapping him on the shoulder. Despite his enhanced abilities, Peter almost fell forward. It was the best moment of his life.
“Brother, humans are much weaker than we are,” Loki cautioned as Peter righted himself.
“I apologise, young…”
“Peter. Peter Parker.”
Loki nodded. “Well, Peter, I must commend you on your… progressiveness. Not many Midgardians are aware of nor willing to accept certain identities.” Loki regarded him, studying him as if he was attempting to figure him out.
Usually, Peter would’ve been on the offensive by now. His arms would’ve been crossed over his chest, shoulders squared and chin jutted out in challenge, even though he knew he would only make it one second into being questioned before shutting down and/or freaking out. However, with Loki, he instead smiled and shrugged.
So yeah, maybe Loki had tried to take over Earth last time he was here, and maybe Mr Stark had warned Peter to never interact with him but counterpoint: Loki was cool! And like him!
“That would be hypocritical of me,” he answered the unspoken question.
Loki nodded in understanding. Thor looked between the two, confused but happy the two had apparently gotten past their short-lived animosity.
The god steered the two into the kitchen, pouring three tall glasses of foaming beer (which Peter politely declined, and then had to explain the laws around underage drinking).
It was almost an hour later, right in the middle of a story Peter was regaling to the mirth-filled brothers, when Tony Stark walked into the room.
In an instant, he had a repulsor formed and pointed. “Loki. Remove your hand from my intern.”
The steely command made the trio stop laughing immediately. Loki straightened but didn’t lift his hand from Peter’s shoulder. If anything, he tightened it and stepped forward almost unnoticeably, shielding him. Peter hoped that he survived this just so he could brag to Ned about being protected by a god.
“It’s nice to see you too, Stark,” he greeted coolly. His tone indicated it was anything but nice.
“You have three seconds.” The repulsor started to grow bright. Mr Stark wasn’t kidding.
For two of those seconds, Loki glared back at him. Peter saw his other hand reach down for a knife he had stashed away and tugged on his arm, shooting him a desperate look. He only had one second left - should he dive in front of the blast? Web his mentor? He didn’t even have his webshooters-
“Alright, alright.” Loki put his hands in the air, stepping away from Peter. “Have it your way, then.”
Mr Stark still didn’t look like he was going to back down, especially now that Peter was out of harm’s way. He glanced between the two once more, chewing his lip before he snapped out of his panic. “Mr Stark, it’s fine,” he began, stepping in between them. “He wasn’t doing anything -”
“Not now, Underoos. You don't know him like I do.”
Peter frowned. “If you’re talking about New York, everyone knows about that! And besides, it wasn’t like he was doing it of his own free will. Plus, we were just talking.”
Tony’s hand still remained outstretched. “Yeah, that’s how he gets you.”
Peter rolled his eyes. “FRIDAY, tell Mr Stark he’s being dramatic.”
“FRIDAY, tell Peter Parker that he’s being stubborn.”
“FRIDAY, tell -”
“Initiating Fighting Like Toddlers Protocol. Pepper Potts is on her way.”
The repulsor immediately deconstructed back into a watch and Tony let out a curse. “Now look what you’ve done! I’ve managed to keep two Asgardians under wraps for weeks, but of course the second you show up -”
“How is this my fault?!” Peter asked incredulously. He didn't understand why Mr Stark was getting so worked up about this, considering he was the one that was going to blast a god.
“Peter, please just get away from Loki.”
Tony broke his staring match with Loki to look at him. He sounded so worried and his eyebrows were all furrowed! How was Peter supposed to argue with that?
Sighing, Peter complied. He sent an apologetic grimace over his shoulder, but the god merely shook his head as if to say none taken.
“Now, can't the two of you teleport away?” Tony asked.
“We used to be able to, but then our home was destroyed, which is why we're here in the first place,” Loki ground out. “I could disguise myself and Thor, but only for a short duration.”
Could this day get any cooler? He was going to see magic! Would they transform instantaneously? Or would it be a morphing process? Where does the excess matter go? Is it stored in another dimension? Another realm? Did it simply cease to exist, completely ruining the law of conservation of matter?
“Right.” Tony sighed and rubbed his forehead. “When you see Pepper exit the elevator, do your… magic thing. And Pete, stop fawning over magic. You know at least four magicians by now.”
“I’m not fawning!” Peter tore his gaze away and pretended he was staring at the lift, but every now and then he allowed his eyes to slide over to the gods.
Loki seemed offended at the magician comment but said nothing as they all waited in tense silence.
The elevator dinged.
In an instant, Peter was no longer not-staring at Thor and Loki, but rather two soda cans on the floor. Pepper Potts stormed in a second later.
“What are you arguing about now?”
Tony scoffed. “I would never argue with my favourite intern!”
Pepper turned to Peter, and he squeaked out, “Arguing? In your us? It’s less likely than you think.” Look. He wasn’t going to lie to the Pepper Potts, okay? Spouting memes was the next best course of action!
Both of the figureheads of Stark industries frowned at him as they tried to decipher what the hell he just said.
Pepper eventually shook her head. “I’m glad you made up. Try not to leave your empty cans on the floor when the bin is a few feet away.”
With that, she turned and left.
Before Loki could change back, Peter got out his phone and snapped a photo.
“Hey, Mr Loki sir, do you have a Twitter?”
He ignored Tony’s frown, which only made the superhero pettier. “You know he’s a prince, right?” he reminded Peter. “If you're going to be all formal, then you should call him Your Royal Highness. Lord knows he's a royal pain in my ass.”
“Oh my god. I didn’t even think about that!” Peter lamented. “I’m so sorry! I’ve been so rude, Your Royal-”
“Just Loki is fine, young Peter,” Loki said, rubbing his temples. “To answer your question, no, I don't have nor know what Twitter is.”
“Oh! I should set up an account for you - wait, do you have a phone? I’m sure Mr Stark will give you one of his.”
“My phones cost thousands of dollars.”
“What? You’ve given me, like, twenty,” Peter spluttered. “God, I must owe you a million dollars! I’m sorry, Mr Stark, I’ll think of a way to pay you back.”
Tony must have seen the distressed look on his face because he held up a hand. “As I was saying , my phones cost thousands of dollars but it’s fine because I’m giving them away for free all the time. Money means nothing to me because I have plenty, kid. In fact, I was just about to gift both the Asgardians here a brand new Stark Phone. FRIDAY!”
“Sending someone up now, sir. Might I recommend setting up a Stark Phone giveaway to make your lie more believable?”
“FRIDAY, mute,” Tony barked.
Moments later, an employee hurried in with two boxes. She turned to Tony, holding them out but he gestured to the Norse gods instead.
Thor took his and tore it open, the phone clattering to the ground. Loki opened his with much more grace.
“What is this tiny brick?” Thor prodded it with his boot, then reached down to pick it up.
“That brick is state of the art technology-“
“You use it to talk to people, Mr Thor,” Peter explained.
“How do I get this… Twitter?” Loki frowned, tapping away at his new phone. Peter peeked and saw him checking out the pre-installed apps.
“Woah, you’re so good at this Mr Loki!”
“Asgard had far more advanced technology. If I can steal a foreign spaceship, I can work a phone.”
Peter looked over at Thor. He was sniffing his.
“Right. Well, you just go into the App Store and search for it-“
“Got it.”
-
spidey @TheAmazingSpiderMan
this bitch empty. YEET @LokiOdinson
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Loki @LokiOdinson
Replying to @TheAmazingSpiderMan
Does your father usually allow such profanity?
Iron Man @TonyStark
Replying to @LokiOdinson
I can assure you that I don’t. The kid loves his vines
spidey @TheAmazingSpiderMan
Replying to @TonyStark
U NOT MY DAD!! Ugly ass fucking…
Iron Man @TonyStark
Replying to @TheAmazingSpiderMan
Excuse me?
spidey @TheAmazingSpiderMan
Replying to @TonyStark
um... i was hacked??
Loki @LokiOdinson
“Spider-Man” has asked me to inform you all that his phone has been confiscated. He also asks that you get “#freespiderman” trending.
Thor @GodofThunder
Hi humans!
{chin-selfie.jpg}
-
annalise @spidermanfan
#freespiderman tony stark really be like “this kid aint my son” and then 2 months later ground the poor kid for being a rebellious teen. rip spidey, we salute. at least he got to meet his crush
Dr Banner @DrBruceBanner
#freespiderman
Iron Man @TonyStark
Replying to @DrBruceBanner
I thought you loved me
Dr Banner @DrBruceBanner
Replying to @TonyStark
The kid appreciates me more. Now free him.
thirsT @alexismonroe
uncool iron mom vs doting science dad - who will win??
{Poll - 27% iron mom 73% science dad}
Iron Man @TonyStark
Why are people calling Bruce science dad?? I knew him first!
Spidey Watch @OfficialSpiderWatch
The Hulk and Iron Man fight for custody over the Spider Kid after Stark unjustly prisons him. #freespiderman #unotmydad
Flash @EugeneThompson
Anyone going to point out that Loki’s on Twitter? The same Loki who tried to kill everyone??
mj @itsmichelle
Replying to @EugeneThompson
mad bc spidey follows him and not u, arent u?